SPACE"You want me to tell you what?" the greying para asked me, his incredulous tone suddenly making me feel foolish and small. I knew this interview was going to be a challenge, as we all held Jordan in a little bit of awe. He was a survivor, and honest to goodness survivor who had faced the horror and come through the other side. How could you not have respect for that? Thus, when the story came up, I jumped at the chance, but now I was having second thoughts. His presence, the gravitas that surrounded him, was much stronger than I had anticipated, and though I was seldom intimidated by the circumstance of the important people I interviewed, his was one that demanded respect.
SPACEClearing my throat, I shuffled through my notes nervously, looking for a place to start over. The whole while I could feel Jordan's brown eyes on me, as though he judged my actions, and I began to fear the interview would be over before it even started.
"Sorry sir, I uh... The paper was hoping that you could share with us your plan for surviving the zed attacks. You know, so that others might benefit from your experiences?" I asked again, hoping the question now reflected the diffidence I felt towards him.
SPACELetting out a soft huff, Jordan shook his head and looked down at his claws as though remembering something, his introspection lasting just long enough for the silence between us to grow uncomfortable.
"You want a plan..." he said, not even bothering to look at me as he spoke.
"Let me ask you this, before you go on with your questions and ask about the things you all ask me about... Are you worth it?" he asked, finally looking up and pinning me with his eyes.
"Are you the type of person who, when the whole world is going to heck can hold onto you humanity and not just survive, but still be worth having alive when it is all said and done? It might be all well and good to feed your body and protect your skin, but can you hold onto your soul when those you love die around you, or worse yet, are turned, mere shadows of the ones you once knew, and look into their dead eyes filled with nothing but the desire to consume?" he asked again, and all I could do was look back, unable to bring myself to offer what would surely sound like nothing more than a pathetic attempt, a mere semblance of an answer. Finally though, he looked away and in some small way I was relieved to be out from under his scrutiny. When he continued, he sounded tired, as though this conversation had already grown stale.
"It's not as easy as you think, you know. To look death full in the face and say no, not today. Go on when any reasonable person would just give up..." he said quietly, trailing off as though haunted by the past.
SPACEOf course, no one could really know how they would react in such a situation until it really happened, and no matter how good the plan, or how prepared you thought you were, it could all fall apart in an instant. For Jordan, it was a painful truth, and I could only imagine where his mind took him. Before all of this started, when life was so different, Jordan had a daughter named Kalyn. Back in the dead zone, when this thing first started happening and no one knew what it was, they had set off together, running from the city and its terrors. She didn't make it. Worst of all, it wasn't even the zed that got her. They had just cleared the clogged mess of the highway and had managed to move a little way down the road when some idiot in a car came speeding straight at them. Jordan tried to save her, pushing her out of the way, but at the last second the car swerved straight towards her, careening off the road and into a tree. The driver didn't survive, but neither did Kalyn. He didn't even have time to bury her before he had to flee the undead that spread out from the city, and now it was painfully obvious that he still carried that with him to this day.
SPACEThe things he must have seen in his time, and the life he had lived, it all hung heavy in the air between us like a thick curtain separating us, the true survivor and the uninitiated. Once again we were both silent, each of us caught up in our own thoughts until Jordan shook himself and turned his eyes back to me. Already I was a bit ashamed for making him relive something so painful, but at this point, there was no turning back and I would finish my questions.
"So you would go it alone then? Leave others to fend for themselves?" I asked, sticking to the points I had discussed with my editor and not touching on his past.
SPACEMuch to my surprise though, Jordan shook his head to this as well.
"No... No, of course not. No one survives for long on their own," he replied softly, seeming to have mastered some of the ghosts that haunted him.
"You've got to try and help each other as best as you can, and hold on to what little bit of goodness that is left in you. No one comes out from something like this unscathed, and heck, even if it is just for another set of eyes to keep a lookout, having someone with you is important," he said, seeming to consider his next words carefully.
"That being said, you can't let others influence you too much. Help them and yourself, so long as it seems to benefit everyone involved. I've seen as much harm come from perfectly healthy people with twisted ideas of morality as the hordes that chased them. You have to be strong enough to hold onto your ideals and not let others warp you into doing horrible things in the name of survival."SPACEFeeling the importance of his words, I wrote them down quickly in my notebook, wanting to capture each one of them exactly the way he had spoken them. Jordan waited quietly while I finished, seeming to take a bit interest in what I was writing, and I could sense that in some way he appreciated the attention and reverence I gave him. This gave me hope, and I pushed on to my next question.
"Ah humm... So it is better to be in a group even if it means more mouths to feed then? How do you make sure everyone has enough to eat?"SPACETo this one, I actually received a ghost of a smile from Jordan, a rare favor from the normally stoic bird.
"Luckily, that is one of the things you don't really have to worry that much about at first. For the first couple of week, heck even a few months, food is everywhere. Grocery stores are packed full of it, and the plants in the fields keep growing with or without farmers to tend them. The zed of course won't touch it, and unless some jerk has tried to keep it all for himself, it is all pretty much just lying around waiting for you to take it. Unless you were exceedingly lucky to be in someplace safe when things start to fall apart, it is best just to worry about it one day at a time. After all, you can go for weeks without food. Carrying clean water and protecting yourself should be your first priorities until you can find someplace to fortify and stop running," he said, his answer seeming to be a bit more open when the questions were more straightforward.
SPACEWanting to keep the flow moving and keep him talking, I quickly grasped onto part of what he had said, wanting to save the topic of safe houses for later. Finding the place in my notes I wanted to continue from, I looked back to him, genuinely enjoying myself now.
"Right, of course! Just surviving long enough to be hungry is probably more important. What is your weapon of choice then?" I asked, genuinely curious as to what he would come up with.
SPACEThough Jordan didn't seem to be nearly as amused with my question as I myself was, his answer came readily and I was not to be disappointed.
"Now that is really just a matter of preference. Guns and the like might seem to be the best choice, because really, anything that is going to let you kill a zed without getting close to it is a good thing. However, they are really more of a luxury than anything. Any weapon larger than a handgun is heavy and cumbersome to carry and will slow you down. Also, they all have a certain amount of maintenance that is needed, and keeping enough ammo around can be difficult. Fancy weapons are also not that easy to come by, and unless you own one yourself, it might be awhile before you could even get your hands on one. I mean, really think about this: just how many people do you know that own an automatic weapon?" he said, pausing for a moment to smooth the feathers on his breast before continuing.
"In a pinch, just about anything can be turned into a weapon. Anything you can swing hard enough to knock someone out, or stab them with hard enough to stop them will work. As... Gratifying... As it can be to kill zed, all that really matters is to hold them off long enough that you can escape. There is literally no weapon out there that could ever stop them all," he said, his demeanor turning a bit darker again for a moment before pulling himself out of it to finish.
"Personally, I'd like to have a handgun, something semi-automatic and a long knife for backup. At least the knife would be useful for general survival when you aren't fleeing the undead."SPACEImpressed by the amount of thought Jordan had put into his answer, I nodded, eagerly taking in what he had to say. This time, it was me that offered the smile.
"But no one can run forever, right?" I asked and he shook his head.
SPACE"No, of course not. Even the strongest para gets tired eventually..." he replied, seeming to sense the direction I was going.
SPACE"So where do you go then? It must be hard to find safety when just about everything that moves is out to get you," I countered, coaxing him to offer more information.
SPACEJordan sighed a little, his feathers raising slightly before settling down again, and he tilted his head a bit to the right while he thought.
"This is where being a team player and finding a way to cooperate with others becomes really important. It is almost impossible to secure anything larger than an outhouse by yourself. After all, you have to sleep sometime, wether you want to or not. Even just one other person to hold a board while you nail it, or take first watch when you're tired, those are the kind of things that make a big difference to long term survival," he started, leaning forward for emphasis.
"Once you get a few survivors together, you can build walls and find some small semblance of safety, then you can really start to live again and build a community. That's when you can start thinking about food and long term solutions," he said, seeming pleased with the more positive line of discussion.
SPACE"So, say you have the people and the supplies you need. Where do you go? What kind of the place is easiest to make safe?" I asked, feeding off of his positivity, and was not surprised when he had a ready answer for me. If this is one thing someone who comes out of this does well, it is reflection and wondering what you might have done better.
SPACE"You know, I've thought about that a lot, and there are all kinds of places that I wish I could have found. I mean, probably the best place I could think of would be a prison. Think of it! It already has the best walls you could ask for, and if they can keep things in, the sure as heck can help keep them out too. There's also plenty of room to plant seeds and grow crops outside, and they almost always have a backup generator, so you could have power when it really mattered," he said, seeming almost wistful as he spoke.
"For that matter, if you somehow ended up with a whole bunch of people, a big stadium would be nice too. The outside walls are enormous, and there are only a few entrances to secure. The field would be perfect for farming and you might already have fertilizer and stuff actually in the building. Even if it was astroturf, they is probably dirt under it anyway. Besides, they are always surrounded by parking lots, a huge, flat black surface. So nothing would be sneaking up on you," he shook his head then, seeming to push both ideas aside.
"I was never that lucky though. I think really what you need to do is just concentrate on getting someplace isolated. The more people there were around, the more zed there will be, so just get as far away as possible and dig in. A rural farm, the visitor center in a national park or, if you had enough people, a very small town. Anything you could build a wall around to hold zed off long enough to kill them before they kill you," he said.
SPACEGrateful for Jordan's time, I rose to my feet and he did the same, stretching one wing out as he settled on his paws. The movement seemed a bit painful, and for the first time I really took him in for what he was. He had seen more hardship, more pain and loss in his life than I could even imagine, and for that I both admired and pitied him. No one should have to live the life he had. No one came out from such a thing completely unscathed, and I wondered what scars his grayed feathers hid. However, it would seem petty to broach such a subject after how far we had come, and in the end, I simply thanked him for his time, honestly grateful for the insight he had given me and promised that I would honer his words in my story.
SPACEJust as I was to leave however, Jordan stopped me, placing a paw gently on my shoulder. Turning to look at him, he met my eyes and said simply,
"Be safe." Never before had that parting wish struck me so strongly, and for the rest of my life I will never forget the haunted look he held, and what a tenuous bond it is we have with this world.