Notes to self wrote:Complex horns (rare)
Full tuft set (uncommon)
Dragon nose (uncommon)
Despite my young age, I will never forget that day. The day when everything changed, and the rest of my life was decided for me. I was hardly a year old at the time, still on all fours and happily enjoying my innocent life. We weren’t exactly the richest family, but Father worked hard in the country and Mother ran a bakery in town. I would always go with her, mostly because there was no one to watch me and I couldn’t be on my own yet, but also because I looked forward to the sweets she would slip me when nobody was looking.
That day was a Thursday evening. On the weekend the town was to hold the annual harvest festival, and Mother and Father had been working extra hard getting ready for it. Father came home that night rather early, to our surprise, but neither Mother nor me complained. Father had brought a bunch of flowers back for Mother. They were lotus flowers, beautiful and in bloom. I will never forget those flowers that in time would come to haunt me. Father must have traveled to the pond to get them, but they were Mother’s favorite; she accepted them gratefully. I didn’t notice it at the time, but Father seemed rather off. His normally calm, laid back demeanor replaced by a somewhat rushed, on edge persona. I paid it no mind. I was just happy to be with him.
Not hours after Father’s early return home, They came. Heavy thumps on the door had Father’s fur standing on edge, and he protectively stood in front of me. Confused, I grabbed onto Mother’s fur and buried my head into her side. The door cracked, and He broke into our home. I knew him from rumors in town, the Aristocratic leader of this town and the neighboring towns. He was small, but had guards in armor standing on either side of him. Father yelled at Him to leave, but his cry meant nothing. The noble snarled and threatened Father, but Father wouldn’t back down and stood as tall as he could in front of Mother and I. Father screeched and lunged at the noble, but it had ended before it had begun. The last thing I remember from That was the sight of Father’s body on the ground, his fur becoming matted and stained by his own blood. Mother placed the lotus flowers over his body before the noble and his escorts forced us out of our home.
Mother was married into the aristocratic family, and the noble who had killed Father was to become my new father. I never accepted him as a father, and I hated Him. I don’t know why He did it, but He always had this air around him that said ‘I can, and I will’. I was chosen to be his heir, and Mother couldn’t have been more proud of me. “Oh, how much opportunity you have now!” Mother would tell me, but I could tell she was forcing out the words. She wasn’t happy, and neither was I. I didn’t want this, I never have. I wanted to be in our run down home in town, or in the shabby bakery with Mother. But I was raised to be a noble, an heir to the position of head in command for our town and the surrounding towns. I was raised for no other purpose, without a sense of self. I was mindless, my only purpose to rule. I had no other choice.
It has been ten years since then, and my life has hardly changed. I get up, eat at the royal table surrounded by my guards, go through my daily training, attend classes to prepare me for when I am to succeed Him, eat my prepared meal, and go to bed. It was a mindless routine that I was requited to follow day to day, and I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t have the strength to rebel. I didn’t have the courage to speak out. I had nothing.
Every so often, I would sneak away from the guards to visit Mother. She was getting older and sicker as each day passed. The stuffy stone palace was quickly deteriorating her health, not that she was very healthy to begin with. Even back at home she was sick with something, but a smile was always on her pretty face. We never had very long together; the guards would always find me within an hour. Mother and I would chat about casual things, and how we had taken advantage of the little things in our old home. Things like walking down the main street in town, baking bread together, the gentle breeze in spring, watching flowers bloom outside our windows, freedom. We would sit by the window and laugh as if everything were still the same, that’s when I first started seeing them. Those flowers that Father had brought home that day, and how they draped over his bleeding body. My eyes would play tricks on me, but I would ignore them. They rarely showed up, and I wasn’t a dumb viscet; I knew reality from my taunting hallucinations. I paid it no mind.
When I was fourteen, Mother passed. She had tried to hide her weakening body from me, but I knew better. I didn’t want to think about it, but before I knew it, it was too late and she was gone. My only regret is our last secret conversation together, “Oh, look at you now!” She claimed, pride gleaming in her weak eyes, “You have so much opportunity here, aren’t you happy?” Happy? How could I possibly be happy? I thought she was joking. I smiled and gave a lighthearted laugh, but Mother looked concerned and serious. “Shiki, I know you don’t think so, but it’s not as bad here as you think.” I snorted and turned away, ducking my head. I didn’t want to look at her, didn’t want her to see the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. Mother embraced me and I froze up, but welcomed her warmth. I saw those flowers again. Should I tell her? What would she think of me? I didn’t want to concern her, so I never mentioned it. After Mother passed, the flowers appeared more often and more vivid, causing my emotions to swirl close to insanity each passing day. But I knew better. I was able to stabilize myself in those moments, not giving into the demons whispering lies in my head. I grew numb to them over time.
The noble never called me by name. Instead, He would call me ‘Nanashi’, a poor excuse of name, really, but He just needed something to call me and refused to use my real name. “With a new life comes a chance to start over,” He had told me, though rather passively. Did He think I wanted to start my life over? Quite the opposite, I’d rather be living out my commoner life than be stuffed up in this palace. I refused at first, but He only saw it as a viscetling’s tantrums and brushed it off with a sigh. “Nanashi,” He would say, “this is your life now, and you have no other choice.”
I couldn’t refuse, couldn’t fight back, in fear of what He might do to me. In fear of my fate mirroring my Fathers. All the guards and servants called me that as well, and I grew to accept it, though passive aggressively at best. ‘Nanashi’ is a name given to orphans, and literally means ‘No Name’ or ‘Nameless’. Over time I became used to it, and only Mother knew my real name. After she passed, my name was the only thing I had left. ‘Shiki’ was my only tie to the real world.
I never told Him about the flowers. Why would I? How could I? He wouldn’t listen, or might see it as a sign of weakness and get rid of me. Though I couldn’t ignore the flowers becoming more vivid and taunting each time they showed up. It was getting harder to ignore them and my head would throb in confusion and fear of losing myself to the darkness that was eating me alive. I would often cry myself to sleep, but even in sleep the hallucinations taunted me. I couldn’t get away from them, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep this up.
On my 20th birthday, I received my crown. Everything I had been training for has lead up to this moment, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. A petite crown of gold was placed atop my head, golden loops were snapped around my horns, and a golden looplet was fitted at the end of my tail. I should be proud, standing tall above the gathered crowd in the town’s plaza. Instead I felt a swirl of emotions; scared, anger, sadness… alone. The crowd cheered as I was titled as the town’s leader, as well as leader of the surrounding cities. Even though the roar of approval was ringing in my ears, I could feel the judgmental eyes and hatred burning my fur. If only they knew, I thought, that I was really one of them. That I wanted to be among them, not up here. I don’t want this, I never have. But I don’t have a choice. I follow orders obediently and without question, though I long to rebel. I listen to His mocking words, His promises lased with lies, though how I long to cry out and scream. I do my job as expected though, I know better than to let such an important duty go unsupervised. But I can’t help but wonder where my life would if it played out as it should have, without Him.
