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[[ Can you tell me one instance where Percy got fired from a job? [Of course! This one's very funny!] ]] :: "Percy took the last bite of zher beef and swiss cheese sandwich, which was grilled to perfection and lathered with mayo. The sticky white condiment clung to zher slender, small fingers. After wiping zher hands, zhe turned back to the cash register. A brightly shining yellow aura flashed in the corner of zher mind's eye, a silky, cheerful voice with a matching yellow note echoing in zher ears. Zhe grinned, happy about this very familiar presence, one that's been with zher for many, many years. Oriole, zher best friend, stood beside the counter near the bagging area. The little orange and black microkia's two broad feathered wings curled at the tips with confident pleasure, her delicate and dainty frame in a coy position. Zhe hated this job even though zhe'd been at it for almost two weeks now ; too many kiamaras that zhe had to interact with. But it kept food on the table, helped him with new car payments. And with such an awesome little companion like Oriole, zhe didn't find it nearly as bad."
"The clinking of a cart suddenly alerted zher of someone coming to pay for something. An elderly female kiamara with a sweet pale pink aura walked up with a large cooler and an extra large bag of ice. When zhe reluctantly got up to scan the barcodes, an extremely dark red aura hovered above zher head. "Perce! You know how so very cowardly and ridiculously stubborn about not vandalizing the big Kiamart sign across the street you were? Huh, huh? Ha! You were a thick-headed cowardly bull with silly fluffy kitten fur! It could've been so much fun, you know!", the scratchy, almost black voice mocked from above. Zhe knew who's voice that was, the distinctive aura gave him away immediately. It was none other than Cardinal. Zhe hadn't seen that annoying featherbutt since the night after zhe got this new job. The teenage kiamara's slightly pointed ears were flattened mischieviously, his wicked grin stretched across most of his face. Zhe muttered lowly, "Hey! I don't want to risk loosing my new job by vandalizing their billboards! My black eyes give me away every time! AND FOR THE LOVE OF SATAN STOP CALLING ME PERCE!!" The lady inquired, "Something wrong, sweetie?" Zhe quickly turned around and scanned both barcodes, muttering a bit louder to her, "Nope, I'm perfectly fine. And please don't call me 'sweetie'. Call me Percy if you can."
"Zhe could hardly keep zher wild temper controlled, bottled up in zher body. Then Cardinal cackled and jeered rudely, "You've already lost four jobs this month alone! One more couldn't hurt you! I've never seen you not give into me before, Perce!" A growl rose in zher throat, zher almost invisible pupils dialating with anger. "I've already been through most, if not all the jobs in this area! No one will want me back after those incidents! Half those were your fault anyhow! And stop. calling. me. Perce!", zhe snarled. The older woman stepped back a bit and asked with a confused tone that rank a blueish-grey, "Who are you talking to?" Zhe ignored her, and so did Cardinal. Only Oriole had payed attention. Jay probably would've too, but he wasn't here right now. "MY FAULT?! You were the one who snapped at anyone and everyone, Perce! I had no part in any of that!", the winged kia retorted bitterly, his tail lashing with each wingbeat and beaning Oriole in the head a couple times. Fur standing on end, zhe snapped, "You always argue with me and you always leave me in a terrible mood, every time you come to me! That's literally the only reason I snap! One of these days, you will pay for every single one of your rude jeers and totally unnecessary two-sense you annoying featherbrain! AND FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME, STOP CALLING ME PERCE!!!" The sweet elderly kiamara touched zher shoulder, opening her mouth to speak. But zhe rounded on her, yelling, "I sure don't need you two-sense either! Just leave with your melty ice!" She turned tail and marched to the customer service desk to file a complaint on zher extremely rude retort."
"Meanwhile, the two kiamaras stood their ground with aggressive stances to boot. Cardinal snidely chuckled, "Right, Perce", he rolls his piercingly crimson eyes, "You know, I have wings and you don't you clumsy furball! I can easily fly out of harm's way and you can't catch me!" Percy's boss, Richard V. Lamontѐ, stood over zher back. But somehow, someway, he went completely unnoticed. His foot tapped impatiently, arms crossed and a scowl across his face. "Yah, but I have claws and teeth! And stop calling me Perce!", zhe furiously screeched. Oriole careened down in her graceful flight and landed off to the side, between the quarreling kiamaras. "Percy!", the young microkia called anxiously. Zhe didn't reply. So, she sqeaked louder and louder ; "Percy! Percy! Percival! Percival Amery Pierrepont!!" She never uses zher full name unless it's imperative that she gets zher attention. Zhe snapped around and retorted, "What Oriole? I'm kind of in the muddle of an argument here!" The stout winged microkia pointed behind zher. Only then, did zhe feel two auras towering behind zher. One was a somewhat familiar pale pink one, the elderly woman zhe met earlier. The other one was zher boss's dark charcoal grey aura. "Percival!", zher boss said with a snarky edge to his tone. Facing the imposing aura with zher eyes still shut tight was the only thing zhe could do in response. His booming voice shouted, "Percival, you are fired!" The door slammed behind them with the sound of rattling glass, zher former boss muttering that at the very least his 'immature rant' had cleared out the place before it closed at 10:00 p.m. that night. "Nice job, Cardinal! Mind not butting in next time?!", Percy and Oriole muttered angrily in unison. To their disappointment, he had vacated the premises over three minutes ago. But they kind of knew for certain that he'd infuriate Percy again soon enough...."
[[ Does he have a phone? [Yes, and I have another story for you too!] ]] :: "Two kiamaras walked slowly along a wide sidewalk, the taller one's tail pretty much sweeping all of the leaves off their path. "We going the entire way, Percy?", a silky little voice chirped. Zhe nodded zher head and continued the almost completely silent walk. This very sidewalk looped from zher quaint little house, northeast to the park, west to the cemetery, and straight back to where they started. Unfortunately, they were walking through the very heart of zher hometown [Manhattan] at rush hour on Friday. Oh well, at the very least zhe had zher best friend skipping right next to zher."
" "Stupify!" The distinct voice of Disturbed's lead singer split the air on very high volume. Zhe yelped almost as loudly as the ringtone was blaring and jumped back several steps, everyone within earshot casting zher startled, awkward glances. Head tipped down, zher face turned bright red with embarrassed blush. Apparently, Disturbed's 'Stupify' wasn't the best ringtone in the world. In fact, it was probably the worst ringtone in creation. Zhe really had to change that ringtone one of these days. Maybe to something less startling? Zhe picked up zher blue-green Moto smartphone and answer it. It was only zher manager calling to ask if zhe could work a midnight shift this Saturday. With a hasty sigh, zhe responded, "Okay, I guess. Please try to call later in the day next time, when I'm home." Good grief, could zhe not die of embarrassment and a heart attack in the same day?"
" "Bring the violence, insignificant!" Zhe yelped again, "Ack!", stumbling backwards. The smartphone landed with a splash in the creek that ran beside this stretch of sidewalk. It certainly wasn't intentional that zhe threw the phone in the water ; someone's ringtone had caused this. A cackle split the air, and in came from one of the branches directly above zher. "Cardinal!! Now look at what you've done!", zhe shouted angrily at the source of the blaring ringtone. There was only one kiamara zhe knew that used 'Violence Fetish', also by Disturbed, as a ringtone. Cardinal snickered, "You rang?" After a moment's pause, zhe hissed, "I would've rang if you didn't make me drop my phone in the water! Why couldn't you have chosen a more pleasant ringtone?" Oriole's ringtone wasn't an example ; she used 'Happy' by Pharrell Williams. To zher, it was such an annoying song. Way too cheerful for zher liking. But at the very least, he could've taken Down with the Sickness if he wanted a 'disturbing' ringtone [get it? disturbing = Disturbed ; it's a joke within my family]. Or even better ; Overburdened. "Why? You think you're own ringtone's that much better? You must be deaf to your own ringtone!", Cardinal jeered from above. Zhe hissed again and started drying zher phone. Well, at least the case was waterproof. After drying the case, zhe changed the ringtone to 'Sons of Plunder'. With a hope that it wouldn't be nearly as startling, of course."
" "Tell me you like it!" This time, zhe ended up drop-kicking zher phone quite the distance. The phone flew about seven feet in the air and skidded another foot on the hard concrete. Great, just great ; first it gets thrown in the creek, now it gets drop-kicked halfway across a sidewalk! And it was all because a solicitor called at the wrong time at the wrong place. "No, I don't like it, David Draiman, thank you very much!!!", zhe snarled angrily. The two winged kiamaras behind zher burst into hysterical laughter, their combined laughter painted in shades of the rainbow, rolling around on the ground and holding their bellies. Zhe snorted irritably, "Oh thanks a lot!" Just what zhe needed, scratches across the corners, a gouge by the hom button, and a badly scuffed cover. Wiping a tear of laughter from her eye, she chirped, "The phone okay, Percy?" Zhe sighed, "Could've been worse." So this hopefully never happened again, zhe changed the ringtone to 'Fear'. Though zhe never heard the song before, zhe hoped it would make a less startling ringtone."
" "Ah, ah!" Zhe muttered a curse word under zher breath as zhe jumped backwards, Thank goodness the phone was safe and sound in zher pocket this time! But an intact phone would be no good if it's owner died of a heart attack before zhe could answer it. To add to the frustration, it was only yet another solicitor. Zhe growled angrily, muttering curse words under zher breath "Quick! You'd better scram Cardinal, before that foul-mouth's motor starts runnin` over there!", Oriole squealed. And fate had it, that the moment Cardinal was out of ear-shot, zhe started ranting and raving about that blasted ringtone at the top of zher lungs. Without even caring enough to censor it for the kids, by the way....."
[[ The Christmas Season is nearly over? How was zher holiday season? [Pretty good, but here's a funny story about the Christmas Tree incident] ]] :: " "Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la la la la la la", two jolly kiamaras sang joyfully. It was December the 1st, exactly 24 more days `till Christmas Day. Percy was for once hyped about zher favorite holiday of the entire year. Valentine's Day was too lovey-dovey for someone who's absolutely aromantic, Halloween is way too busy and crowded for zher liking. Fourth of July is zher third favorite, Thanksgiving is zher second. But, by far, Christmas was the best of all. Even Jay had visited for the holiday season! Zhe hadn't seen that adorable furball in months. At this point in zher world, nothing could possibly go wrong."
"Bells jingled as zhe put the last ornament on the eight foot tall pine tree. From bottiom to top, the tree now glittered with silvery tinsel, multiple strands of multi-color garland, and a beautiful star. "Nice tree, Perce. Too bad you won't have presents to go under it, cause you're on the Naughty List for losing exactly 41 jobs this year. That includes the one you just lost yesterday!", a scratchy voice jeered from above. Cardinal perched at the very top of the tree, his long tail curled around the star's base. Zher eyes seemed to flash with anger. When did he get here?! "How do you even know who's on which list? If anyone, it would be you who's on the Naughty List!", zhe shouted up to the red furred kiamara. When zhe started staring at Cardinal, Oriole practically read zher mind. "Not a good idea, Percy.", she said sternly. Zhe ignored her and tensed to leap. "That's really not a good idea, Percival!", she pleaded. But, when she realized that zhe was no longer sitting next to her, she sighed frustratedly, "And zhe's gone..." "
"The two tiny kiamaras watched in helpless silence, while their dear friend Percy mindlessly tried to kill that annoying feather-butt himself. In that process, they were inadvertently destroying the Christmas tree. Ornaments flied everywhere, bouncing off the walls and pouring like a steady waterfall onto the mat beneath the tree. One of them almost beaned poor little Jay in the head! Garland and lights tangled around zher long, wildly swinging tail, the tree shaking violently under zher weight. Suddenly, a loud creaking and snapping sound split the air and a large shadow tipped over both of the winged kiamaras as Cardinal headed for the hills. "Watch out, Oriole!", Jay screeched at the top of his lungs as the fragile conifer fell to the ground with a sickening thud, Percival stuck sprawled out under the midsection of it. He had just barely saved the old remote control Polar Express train set. Zhe wriggled out from under the heavy tree with a groan, shaking out zher tinsel and pine needle covered fur while squeezing the tree's water out of zher tail. "You okay, Percy?", Jay squeaked shyly as his friend stood up. Zhe muttered, "Other than my sore, sore neck, yes I'm fine.", rubbing zher neck as zhe spoke. Oriole grabbed and held up a shiny Mastercard gift card, asking, "Will this be used for a chiropractor appointment?" Zhe examined it and shook zher head while replying calmly, "Nope. It'll fix itself before Christmas." And, two weeks later, zhe ended up at the chiropractor for zher neck. Well, that was anti-climatic!"
- [[ Though I wish I could tell you more, I've had too many close calls and spying on zher any longer might endanger my own safety. So, I must leave. I hope you enjoyed listening to all that information! Just don't use it against zher, okay? ]]
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