as long as i'm around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you.
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brave-
dean is afraid of pretty much nothing, except planes or losing someone he cares about again. he doesn't flinch in the face of monsters or seemingly overwhelming odds.
loyal-
he will stick with someone he loves until the end, never turning his back on them and doing everything he can to help them.
cocky-
he is seemingly always confident and sure of himself, to the point of being irritatingly so.
sarcastic-
dean loves to make jokes and wisecracks, many of which rely on sarcasm.
self-loathing-
in his eyes, dean is worth much less than everyone around him. he's a means to an end, a foot soldier, a mere grunt. when he makes a mistake that hurts someone else, all he can think about is how much he hates himself for that.
guarded-
dean hesitates to let down his walls to anyone and show them what's in his heart. he has built an armor to keep people out, but occasionally some worm their way through the cracks and see through the loud, carefree exterior to the hurt within.
strong-
dean can plow through almost any challenge without breaking down. he's died many times, gone to hell, purgatory, seen many of his loved ones die, and hunts monsters for a living, but he stands tall throughout it all and quickly picks himself up off the ground when he falls.
rough-
dean likes rough language, rough music, and rough action. it's part of his attitude, his armor.
loud-
dean can often be found joking loudly or singing, unable to keep his mouth shut for very long unless something's seriously wrong.
funny-
again, he loves jokes. while dean isn't the best at snappy comebacks, he excels at offhand, humorous comments, even in serious situations.
selfless-
dean will not hesitate to sacrifice his health, happiness, or even his life to save innocent people or those he cares about. this is in part because he doesn't believe he's worth much, but also because he is just not a selfish person when it comes down to it.
protective-
he had grown up protecting his little brother, and always will try to protect sammy. dean always tries to take care of any people that need it, and protect them from danger.
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dean and sam
ever since dean was little, his job has been to protect sammy. his purpose in life to take care of his little brother. sam's grown up now, a moose, taller even than dean, but dean will never, ever stop protecting him. he will sacrifice everything for sam. he'll die for sam- has died for sam. he went to hell for sam. and he'd do it again if he had to. no matter what, sammy will always be more important to dean than dean is to himself. compared to sam, dean thinks he's nothing. sam's the smart one, the good one, the valuable one.
when sam left for college, all dean could do was watch him go and try to be happy for him, because even though sam was leaving him, it was something that would make sam's life better, something sam wanted, not that their father forced on them. he felt like [censored] years later asking sam to help find john. the last thing he wanted was to drag sam into the hunter life again, one he'd always known sam hated. he felt even worse when jess died and he saw part of sam go with her. it always felt like his fault. everything was. everyone left him, and it was his fault.
later things were good. they were hunting together, brothers, a good, simple life, filled with more light and laughter than darkness and blood. sam seemed reasonably happy, and all dean needed to be happy was to see that smile on his little brother's face.
sam and john argued, as usual. instead of obeying his father as he had always done, as had been drilled into him since that fire, dean found himself trying to stop the fight, but also standing with sammy. in front of him. protecting him. on his side. he was almost glad when their dad left again.
later his father told him something in that hospital right before he died to save dean's life. dean didn't care what he said, he would never kill sammy. never hurt him. he'd rather kill himself.
when sam disappeared from that stupid little store, dean immediately felt panic. sammy was gone. he was gone. but he hid it, buried it, stuffed it in that crowded box with everything else that he tried not to feel. and he found him.
but when he found sammy, it was with a hole in his back and too much blood, blood on his clothes and dean's hands and silence from sammy and his limp body and all he could do was hold his brother and cry and scream.
he knew what would happen to him if he put that box together and buried it in the crossroads. he didn't care that it was only one year instead of ten. he kissed that red-eyed demon with no regrets at all. because he'd do anything for sammy.
when sam was back, dean was so happy, so relieved. the half of him that died with sam came back to life, the light brightened in his eyes, he smiled and joked and ate and flirted and was fully himself again. sam found out, of course. he had always been smart. dean knew he was angry. he didn't care. if sam thought dean's life wasn't worth his, he was wrong. sam's was worth more, and so dean pretended he wasn't afraid. he laughed and joked and tried not to hurt sammy any more than he would when his year was up.
and then suddenly they were facing down lilith and the clock struck midnight and dean looked at sammy, just looked at him, tried to memorize his little brother's features, because he was the only thing dean had to stay strong for. then the hellhounds were there and there was red and blood and pain and darkness and then more pain. forty years of pain.
he was so glad to see sam again. he thought he never would.
dean was so angry at sam when he saw him using his powers. protecting ruby. she couldn't be trusted, his powers couldn't be trusted. both would hurt sammy. dean desperately tried to get sam to listen to him so he wouldn't get hurt, but sam didn't.
and when sam killed lilith and lucifer rose and they killed ruby, dean said nothing. he clutched sam tighter to him because his brother was getting better, he really was although now they had the apocalypse on their plates.
lucifer wanted sam to be his vessel. dean would do anything to stop that, even say yes to michael. but he didn't, because sammy didn't want him to. they found a way to stop lucifer, but sam was gone and this time there was nothing dean could do about it and he pretended like part of him wasn't dead for a whole year when sammy showed up in that shed and he couldn't believe it, sammy was back, he was back and everything would be ok.
except it wouldn't be, because it wasn't sam. not really. and then dean did everything he could to get his little brother back, and he did eventually and he was so, so glad.
but the wall broke and sammy wasn't ok. he said he was, but dean knew his brother and sam needed help. dean couldn't help him, and it was killing him. everytime he saw sam jump or look at someone who wasn't there or even say something, he felt a sharp pain. when bobby died, dean was left with sammy, his only family, the only thing he had to hold on to. and they fixed sam but just as soon dean was gone, away in purgatory, and he had to get back to sam, fight his way back to sammy, only to find that sam had left him, abandoned him, forgot about him.
it hurt so much more than he ever told sam.
then sam left her and came back to dean, and dean gave up benny for sam. they were hunting together again, but nothing ever worked out well for the winchesters.
so many things happened.
sam and dean stood together as they watched the angels fall.
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dean and cas
when dean first met cas in that barn, he thought he was a monster. he didn't believe in angels. not since their mother died screaming on the ceiling, mary who always told him angels were watching over him. yeah, right.
soon he met uriel, who was a complete dick, even more annoying than castiel, who liked to pop up everywhere and say cryptic things. dean couldn't tell if they were helping or not- they wanted to stop the seals from breaking, but had no regard for human life- well, castiel had a little.
later there were more angels, zacariah and anna and other nameless ones. dean started calling castiel cas, and it felt right somehow. he didn't know why he didn't hate him anymore, despite his robotic manner and unfamilarity with the species, he seemed more human than the other angels.
and then in that white room when zacariah told him about how sam was going to break the last seal, cas helped him. he turned his back on his job and his superiors and helped dean instead.
cas was starting to feel like an ally, even more than that, a friend. crazy, dean knew, but true.
and slowly, over many battles and struggles and blood and tears, cas became the best friend dean had ever had. dean had never been as close to someone like this that wasn't family, not even lisa or cassie.
he didn't know what was going on.
cas died, several times, and each time hurt more than anyone else who wasn't family. because he meant that much more.
after sam and michael tumbled into the pit and cas came back from the dead after sacrificing himself for dean, dean didn't see him for a long time. more than a year. it wasn't until after sam came back and dean called that cas came, and dean was so glad to see him, but he couldn't show that because he didn't love him, he was his friend, or brother, right?
if anyone else had told dean that sam's soul was missing, he wouldn't have believed them.
after they got sam's soul back, suddenly cas wasn't around again for a long time.
then he was helping with the mother of all, but something was wrong, and dean didn't know what.
he found out.
it hurt so, so much when cas betrayed them.
it hurt even more when those words were uttered. i am your new god.
surely his cas was in there somewhere. his friend. funny, awkward, powerful, loyal, brave cas.
and he was, but it was too late. he told them he was sorry, and dean's heart almost broke there.
it did when he waded into the lake.
dean didn't even think about keeping his coat. it was natural, automatic. after all, don't people keep things of their loved ones? husbands and wives keep rings. wait- why did his mind go to couples? he wasn't in love with cas- h- he was straight. that's what he kept telling himself, telling the world.
then he saw cas at that healer's house, but it wasn't cas, it was the healer. cas didn't remember him. it was like jagged glass inside him, not to see the same familiar spark in those blue eyes. he wasn't going to tell him, it would just hurt cas and he didn't want to do that. but then he had to and he was so happy to have cas back despite the pain in his eyes. and then suddenly cas was gone again, madness and fear in his face and dean had to leave him.
when cas woke up, he wasn't quite cas anymore. he was some cuddly, loveable, hippie cas. he wasn't fully himself, and dean hated it. he wasn't his cas.
they managed to kill dick.
then cas disappeared in purgatory. it hurt.
dean found him and found out that cas was just protecting him. like always. cas had always done everything for dean.
cas let go in purgatory, and then he was gone, seemingly dead, and dean couldn't think about it because then he'd break because he'd never loved anyone like this before and even when he didn't think about it he was wobbly and unbalanced because he needed his angel.
when he kept seeing cas, he almost didn't say anything to sam because he remembered how sam kept seeing jess after she was gone.
but cas was back. he was really back.
suddenly everything was right with the world.
except something was wrong with cas. he wasn't acting like himself.
someone was controlling him. ordering him to do things.
they ordered him to kill dean.
and he couldn't. he couldn't do it. dean almost told cas he loved him right then but he didn't and it didn't matter because cas did the impossible and he disobeyed. all for dean.
and when the angels fell, all dean knew was that he had to be there for cas.
because cas was his angel, he was powerful and brave and loyal and intimidating but also gentle and kind and selfless and funny and awkward and he was the moon to dean's sun and the stars to his earth and the wind to his mountains and the lightning to his thunder and the other half of him.
because without dean wasn't complete without cas.
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history
"i was a happy little kid. white picket fence family, y'know?
then our mom died on the ceiling and our house burned down.
that was the day i stopped being a kid.
i grew up learning how to hunt and protecting and taking care of sam.
heck, i'm more of a father to him than ours ever was.
after sam left and after i got him back
and after we found our dad and then after he died,
we found out about demons.
everything in our lives, like it wasn't crap already,
completely went down the drain.
we keep dying.
and coming back.
the problem is the more we come back
the more things happen
that make us wish
we stayed dead."
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art
by comicTragedy
by Masaryu
by me
by me
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songs that represent him
Carry On Wayward Son by Kansas
45 by Shinedown
Roads Untraveled by Linkin Park
Hurt by Johnny Cash
I Stand Alone by Godsmack
Remember Everything and Bad Company by Five Finger Death Punch
For My Brother by Blue October
Carry On Wayward Son by Kansas
45 by Shinedown
Roads Untraveled by Linkin Park
Hurt by Johnny Cash
I Stand Alone by Godsmack
Remember Everything and Bad Company by Five Finger Death Punch
For My Brother by Blue October
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i'm not a hero. i'm not strong enough.
