⭐ | Moving on forward

[mousekewitz]

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THEME: Pumpin Blood by NONONO / QUOTE: "No rain, no flowers"
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Jude is a very sweet person that enjoys helping others and being independent. As a kit he longed for freedom from his helicopter parents; they constantly forced high expectations upon him while not allowing him to express himself or do as he desired. The friends they set him on play dates with were boring and shallow, they lacked the ability to stimulate his mind. As an outlet, Jude took up reading and taught himself how to code. At a young age, he was toying with websites just for fun. Some genres that sparked his interest pertained to science fiction, paranormal, and animals. Whenever his parents were away on business, which was quite frequent, he would get lost in other worlds to pass the time. Whenever his parents returned it was a messy sight. Jude continuously refused to abide by their rules, in the end they'd scream their throats raw and leave each other alone until they inevitably crossed paths again. To this day Jude finds it hard to trust authority figures unless he deeply trusts them.

Likes: coding, working with his hands, roller coaster rides, hot tea
Dislikes: cold weather, short-sleeved shirts, wet hair, sticky things
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He was homeschooled for the entirety of his academic career. With his parent's wealth came a variety of teachers that coaxed him through the required classes and helped him cope with pressures placed on him from family. They, of course, failed to take into consideration what Jude wanted to do with his life and began to urge him into law school. While he was openly uninterested in this they continued to press him into it. Arguments spiked in the coming months; his parents refused to see his side of things and Jude was too stubborn to give up on his dreams of making something out of his coding hobby. After a particularly fierce argument, both sides were at the ends of their ropes. Jude withdrew almost all of his savings into a private account and backed his bags before leaving on the next bus out of town.

To say his parents didn't care was an understatement. His mother called him only once, giving up after it was ignored. The newfound freedom filled Jude with a heightened sense of importance. Amidst his impulse, he dyed his hair the most socially inappropriate colors he could think of: purple and blue. After a trip to the salon, he pierced his lip in a tattoo shop and found residence in a dingy hotel. This air of independence didn't last long-- soon nervousness overcame him. All too soon he was enraptured by fear of running out of money. He began to eat cheaper and less often in order to make his money last longer. In addition to this, he began to hitchhike instead of riding public transit from town to town. Despite the danger, it saved dozens of dollars that he could instead put into better clothes and gloves for labor-intense jobs he picked up from townsfolk.

Jude busied himself with any side job he could find; he could do anything from organizing novels in the library or cutting hedges in people's yards, absolutely nothing was off limits. In one town he was fortunate enough to find himself in the company of Aysha Mae Parks, an older woman that runs an orphanage and needs frequent home repairs. With her at his side, he worked on building up his independence and discovering what he wanted to do with his future.

His parents' deaths were sudden and triggered a major depressive episode where not even the smiling faces of the orphaned kits would cheer him up. Only after months of self-care and opening himself up to Aysha was he able to become the strong, shining kalon he is today. No longer does he feel restricted or ashamed for how he presents himself to others. He recognizes his self-worth and the positive impact he has on others.

[mousekewitz]

Dear diary,

July 13, 2009

Mother and father have taken me on a weeklong cruise for my sixteenth birthday. We checked into our rooms earlier and even though I have a King Sized bed all to myself I’m not very excited. I should be bouncing off the walls but the trip is already being ruined. Before we left, mother promised me that they’d make it a special outing just for us three and that their business wouldn’t interfere with anything. Father has already taken two calls from his associates and went back to their room to talk while mother and I had lunch. That was good though. The lunch, I mean. They served me shrimp scampi with a glass of lemonade and some buttered rolls. Mother had a salad and father had a plate of ribs but we had to take it back to him.

Just an hour ago we left the port and started around the gulf! I’m on one of those long, white lawnchair contraptions on the deck so I can write and watch the waves at the same time. It’s a bit hot but not completely unbearable and the people are nice so far. Tomorrow we are supposed to go on a scavenger hunt so I am a bit excited for that. Hopefully the rest of the week passes without incident. This Wednesday will be my birthday, after all!

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Dear diary,

July 14, 2009

Mother backed out of the scavenger hunt at the last minute and father had a massage scheduled so I had to pair up with someone else. They made me feel a bit awkward and bossy because they didn’t seem as into the game as I was. We ended up coming in third and got a ten dollar gift card for the ship’s gift shop which is already far too overpriced. I found myself a little plush and some candy and retired to my cabin. I didn’t see mother nor father again until dinner; even then they were on their phones and not talking to me. Tomorrow is Wednesday so I can only assume they’ll make it special then.

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Dear diary,

July 15, 2009

Everything is terrible. My parents treated me to breakfast with a cake of waffles and whipped cream but after that they virtually ignored me for the rest of the day. The trip may as well be about them for all the effort they’re putting into spending time with me! If I got cell reception out here I’d try to message Preston or Kai or Bella. I won’t be able to call or text until we dock again next Monday. The waiter at the restaurant gave me an extra dessert because I told him it was my birthday and he put a little candle in the middle of it, so that did make me feel better. I think there’s some giant bowling game before dinner tonight because I saw them setting it up towards the back deck. There are only three pins but they’re easily as big as four adult kalons and the ball is scaled to size, too. It’s getting a bit hot so I may go inside and nap for a bit.

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Dear diary,

July 16, 2009

Today at dinner they had a live band playing some current songs. They made a dance floor and a bunch of other kalons my age went out but father forbade me from going because it’d look unprofessional and I’d mess up my suit. Even on a vacation, they make me dress up to go out, it is so outrageous. I want to go home. I miss my friends and my tutors and my bedroom. I never thought I'd say that. Usually, I'm itching to get out of the house and away from my parents but now I just want to retreat into my room and be by myself. I should be enjoying this but I'm not. What's wrong with me?

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Dear diary,

July 17, 2009

They paid attention to me today! In the morning we all had smoothies and pancakes at the bar then we went to the water park on deck. It doesn’t make sense to me why you’d want water rides on a boat but they were pretty fun. My paws hurt from all the walking around we did so mother told me to soak them in some hot water. I ordered an ice cream sundae for myself from room service so I’m going to eat it and watch some of the movies they have recorded on the TVs.

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Dear diary,

July 18, 2009

I want to go home. Father yelled at me this morning because my shorts were wrinkled and I hadn’t realized it. We were going to breakfast and he just went off on me in the hall in front of mother and she didn’t even try and defend me or anything. I almost started crying but thankfully I didn’t because another passenger came by to get into their room. I’ve been in my room avoiding them the entire day now and I don’t think that either of them care that I’m gone.

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Dear diary,

July 19, 2009

Father talked to me about law school during dinner today. He said that he thinks it would be good for me to do an internship with a friend of his next summer so I can get a taste of it and see if I like it. I haven't thought much about what I'm going to do for a living but I already know they're going to push me into being a lawyer. Usually, it doesn't bother me but I just know I'm not cut out for this sort of thing. I don't think I'm good at verbalizing myself or keeping track of things which is pretty much all they do. I hate dressing formally, I hate everything associated with being a lawyer. If there's one thing that I don't want to do, it's to be one of them. I wish they'd let me figure things out on my own.

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Dear diary,

July 20, 2009

We are going home now! I packed up my things this morning and dropped them off onto our trolly. The captain said that we should be arriving shortly after lunch so I plan on buying a few snacks for the long ride home. Mother seems upset, I suspect that she and father had a fight last night but she hasn't said anything to me about it. Whenever they argue she comes to me to talk about it and just vent, I suppose? So either she's just off-key or doesn't feel like opening up about it yet. I'll put this away before father nags me about it, though. I'm glad to be heading back!

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His fingers rub idly at the corner of his worksheets and his eyes stare blankly into the distance. Jude gives a tentative sigh through his nose, slowly returning to reality from his daydream. Before he can give it a second thought, it disintegrates in his mind and is forever lost. He glances to the papers before him-- math, calculus to be exact. It occurs to him that he hasn't been paying attention to anything his teacher has been saying but honestly he cannot find the heart to care. Just shy of two weeks ago, he was on the celebratory cruise and since their return, there have been nothing but arguments between him and his parents. Jude dare not call them that in his bout of attitude and instead firmly refers to the pair of them as his legal guardians.

"Jude, are you paying attention?" The elder kalon's voice cuts into his thoughts and he jerks up his head to steady her with a nearly sheepish glance.

"Yes, ma'am, I apologize. There's been a lot on my mind as of late but it won't happen again. Continue, please?" He picks his pencil up from the desk where he'd laid it some time ago and begins to search for his place in his equations. There was an entire packet of problems that he was required to finish each week; this week, however, was coming to a close and he'd barely done the first sheet.

"No-- no, it is quite alright. Do you want to talk about it?" She's always been a gentle force in his life. No matter how rude he acted towards others, his teacher remained a positive influence and acted as a counselor of sorts during his darker times.

"I'm not sure," he begins, fiddling with the end of his pencil. "Father is just putting extra pressure on me to pursue something that he thinks is right for me and I don't like it. Mother isn't defending me like she used to and it's like he's finally converted her to his side. It's just stressful."

"Didn't you all go on a cruise for your birthday? I thought that may have introduced some bonding time between you and your father. I'm sure if you talked to him frankly about these things, you both wouldn't be at each other's necks as often."

To this, he scoffs.

"Every time I bring up how I feel, he tells me I'm wrong and will see his point of view when I'm older and that I'll thank him for what he's doing now. The both of them kept taking business calls the entire time. Apparently, there was an incident at one of the oil rigs but they resolved it while we were aboard. Mother didn't stay with me often, it was mainly me on my own for the entire time." He scratches out the next step of an optimization equation as he speaks without even looking up to see her reaction. There is an awkward silence before he speaks again.

"Miss Martha, may I ask you a question?"

"Yes, of course."

"Do you think they love me?"

The question hits the room like a bomb-- it takes both of them by surprise. It seems as if Jude doesn't know how it came past his lips and his teacher doesn't know how to formulate a response. They stare at each other with nearly blank expressions.

"Jude--."

"I want to know."

She falters, taking her hands from her lap and putting them on the table. It takes a few moments to gather her courage and give him a proper answer.

"I believe that they have your best interests in mind but they do not know how to raise a kit. Some people aren't cut out to be parents, that isn't anything against them as people but they simply cannot nurture you all in a healthy, welcoming way. It can be difficult to have a kit of your own and to try and keep them safe in a world like ours. They love you but don't know how to connect with you."

He feels a ball tighten in his throat. After a few moments, he blinks rapidly at the tears gathering in his vision and fixates on the math packet before him. One hand curls into a fist on the table in a display of intense sorrow and frustration.

"Thank you, ma'am. That's all I wanted to know." He takes a steadying breath. "Now, I'm having trouble with starting the next problem. Can you show me how to begin?"

Worry twists onto her face but she complies with his request, knowing that now is not the best time to pry further into his young mind. By the end of the day his packet is finished and Jude, mind still drifting but working at a mile a minute in an attempt to discern his feelings, retires to his bedroom in silence.

[mousekewitz]

Dear diary,

September 24, 2011

I think I just ran away. I mean, I’m eighteen now, so I’m of legal age. I guess that just means that I moved out without telling anyone. Father and I had an argument last night about fall enrollment so I packed a bag of essentials and loaded money onto my debit card. I got this card a few months ago right after my birthday and they don’t keep track of it so, realistically, they will have no idea where I am.

I just couldn’t stand living there anymore. Mother hasn’t been herself lately and I’m certain it’s because of him. They used to be partners in the oil company but now she has no influence over what decisions he makes. She just sits around and stares into the distance. I don’t even get to see Miss Martha anymore now that I’ve completed all the required high school courses so I was utterly alone and subject to father’s yelling.

I don’t know where to go now. This was so stupid of me. I’m going to try and go a few cities over and contact Preston. Kai and Bailey can’t afford to house me and I’m not sure that they’d have any advice to give about this sort of thing. I almost want to call Miss Martha but I feel like I’d be a bother to her at this point. I took out about a thousand dollars from my savings and that won’t last forever so I plan to try and find some sort of job around here soon.

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Dear diary,

September 29, 2011

A lot has happened since my last entry. I went and got my hair dyed, I’m pretty damn excited about it too. I got the front and top of my hair blue and the back cut into a mohawk style and colored purple. There was a tattoo and piercing shop right down the street from the salon so I went and got my lip pierced as well. It burned like fire for almost an hour and my lip got a bit swollen but now it’s pretty much back to normal.

I feel so free and liberated now. Mother and father would never agree to let me do anything like this even for special occasions. To be able to do this is so fun, it’s exhilarating. I spent a good chunk of my money on this so I’m going to cut back for a while and try to stretch it as much as I can.

I haven’t been able to get into contact with Preston yet. I assume that he’s out of town so I won’t be hearing back for quite some time, in that case. Some people here put up signs on street posts asking for kalons to help clean their yard or aid in construction, I may call one or two of them and ask about what I’d have to do.

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Dear diary,

October 2, 2011

I’ve yet to get any income and I’m getting almost paranoid about how I’m going to survive. I refuse to go back home and beg father for money; that would be so humiliating and he’d hold it over my head until he croaks. I can just imagine how ashamed he'd be to know that his son, his precious son, is out in the country with unnatural hair colors and dirty clothes. It disgusts me to think how he could have raised me to be some elitist had I not met Kai and Bailey.

I met them through a blogging site and would call for hours on end. Bailey is an only child and her parents never got their store off the ground so they stayed somewhat poor and now she's stuck in retail without the opportunity to go to college. Kai wants to be a musician but people frown upon him because of his little kit, Lincoln. I just love them so much and to think that people like my father would hate them for things they can't control hurts me. I miss them so much I can barely stand it. I wonder how they're doing. Maybe I'll be able to message them soon.

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Dear diary,

October 5, 2011

Okay, so I finally got some side-jobs. Some older man got me to clean his gutters and mow his lawn for sixty dollars or so then his neighbor came over and hired me to do some exterior painting on his barn tomorrow. My clothes look awful by now but if I'm going to keep getting paid like this I can always pick up some better clothes from the store. I've been staying in a hotel room these past few nights-- it's really run down but it's inexpensive. Having to deal with the constant smell of cigarettes isn't all that bad in retrospect.

I've been getting fast food too, I don't know why mother and father were so opposed to me having this! I can get a load of nice, warm fries for only a couple bucks. It's genius! Father should have gone into the food industry instead of the oil business. After all, we'll all run out of that someday yet food is a constant necessity in life.

It's getting rather late and I need to be getting to that barn early so that I don't end up working until the evening. Until next time, I suppose.

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Dear diary,

October 11, 2011

I miss everyone so badly that all I've done the past few days is cry. I finished all the jobs around town and I have nothing else to do but lay around the hotel and loathe myself. Bailey kept me sane back at home, without her I have no sense of guidance and direction. It's like I can't find any good side to anything. Despite her fierceness, she could be such an optimist and made me feel better no matter what. Kai was like that, too. I wish I could hear his voice right now, I really need some reassurance that I've done the right thing. We all used to joke about what we'd do if we had all the money and freedom in the world. Kai said that he'd like to go on tour and find a record label, Bailey said she'd quit her job and fund her parents' store, and I don't even remember what I said. Am I being too much? Would they think that the hair color and piercings are overwhelming? I don't even know if they'd like the changes.

I'm going to leave town tomorrow and try going to another place. I don't think I'll have much luck in the cities because there's always a lot of hustling and I feel like I'd have a harder time finding work there. I'll write again whenever I have the motivation to do so. Hopefully, the future holds happier and more promising things than the present.

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The clouds above him serve as a protective barrier between the warming rays of the sun and his groggy, poorly rested body. Jude hadn't gotten a solid night's sleep the entire week but knew it was necessary to show up for the painting session if nothing more than to get paid. It has never seemed very tiring, only time consuming, and he is certain that the day will pass just as sluggishly as the skies above.

He walks back to the neighborhood he was in yesterday and quickly finds his destination. The house itself is very squat, almost a bit too small looking, and is sided by clusters of pecan trees. The front yard is short but wide and contains one larger tree that has a tire swing hung from one branch. A dirt driveway winds from the road to behind the home where an open garage sits. Jude can see the dulled colors of the barn through the trees and heads towards it.

Before he gets too caught up in himself, he knocks on the garage door. There's no reply from inside after a few long calls so he decides to investigate the building out back. It towards high and looks like everything he's ever seen from country estates in the movies his father used to play. He enters and pushes back his bangs to peer into the rafters where he can see bales of hay stacked up and tools hanging from the walls.

"Hey there, stranger!" Comes a call from further into the barn. Jude squints towards the back where another kalon is standing with a ladder in hand. "I assume you're the painter? You're earlier than I thought! I already have the buckets outside and some brushes for you. I'm Jacob, Jacob Patterson. What's your name?"

"Nice to meet you, sir. I'm Jude Keer." They shake hands and he finds that the farmer's palms are rough from what he imagines to be years of labor. Once they're outside and Jude is given clear instruction on how to paint, where to paint, and how many coats are needed for each wall, he is left to his lonesome. The easiest thing to do is to go around the entire lower half of the building as high as he can reach then bother with the ladder. He begins to repaint the wood boards with intense precision, wanting to do a good job with it.

Jude makes quick work of it and is done with two coats in a little less than two hours, which is impressive considering the dimensions of the barn. While it seems small, it expands back further than one can see from one short look. Already, he has managed to taint his grey jeans as well as his black short-sleeved shirt with the bright red paint. It's so thick and vibrant that he doubts it'll come off easily, if at all, but he is sure that there is a thrift store of some kind back in town.

By the time that the clouds move from the sky and the back wall of the barn is entirely painted, it is lunchtime. Jacob comes with a jug of lemonade and some miniature sandwiches for Jude to snack on. He leaves them on the bench and calls out, complimenting the work thus far and alerting him to the food, before returning to his home to resume his previous activities, of which Jude can only guess at. The food fills his empty stomach and leaves him feeling refreshed for the sides and front of the barn.

Three more hours of work leave the building coated in fresh red and ready for the white trim. The back, as well as both sides, have been completed, leaving Jude the task of the front portion to complete before the day is done. He's thoroughly exhausted, the lemonade jug is empty, his snacks are gone, and the sun is angled to shine directly from behind him and heat up his back to an uncomfortable degree. He works through the aching pains in his arm and finishes the trim with a few clean strokes. Finally, he drops to the ground from the last couple of ladder steps and sighs aloud.

"You did a great job here, boy! It looks good as new, I'll tell you that, and I bet it'll be the talk of the town for months. We have a festival coming up and I always host the dance and reception for it in my barn so it's good that you came along to repaint it for me. I got your pay right here." Jacob fishes in his pocket before retrieving a few larger bills. They appear a bit crumpled and dirtied but to Jude, they are a shining salvation. He takes them with a humbled smile.

"Thank you, sir. I'm glad I could have helped you in this way."

"You know-," he pauses, "if you're looking for more work I know an older lady that needs some help. She runs an orphanage, you know, got a lot of little kits running about, and I heard she's in need of some repairs and maybe some painting. If you want to talk to her about it, she's right up the road three houses from me. The mailbox is one of those big brick ones, you can't miss it."

Jude nods curtly and folds the money into his pocket.

"It'll be worth my time to stay a few more days, I suppose. I'll talk to her first thing tomorrow, thank you for the recommendation." He smiles and they chatter more before parting on their way with Jacob returning to his home and Jude walking his way back to the hotel.

[mousekewitz]

Dear diary,

October 13, 2011

I ended up staying in town and went to visit that woman that Jacob told me about. She seems very kind and isn't frail but would obviously need help doing general repairs. The kits were away but it looked like she had a full house. There were drawings all over her fridge and her walls were filled with pictures of kalons of all ages-- I assume some of them were previously under her care and that others are newer. The woman's name is Aysha Mae Parks and she's been living on her own for quite some time. She showed me around the grounds but I barely remember where things are. The house is understandably large to be able to hold her and all of the kits.

Aysha told me that she needs some repainting as well as floor and wall repairs. I'm not sure how to do some of those things but she's going to watch over me so that she can give instruction until I get the hang of things. I think it's going to take some time for all of this to be done so I went ahead and made another month's payment for my hotel room. Supposedly, she'll pay me weekly to make sure I'm not out of money for too long. My luck is getting better!

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Dear diary,

October 15, 2011

I went in today to start painting and the children were back. There were seven of them and I kept forgetting their names so I had to write them down to avoid forgetting. There's Maisey, Kaleho, Aki, Orpheus, Fawn, Willow, and Daeva. I hope that they won't get too in the way while I'm working because I'd hate for any of them to get hurt. I'm going to get some dinner so this entry is going to be cut short!

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Dear diary,

October 16, 2011

Today I did some painting and the kits hung around me a majority of the day, Willow especially. She kept asking about where I was from, why my hair is colored so funny, and why I have metal in my lip. Aki, another orphan, hung around with her and they took turns asking questions. I have a high tolerance for kits and their antics so it wasn't a bother; I kept painting and they asked to their heart's desire. At one point they even helped me paint and attacked me with the brushes, thankfully I was wearing the same outfit from the barn so it wasn't a big deal.

Aysha made us all spaghetti for lunch and I met the rest of the kits again. One of them, I believe his name was Orpheus, kept to himself the entire time, he only ever looked at me and never said anything. He seemed sweet and just probably doesn't know how to talk with new people. I went back to paint after with Willow and Aki. Fawn, one of the other kits, came up after she had helped wash dishes and watches us paint. When I asked her about herself she talked about loving her ukulele, I'm thinking of asking her to play a bit for me tomorrow. These kits are so lovely I hope that someday they all get the love they deserve.

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Dear diary,

October 17, 2011

Somehow I've turned into a babysitter and a repair man. The kits have taken a liking to me and try to get me to play with them all the time. Usually, I wouldn't mind, but Aysha is paying me for painting and fixing the house, not to watch them. She did mention something about paying me extra cash to help chaperone them for Halloween. I can definitely see how watching after all of them at once, especially on such a big holiday, could be difficult. She showed me some of their costumes and invited me to go pick pumpkins with them tomorrow. I haven't ever done it before, I'm rather excited.

When I left the house this afternoon, Maisey almost hit me in the head with one of her tennis balls. She mentioned something about practicing for a school team by hitting them against the side of the house. At least it's brick, right? Willow gave me some brownies that she'd made. No fast food dinner for me! They're pretty good too, I didn't expect someone her age to be quite so skilled in baking. I'm going to shower and relax with some movies.

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Dear diary,

October 18, 2011

The pumpkin patch was so crowded and everyone got really excited over it. For the most part, everyone stayed together, but we lost track of both Kaleho and Orpheus. Daeva found them by the food stand but Aysha reprimanded them on their foolishness anyway. I bought them all snacks from the stand and we ended up going through the corn maze at Aki's insistence. Aysha took Kaleho, Orpheus, Fawn, and Daeva while I took Maisey, Willow, and Aki. They declared themselves my troop and kept playing in the stalks. It was really fun being able to relax and have a nice time with them all.

When we met up again, we went to get some pumpkins. Aki tried to get the biggest one in the field but it couldn't possibly fit in her van so he had to settle for a smaller one. Everyone got a normal sized one then two smaller ones-- Aysha said it was a tradition for the kits to decorate the smaller ones with marker, glitter, sequins, etc as personal projects. The rest of the pumpkins would be carved and put on the porch. I bought the both of us pumpkins and she seemed flattered; I don't think she does them herself most years. Tomorrow we are going to carve them!

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Dear diary,

October 19, 2011

The kits had a blast today with the carving. I made mine a simple design but some of them got so creative with it. There was a spider, a cat face, a big swirl, a scary face, a sad face, a happy face, and a wolf. Aysha did a more complicated and realistic looking face; it's truly stunning. I helped put the candles in and we all took a picture of them lined up on the porch with the kits behind their pumpkins. She brought out the craft stuff and they spent the rest of the night working on their miniature designs. Most of them just had glitter and random sequins but Willow made a pretty pattern out of hers. These kits impress me more every day.

I'm going to put together a skeleton outfit for Halloween for chaperoning. Aysha is going as a witch, I'll be a skeleton, and the kits have all of their outfits. Maisey is going as a professional tennis player, Aki wanted to be a wizard, Kaleho is a pirate, Orpheus is a scarecrow, Fawn is going to take her ukulele and be some sort of musician, Daeva is going to be an astronaut, and Willow is a doctor from some show she watches.

As soon as I find some dark clothes and white paint, I'll be set!

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Dear diary,

October 25, 2011

Everything went perfectly! All the kits had a great time getting candy around the street and I even took them to a festival that was more in town. Some of them got their faces painted and the others had spray on tattoos. There was one house that gave out full packs of candy to everyone-- I could tell that Aysha wasn't stoked about it but the kits lost their minds over their little hoards. I ended up getting a piece or two but let everyone else have whatever I didn't want. Before we left, Aysha got a picture of all of us together in front of the house in costume and we look pretty cool, I will admit.

It's wild to think of all that's happened. I didn't ever mean to stay here this long but they're like the family I never had. Aysha is more than a mom to me than my biological mother or Miss Martha could ever be. I still miss my online friends but soon I'll have the time to message them. I wonder how mother and father are, and if the company is still running smoothly. I haven't heard anything from them. Not a single time has either one of them tried to call me or reconnect. I suppose I can't be bitter at them forever. When Aysha and I talk about them she tells me to better than them because in the end I'm going to be the way I am and my parents can't influence me forever. She's right, I just don't like admitting that there's a rift in my family. I wish that I could have a normal family that cherishes me no matter who I want to be with or how I want to look. I suppose that I have my own right here with Aysha and the orphans, though. The thought of that makes me very happy.

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Dear diary,

October 30, 2011

My parents are dead. I got a call this morning from their lawyer that they'd passed in a car accident around early yesterday morning when a drunk driver hit father's truck and sent them off the road into a ditch. A witness said they rolled six times and then stopped against a tree. Aysha gave me the day off and the kits haven't talked to me at all. I feel like my head is swimming. It just doesn't seem possible that they could be gone. I haven't seen them in what feels like forever but at the same time it feels like yesterday that we all were on the cruise for my birthday.

Their lawyer is going to come discuss things with me this week so I'll be deciding what goes to who, since I am next of kin. I literally don't know what to do with myself anymore. I didn't regard myself as close to them but that is still a huge piece of my life that is gone. It's not like we could have reconciled anytime soon, I just wish that I had the opportunity to try to.

I'm writing this later in the day, we just had dinner. Aysha came to bring me food so I didn't have to leave this room and said that if I wanted, she would employ me here and I could stay here. The spare room I've been in all today could easily be turned into my bedroom and that would mean I don't have to stay at the hotel in town. I have a lot to think over.

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"Good afternoon, Mr. Keer. I'm your father's lawyer." The kalon extends his paw for a shake, one which Jude reluctantly gives in to. Aysha and the kits are out at the park for the day as to allow Jude this private time. Since the deaths, he has moved into the spare bedroom and re-established contact with his old friends. The mourning process has been unimaginably difficult, if not only for his need to cope with the family disconnect.

"May we sit?"

"Yes-- yes, sorry. Do you want a drink or something?"

"I'm quite alright, thank you." The kalon settles at the table in the kitchen. As Jude sits before him, his eyes focus on the photograph hanging on the wall. Aysha had framed the picture of them all in costume on Halloween and put it up. Looking at all the smiling faces makes his heart flutter warmly. It feels like home.

"So, Jude-- may I call you that? Your father's company--."

"Mother and father's," he corrects without thinking, "they co-owned it."

There's a pause from the lawyer; he studies Jude over his glasses.

"Yes, their company. It's been left to you with the remainder of their possessions. Their home, their boat, the vacation homes, and their vehicles as well as everything inside the home is yours now. I can help you if you wish to distrubute it among family?"

"I want to sell it all. I live here now with Aysha Parks and I work with her to help raise orphaned kits. We need a lot of repairs to be done and that means a lot of supplies and paint. Plus, there are holidays coming up and a new semester of school so they will be wanting gifts and needing supplies. I'm sure all of mother and father's assets will pay for this place for a long time."

The lawyer looks stunned. After a moment, he removes his glasses and puts them atop the piles of papers he'd spread onto the table. Jude tries to read the headings of the documents but finds it too difficult to from this angle. His eyes cut up innocently to the lawyer's face which is heating red.

"You want to sell all of this just for some orphaned kits?" His voice sounds harshly bitter.

"I sure do-- I've been spending time with them and they mean an awful lot to me. Maisey needs money to pay for the tennis team fees, for isntance, and Willow likes baking a lot, she wants to take cooking classes. How are we supposed to pay for these things?"

"Well, if I were you, there wouldn't be any fees or classes. Kits need to be humbled and not expect hand-outs like that. You're too kind to them, Mr. Keer."

"I am not too kind to them. Their families didn't want them," Jude narrows his eyes. "This isn't some hand-out because I feel bad for them, they're all kind souls and deserve things. How can you say that someone doesn't deserve to be on a tennis team or take cooking classes? Those are their passions! They want it so badly, how can I stand by when I could help them pay for it? Aysha, who runs this place, has been nothing but kind to me. As you said before, all their assets are mine. I'm telling you to tell them."

The air stands still between them. While the world outside continues spinning, cars driving past and butterflies flitting from bush to bush, the atmosphere in the kitchen edges on violent. Jude props his head up with one paw as he stares at the lawyer expectantly. With his spare hand he gives a dismissive wave.

"I'm waiting, sir."

His lawyer clears his throat. After another moment's pause, he shuffles the papers and retrieves a pen.

"I fear you are mighty foolish, young man, but I will indulge you. Does this include the oil rigs as well?"

"No-- I wish to keep that. I need to make visits to the main office and sort out things but I want to keep income, should the funds from their other assets run out. Do I need to sign anything?"

"I'll write up a document with your requests and come back sometime next week, that is when you will sign. I'll give you a call, yes?" The lawyer shoves the papers into his bag, looking resigned. He perches his glasses back upon his nose. "Thank you for your time, Jude."

"No, no. Thank you." Jude stands with a smile and offers his hand for a firm shake. Outside the front door is a loud ruckus of giggles and yelling. Kits rush in with Aysha in tow, their faces bright after a day of fun. They run to Jude and hug him all at once, prompting a laugh from the elder kalon and an understanding smile from the lawyer.

"I'll be in contact. Have a safe rest of your week." The kits look to him as he leaves then they all turn back to their friend. Willow is the first to speak up.

"Jude, who was that?"

"A family friend. I had to do some gross adult stuff, it's so boring if I told you about it, you'd fall asleep!" He relaxes in their arms dramatically, feigning tiredness, and the group laughs. "Come on now, let's go upstairs. I found you all a board game yesterday. It's on my bed."

Immediately the young ones dash off. The elder woman comes to put a paw on Jude's shoulder as the pounding of little feet echoes throughout the house. He steadies her with a reassuring smile.

"Everything will be okay, Aysha. I got it under control."

[mousekewitz]

Dear diary,

November 10, 2011

I feel as if I'm living a lie. Aysha keeps telling me that it's bad to bottle things up and that I need to be open with how I feel but I can't. All the years being judged by father for showing my emotions has left me unable to express myself. Even without their presence, I'm haunted by it. The funeral is going to be this Sunday. It'll be back home so I have to drive the two hours out there. Thankfully, Aysha has let my borrow her van for it. The kits know something is wrong but they haven't quite figured it out-- I don't want to dump my problems on them. They already have issues with their parents without my own drama. Willow leaves me some baked goods every day; I think she's trying to cheer me up. Today she gave me some banana nut muffins, they were really good. She's been going to classes for some time now to learn more culinary skills and Maisey was finally able to pay her portion of the team fees. Hopefully, I'll feel more up to writing soon.

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Dear diary,

November 12, 2011

I just got home from the funeral. I drove straight back after it ended and Aysha told me the lawyer had come by. I haven't been answering my phone at all lately, I've been too anxious and upset, but he dropped off some papers that finalized my ownership of the company and the selling of their assets. Aysha seemed extremely pleased and surprised that I was giving all the money to her. She deserves a lot more than she earns with these kits, they've been able to have an actual family because of her and even if this is all I can give, I want to give it to her.

I need to make visits to the main office. Father used to pay his friends bonus checks and snubbed the workers that were out in the rigs and transporting the oil itself. I don't want to fire anyone but if that's what it takes to have an honest company, then I'll do it. I had a long talk with Aysha about it and she agrees that I should show some authority since I am the new CEO. I feel extremely overwhelmed.

In other news, I've regained contact with Bailey! She's going to message Bella and Preston-- apparently, Preston is on a cruise, like I thought, and Bella just forgot to pay her phone bill. I told her what all has gone on and she's going to try and take some time off work to come see me. I really hope she can come, I've never met her in real life and I really would appreciate some support right now.

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Dear diary,

November 15, 2011

The kits and I went apple-picking today in Jacob's orchard. He invited us down there so Aysha could have a day off and the kits would be occupied. He seemed a bit worried to hear that I've been cooped up in the house all day, the fresh air did us all some good. Aki was really into the whole process and kept asking Jacob questions about sowing the seeds, the trees themselves, and what he does with all the leftover stock. We ended up taking two baskets of them home and Willow made us three apple pies from it.

Aysha told me she went to the spa and had a ball getting her hair and nails done. After the kits went to bed I had a really soothing bath with a storm scented candle. I nearly fell asleep in the tub but I managed to get back to my room. I'm too exhausted to make this entry very long but things are getting better, bit by bit!

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Dear diary,

November 30, 2011

I haven't been relying that much on my diary, which I suppose is a good thing. I used to need it a lot to think things out but I guess that I just don't need it as much. Besides, I've been very busy with renovations and helping the kits rearrange their rooms. Some of them wanted to change roommates and others wanted their room repainted. It's been a surprising amount of work-- I can only really do it when they're home from school; they've been on break the past two weeks and will be going back for two and a half weeks before a holiday break. This house never stops!

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Dear diary,

December 5, 2011

I got everything with the business sorted out. A few people left the company before I could fire them for corruption but I ended up promoting a few good workers to fill their spots. Since I need to stay with Aysha and the kits, I also hired someone to work as my second in command to watch over for corruption or anything else. It's a load off my chest. Now I can focus on things at home.

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Dear diary,

December 12, 2011

Aysha and I went to the store for some decorations today. Some of the kits have different holiday practices so to avoid the mess of making them decide what to celebrate, she said we celebrate all of the holidays at once on New Year's day. It's supposed to make sure no one feels left out; I'm not sure how well it'll work in the future, whenever they do decide, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it! We have lights and other little stand-up decorations. I got the kits some of their gifts already, Aysha is going to help me wrap them.

Willow is going to find some recipes to make desserts for dinner and Aki said something about putting on a little play for Aysha and me to get into the spirit of things. This will be the first holiday season that I'm excited for. Usually, mother and father would only be present for me to receive my gifts and then had to leave soon after. Every time I think about how I have a family that loves and accepts me, I tear up a little. I love it here.

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Dear diary,

December 20, 2011

I've done a lot of crying today. Aysha told me that, should anything happen to her, she wants me to take over the orphanage. Does she really trust me that much? I don't feel worthy of that responsibility. Why does she want me to do it? I have money but I don't know if I have what it takes to raise all these kits. I don't think I could even remember to feed a goldfish on time-- raising them would be a lot of responsibility. I'm flattered, really, but the thought of being on my own, without Aysha at my side, makes me feel anxious and upset.

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Dear diary,

December 26, 2011

Bailey is coming up for the New Year! She got time off work so she's going to pick up Kai and visit me for a while. I think we're going to go sight-seeing; Bella is going to meet up with them somewhere along the way and drive with them. Part of me is still grieving but I'm happy that I have these great friends that are willing to come all this way just for me. I feel loved and important and secure and I don't know what to do with myself.

The New Year is soon. It's always been my favorite holiday-- every year I'd make resolutions and felt so refreshed once the countdown finished because I knew that it was a whole new chance to be true to myself. I know it sounds cheesy and that not everyone puts so much thought into it but it means so much to me. Even as a kid, I felt like no matter how bad I was the previous year, I could always be better the next year and that I could maybe, for once, be myself. I'm afraid to cry if I talk about it too much so I'm going to go to bed.

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Dear diary,

January 1, 2012

It's the New Year! The kits loved their gifts and my friends will be in by noon tomorrow. I just got off the phone with Preston and filled them all in on what's been going on in my absence. He said that they're going to take me out to eat and maybe on a little vacation. I was hesitant to leave Aysha but she seems to support me having some alone time. It's been a little over two months and it really hasn't sunk in. I wake up every day and things seem fine. For a moment I think I'm sixteen again, back home, worrying over Miss Martha's next quiz and what mother was going to make for dinner. Then I remember they're gone-- my parents are dead and Miss Martha isn't here to support me. It hurts so badly but I'm moving on forward.

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Bella revs the engine of her van before giving a playful honk. Preston leans with one arm out the window towards the house where the kits stand, watching and talking amongst themselves, waiting for Jude to emerge. When he finally does, his friends cheer and toss up their arms in a small celebration.

"Come on!" Bailey stands at the back and holds the doors into the van open. Though Bella's van only has room, usually, for one person, she has temporarily taken down her shrine on the other half to install another bed, for Preston, and then two hammocks on either end of the bed for Bailey and Jude. Kai is stuck on an inflatable mattress in the middle of the back section.

Jude, all smiles, takes his light suitcase to the doors and slides it under Bella's bed, catching it with the netting that holds his items as well as their bags from sliding about the cabin. They all greet him with a call of salutations and a wave or two. Once he fastens his things into place he runs back to hug the kits.

"I'll be back in a week or two. Remember to mind Aysha while I'm away and to keep your bedrooms clean! Don't forget to do your chores, don't forget your club meetings, oh-- don't forget to turn off the porch light either. Aysha forgets sometimes," the kits groan as he continues, "I won't be here to remind you of these things, stop rolling your eyes."

He ruffles Aki's hair gently then goes around the group, giving individual comments and reminders to the tearful faces surrounding him. When Jude looks up he sees Aysha with red-rimmed eyes and a tissue crumpled in her paws.

"Aw, Aysha! I'll be back before you know it!" Arms wide, he goes to envelop her in a hug. He rubs his paws across her back comfortingly. "You can call me if anything goes wrong and Bella will be back here in half the time it'd usually take. That's a guarantee."

This prompts a smile from her. She dabs her eyes once more before sniffling.

"You go out there and have fun, Jude, you deserve to let loose for once. Things will be fine so try not to worry too much about us. We'll still be here when you've come home."

The word sparks a fluttering in his heart. Home. When he comes home they'll all be here waiting. Perhaps Aki will have a new invention thought up, maybe Maisey will have won a tournament, and Willow could have learned a new recipe. Jude bids them all goodbye before sliding into the front row of the van beside Preston. The wheels back over the dirt, soon to be paved, driveway and into the road. His eyes flicker to the group and he finds his vision blurring as they start off. As Jude looks behind them he sees a few of the kits running after the van with grins on their faces. Tears dribble down his cheeks and float off into the wind, hands waving a short farewell.

[mousekewitz]

Thank you for reading my entry! Please do not post on this thread. Click HERE to return to the contest thread! A big thank you to everyone that allowed me to use their kalons for this entry. Kai, Bella, Willow, Bailey, and Preston are mine, Jacob
Patterson, Miss Martha, and the lawyer are non-canon kalons.

Aysha Mae Parks -- belongs to tøyger
Maisey -- belongs to Hinoka
Kaleho -- belongs to cyborgishly
Aki -- belongs to oyasumikip!
Orpheus -- belongs to high noon
Fawn -- belongs to dear theodosia,
Daeva -- belongs to dear theodosia,

A final thank you to my friend for doing the art to the left! Click HERE to view their account <3