Ａ Ｆａｌｌｅｎ Ｒｏｓｅ }}

[OrangeNeon]

Awww, thanks c:

Maybe inform the readers a little, but throw in a little action?

[suzhay]

Your welcome! ^_^

I would take that risk. If you can give some background on characters, even unsure opinions from the main protagonist, it could go a long way. I would suggest thinking about working the background info into little actions, such as she is walking home and thinking about her family and that could lead into her descriptions of them. The best way to do anything in a story is trial-and-error.

Agreed, OrangeNeon.

[indebted]

bookmarking! Looks great so far.

[Paradise;]

Thank you. ^^ I really appreciate the interest. c:

I'm planning chapter two right now. :3

[tico]

Wow, it's really great! Like OrangeNeon said, it was very unexpected.
Keep up the good work!

[benexo]

this is amazing! really great way to start off the story - bookmarking this! can't wait to see where this goes c:

[Paradise;]

What wonderful comments to log back on and see! I really love seeing so many people actually interested in my writing. c:

I'll get to work on the second chapter right away. ^^

[Paradise;]

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Have you ever had a dream that was so vivid it felt real? Like you were actually there? Well, I'm kind of hoping everything I saw was just some extremly vivid daydream. I wasn't buying it. The fire had been real, the people had been real and the fact that they vanished into thin air was real. The idea that people could do that sent shivers up my spine. How did they manage to make themselves and all their gear disappear? Even the fire and all traces that they were there were gone. No human could do that. Could they?

My whole walk home was filled with thoughts like that. I just couldn't help myself. I wanted answers and I would get them if it were the last thing I ever did. Laughing to myself over my stupid curiousity that was going to get me killed one day, I jogged the rest of the way home and entered my house with a sigh. You'd think I'd be more paranoid after seeing what I'd just seen, but the men were gone techically. Kicking off my shoes, I silently tip toed to my room and pushed the door open. The door creaked as it swayed on it's rusty hinges. I cursed under my breath; my mother would have been furious if she'd known how late it was and that I was just returning. Crossing my fingers that she hadn't heard anything, I crept to my bed and slowly slipped under the covers, trying to make the bed creak as little as possible. Shutting my eyes, thoughts of the mysterious men returned and I fell asleep picturing the symbol of the burning rose.

___________________

Sunlight streaked through my window and landed directly on my face and I squeezed my eyes trying to block out the bright light. My hands moved to rub the sleep from my eyes as I lazily sat up in my bed. Opening my eyes I rested my arms behind me and propped myself up on my elbows. Looking at the position of the sun I groaned. I'd slept in again and it was my turn to feed the little ones. Luckily it was mom's day off from work meaning she would have reluctantly fed the kids for me. Knowing I would get a lecture for this one, I slipped on a worn out t-shirt and some faded blue jeans. With hesitation I made my way to the kitchen, I could hear the little voices of all my siblings from the hallway and I grinned when I made out the voices of the twins bickering with one another. "One day you guys will realise just how lucky you are to have a twin," I commented as I entered the busy kitchen. The twins frowned and rolled their eyes before they began to argue once again. My mother turned and glared at me. "Decided to join the rest of the world did we?" Her voice was bitter and I tell that I would to be expecting a few extra chores tomorrow. "I'm sorry mother. I was in the forest last night and I saw someone. Actually, quite a few someones... Can I ask you some questions later?" I asked, wondering if my mother would knnow anything about a burning rose. "Fine. Just help me get the little ones fed and occupied. After all, today was your day to do so," she snapped, her voice showing the agitation and annoyance she felt. "I'm sorry, when I explain everything I saw last night you'll understand," I responded, trying to get my mother's attention. My mother just grunted in acknowledgement and turned her attention back to the eggs she was cooking. I rolled my eyes and approached Ella, my five year old sister, and poked her in the stomach. "And how's Miss Ella on this fine morning?" I asked, my voice a tone that someone might have used to greet royalty. Ella just loved it when I spoke to her like that; she thought she was the long lost princess of some magical realm and wanted to be treated as such. "Good my dear sister," she reponded while trying to shove in as many apple slices she could in her mouth. I chuckled and took a seat beside her. Waiting patiently for my mother to finish the eggs, I began to hum a tune to myself. My brothers all frowned and stared at me like I was an alien or something, however both my sisters began to hum along. Ella was a little off key with her mouth full of apple but Elizabeth was right on key. For the past few weeks I had been trying to teach Elizabeth to sing. She was only ten but she had a beautiful voice. In my mind, if I could teach her to sing maybe one day she would be able to get away from this place and sing for people for a living. I just wanted what was best for my siblings so I tried to help them in any way possible.

Once the kids had finished their breakfast my mother and I took them to the living room and made sure each kid was occupied with something. The twins, Samuel and Stuart, were wrestling over who got to be the red chips in checkers. Elizabeth was practicing the different notes that she'd been struggling with lately. Ella was drawing a picture of a palace with a princess and a prince riding off into the sunset. As for Max and Jackson, they were bickering over who was the smartest. My mother just laughed and took a seat on our old beat up sofa. Dust particules flew through the air and floated, suspended in air temporarily. I watched them carefully, trying to occupy myself a little longer. My body was tense and I was nervous about bringing up the men I saw in the forest the night before. It was probably more then likely my mother would think I was just seeing something, but it was worth it to ask anyways. Even if I could hear my heart beating, feeling as if it may leap out of my chest at any moment.

"Mother? Can I ask you some questions about what I saw last night?" I asked, my voice almost a low whisper. Moving from my spot in the doorway of the living room I walked over to the sofa and plopped down beside my mother. My mother coughed as dust flew through the air once again and then she turned to look at me. "It was probably nothing. Just a herd of deer or something," my mother muttered absentmindedly. It was obvious she wasn't in the mood for a bunch of questions, but I could've cared less at the time. "Have you ever heard of a group of men who wear black jackets with a burning rose embroidered over their hearts?" I asked straight up. No beating around the bush today. My mother let out a short gasp and shifted so she was sitting facing me. "Where have you heard of that?" she demanded, her voice tense, her eyes wide open. Fear seemed to be coming off of her in waves. My breathing quickened and I frowned. "I told you already. I saw a group of men in the forest last night. They were wearing coats like that," I restated slowly. It was apparent that the words had affected my mother, I just didn't understand why they would. "Are you sure? You were probably just imagining things." I knew she was lying. My mother knew something and she was trying to keep it from me. The way she fidgeted and the fact that was twirling her hair was a dead give away. "Just tell me Mom! Who or what, did I see?" I demanded, my voice stern. I wanted to know and my mother would crack eventually. "I swore to your father I would never tell you or the little ones. The information is far too dangerous. The minute I tell you it puts you in danger. Your whole life would be at risk. I can't do that to you darling," she responded after a few minutes. She reached out and held my face in her hands. "I can't," she whispered. "Mother I saw them. I know these people exist. I'll find a way to get information," I explained to her, beginning to stand up to prove to her that I was determined. "Sit down Rose," she ordered. I did as I was told and watched my mother carefully. She sighed and ran a hand through her soft golden hair. I'd always envied her for her hair; I got my father's faded brown instead. "How did Dad know and why did he tell you?" I questioned, taking a different path to finding out the truth.

With a drawn out sigh my mother looked back forth between my siblings and I. "It would be best if you heard it from me, if you heard the truth." The defeat was clear in her voice and the way her shoulders sagged. If it hadn't been something that was connected to my father I would have just dropped it, but I barely remembered my father and had always pestered my mother for information. Now she was offering it and I wasn't about to let it slip through my fingers. "Your father was part of a group of men called the Ravelen. There was about eleven of them at the time. When your father was a part of the group, their main goal was to help everyone. They had abilities like no other humans, and they put these abilities to good use. Everyone worshipped them, they were loved by everyone. But of course, with great power comes great responsibilty as the saying goes. Some of the members let their powers go to their heads. They started to use them just to please themselves and to aid only those closest to them. Some refused to do good anymore, well others swore that their powers were to be used for good and nothing else. Those who remained good disappeared and worked in the shadows, and have ever since. However, your father wouldn't stand for it. He comfronted the remaining members of the group and demanded they stop abusing their abilities, but they weren't ready to be told what to do. They reacted without thinking and killed your father," my mother's voice dropped off as she finished her story. Originally I had thought knowing how my father had died would bring me peace but I just felt more confusion and anger. Plus, I still didn't understand who those men I had seen in the forest were. "What do you mean by abilities?" I asked the main question burning on my mind. "Powers, Rose. Abilities. Whatever you seek to call them. They could do things. Move things with their minds, make things invisible, create things, control the elements. All of that. Your father was one of the few humans to be able to do such things. All the members of the Ravelen were able to," she responded, her voice distant, memories of my father obviously filling her mind. The information felt heavy in my mind. I leaned back against the arm of the couch and took a deep breath. My father was a... a magician. It was all so surreal. "Why does no one speak of them if they were so powerful and loved?" My mother focused her attention back on me. "Because of the evil things they did afterwards. People died Rose. Then, sometime after your father's death they disappeared. Vanished. No one had heard of them in years. I thought they'd gone into hiding permanently. At least until now. I'm surprised they've come out after so many years," my mother muttered to herself, the confusion clear in her voice just like my own. "The part that baffles me the most is that you could see them. The Ravelens had created what you might consider a force field around themselves. No one could penetrate it, and no one could see into it. Whenever more than three of them gathered together they would activate this orb around them and they'd become invisible. Only others with powers could see them," my mother concluded, turning to study me. That's when it all dawned on me. What my mother said finally connected in my brain. "You're not saying..." I whispered. "Yes, Rose, it appears so. You've inherited your father's powers." Instead of pride, great fear and pain could be seen behind her blue eyes.

[Paradise;]

Ｂｕｍｐ

[suzhay]

That was good. I liked reading it. It was a little obvious to me what was coming, but the surprise that she has powers was still there. It kept me hooked still and I can't wait to read what happens next.