Write a Letter you Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[starry palms]

Dear Dad,

I'm gay.

From, your daughter.

--

Dear Crush I've had for 3 years,

I haven't seen you in 8 months, but I still have dreams about you. I know you have a boyfriend if that's great, because you deserve to be happy. I just wish I told you how I felt. If I knew that was the last time I was going to see you, I would have confessed. Do you still remember me? Do you wish we stayed in the same place like I do? Lately, when I turn corners, I hope to God that you're waiting on the other side. I dream about us and I wake up crying, and although I've tried, I can't find you. I don't care if you don't feel the same way, but just telling you that I'm pretty much in love with you, would make me feel so much better.

From, a girl that's in love with you.

[Nawratus]

Dear staff,

Yesterday was so awkward at the party. You're my step-dad's staff, and I should know all of you, but sadly, everyone that I grew to know has vanished. Now there are new faces, and new voices. At the party, everybody knew each other, but no one cared to talk to me. At least, no one from the new staff. There were only few people I knew at the party. All I did at the party was think, think about what I'm saying right now, and thinking that I'm just going to be a memory to the old staff after I move. I will only be a fading memory, and the rest of the people will move on. *Sigh* I don't know what this letter is honestly about, but..... I couldn't get this out of my head.

Dear Crisby (His nickname),

You like(ed) me. But, I don't like it. I've never had this happen to me before, and it's really disturbing. You help me with everything, and you get googly eyed whenever I'm around. You're the first one to actually notice me. I'm flattered, but at the same time I'm a little worried you'll actually see me, the real me. I show you the real me everyday, but I still try to hide it. We're "best Friends", see I can't even think, or say that without having this horrible panic feeling inside. I'm afraid, okay? I'm afraid of people liking me for me. I don't know why, but this unhappy, scary feeling won't go away. I'm independent, I do things the way I want, I do things for myself, I take care of myself. Having someone else want to take care of me is just... weird. I really hate it. But, this letter is mainly to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been pushing you away. I wish I could tell you why. Ever since I've been pushing you away, you haven't been talking to me, or helping me, or saying hi to me anymore. I don't want to feel anything, I can't. I just can't let myself. I want to be alone, that's just how I've always been. I've always been alone, even if I had friends. I felt alone, I am alone. But, you coming into my life, and talking to me, liking me, noticing me.... I don't know, it's made me cranky lately. I feel so stupid, and horrible for pushing you away. I don't want to, but I'm only following my head, not my heart. I keep denying the weird feelings, I keep denying your help, your smiles, your.... I just can't. I can't be with anyone, I can't feel those feelings. I don't want to feel those feelings. I'm sorry, I really am. I know that you'll forgive me, because you always do. That's why I'm glad you're my friend, because no one would ever forgive me so easily. I thank you for your support, your kindness, and your listening skills. I'm sorry.....

[monochrome.]

Hey, D, it's me again...
I know I need you a little too much and I can be kind of clingy, but you're the only person I have to lean on at the moment. I really hope you understand how much you mean to me, and how grateful I am to have your shoulder to cry on. You're so amazing, and the only person in the world who doesn't see that is yourself.

But, yes, I was kind of hurt when you left early today. Although I did understand why. And I feel absolutely terrible for not listening to you more often - I didn't even know your mom married Teddy. How could I not have noticed that??!!! I am a terrible friend, and I hate myself for that.

But, that's not the point of this. I just wanted to tell you one little thing. I haven't been super happy lately, and I've been in a dark place for a while. You've sort of become my "painkiller", when I'm around you I can smile, I can breathe, I can open my eyes without crying. I just wanted to tell you this:

Thank you so, so much for loving me when I can't even look myself in the mirror.

Love you, Cermet <3
Paesh

[kiddo.]

Dear B,

Just tell me already. You don't have to stare at me everyday and every time I talk to my friends, you turn around as if I were talking to you. If you would tell me, you wouldn't have to look away and do that "totally hiding a smile" face. You're funny, you're an ok person, but gosh don't lie. I may even be wrong. It may just be the way you are and everything I've ever though or said about you was completely pointless. Either way, you sure are a tricky little thing.
Best,

Rain The Drop

Dear E,

You're my best friend. And it kills me to think in 2 years we will be graduating, and we will probably never talk. I can tell everything to you and I can't imagine a life without you. I'm going to a different school and I can't change that. A life without is a life spent sad, with no one to talk to, alone. I was alone before I met you, every other friend I'd had was manipulative, mean. To know I won't be able to say "EH EH EH" to my best friend all the time and draw socks in class with you really hurts. It hurts to know I can't make up stuff like the #chocolatemilkface and #thatplont and #littleplont. We can't lament over the same songs and sing like dying cats. I'll have no one to say "ahue" to and that stinks. Anyway, with all the inside jokes we've made, it's not worth the pain to not be friends. Don't ever forget me, as I will too. Wherever we go, whenever, whatever we do. Please don't forget.

Love,
Plont/Rain/Drift

Dear Lightning,

I'm sorry our friendship was so short-lived. I could have been there for you, but I wasn't. I was a bad friend, and every time I think about it, it guilts me to no end. I really do hope that wherever you are, you are happy and not sad anymore. I'm not going to make any "school" excuses, I could have been still talking to my friend, regardless. I miss you and hope we will meet again.

I Miss You,
Drifteh

[monochrome.]

Dear D,
This is the second letter to you today. There are so many things I want, no, need to tell you, but just can't work up the courage to do so.

You're so amazing, but you're in so much pain all the time, be it physical or emotional. I feel so helpless and useless. I would do anything to make your life better, but I can't. I've tried so so hard to save you, to fix you, but every single time it fails.

I worry so much about you. You're always light and happy when we're together, but once your mother comes home, something changes. There's no longer an atmosphere of fun and happiness, suddenly the air is heavy with disgust and sadness and guilt. Whenever she's around, you change. She is not good for your health. Like my favorite quote says, she tells you you aren't good enough, she doesn't deserve to be a part of your life. But there's nothing you, or I, can do about that, and it hurts to be unable to save you from her. She's so nasty to you all the time, and the things she says to you hurt me. I can't imagine how they must feel to you. I worry so much about how many "mental breakdowns", like the one you had a couple of weeks ago, happen at home. I saw it coming, and I had no idea how to stop it. All I knew was that I wanted so badly to attack whoever made you feel that way, but we both know I can't. I'm powerless to save you, from her or from yourself, and that kills me. I can be a crutch for you to lean on, though. God knows you're one for me so frequently.

I hate the world on your behalf. I feel like you're the only decent human being left on this planet (I'm not counting myself - I definitely have some flaws, so, no, I'm not "decent") but you go through so much pain and misery on a daily basis. While E, the spoiled brat she is, is a terrible person who bullies any and everyone. Yet E has a freaking mansion, a pair of Beats, five pairs of Uggs and her own horse. Yes, I do see a correlation here. Decent people aren't made from being spoiled. But it seems so unfair to the decent people in the world who are forced to live in tiny houses with their inconsiderate, psychopathic mother while the rich little spoiled brats we know go riding on their ten thousand dollar geldings, who they treat like dirt because the poor horses get mixed signals from the riders, who don't know how to ride. When the kids get tired of yelling at their horses, they go on a nice little sail on daddy's yacht. (And yes, I know, not all "rich kids" are like this, but the two I'm thinking of definitely are.) Meanwhile, you're at the barn instructing lessons and pulling mold out of water troughs because your mother can't hold a job long enough to feed herself, and the instructors at the barn are willing to pay you.

I will do anything in my power to help you. Anything. Please, just let me.

[DragonLoverHere]

Dear RL friends,

I don't know what you want me to do, how you want me to respond, anything. I just don't know what it is, but how do you want me to react to all of this? I'm sick of having my heart stabbed out, where you promised you wouldn't. I'm exhausted of these stupid hide and seek games, where when you finally show yourself, you do it so I can't cry foul for looking like the bad guy, or stay silent for looking cynical.

Do you know how I feel this Christmas? Do you know why I skipped the monthly meeting, why I'm completely and utterly broken down?

I'll be honest, the truth isn't very pretty. Try to imagine a black void in your chest, just slowly consuming everything you hold dear and warping everything into something to fear, something that will do you harm or has done so. But no matter where you turn, what you do, that hole just spreads and suffocates you further. And try to overlap that with this constant noise in your head, this sort of contorted voice that brings you down, points out your flaws and whispers the worse possible outcomes in your ears, and no matter what you do it won't leave you alone, it only laughs. Not only that, but every little nick, scar, and cut on your heart reopening at the same time from recent events and making you bleed so much you can't stop it.

And there's so much more to it, so many more monsters in the dark and hands grabbing and ripping apart my existence. Nothing can stop it. No amount of kindness, gentle words, or staring in shock is going to stop this raging inferno of darkness inside of me. I feel so sick sometimes, and for some reason, it only brings me pain to look into your eyes, so bright and cheerful... And feel like I'm killing you. I am killing you, slowly but surely, with my spiraling. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Whenever I'm around you, I feel like a piece from an entirely different puzzle in another world.

I'm so tired. So scared. So sorry... I wish I could explain this feeling and make you see, but how can I explain something even I can't understand?
A blaze, burning itself alive

Dear BFF of whole world,
If you are reading this... Know that I promise, everything is going to be okay. It's just going to take a little more time for me to organize.
All of my love,
Your struggling Dragon

[Pusheen the pushover]

Dear L,
I feel like you don't think of me in this way but I iust wanted you to know. Oh who am I kidding I can't send you this. I am in love with you. It's proven that if you have feeling for some one for over 4 months it's love... I have loved you for almost 2 years. I just thought you should know,
Love E

[angely-sugar]

Dear Dad,

I'm not sure where you've ended up, but it's near Christmas and we're all missing you. I wish you could be here to see me open my presents on Christmas morning. Can you believe how far I've gotten in my classes? I've gotten nothing but As so far this year. Will you be proud if I get an award for getting straight As all year? I'm hoping I'll get Drama class for the 2nd semester. If only you could be there to see me act! Grams misses you more than anything, and so does Aunt Rachele. I hope you, Gramps, and Uncle Jerry are doing alright, wherever you are.

And I hope you don't mind some of the choices I've made, being that they were sudden and somewhat scary because of the sudden-ness, but I guess they've just made me who I really am.

Don't worry about me, wherever you are, because I'll be A-OK no matter what hoops I have to jump through. Or at least that's what Grams says.

Your daughter
L.L.

[Unitatoe]

dear ••••,

Hey.. I know it's been a while.. Actually not too long.. Since you "unfriended me".. I uh.. I miss your friendship. I wish you could come over to my house and laugh like you used too and we could put on a a blanket and listen to Bo burnham.. But we can't. I understand that after that stunt you've pulled you would like to be friends. You want to change me but guess what you call me crazy? I'm not the one that came over and bit my sister in the SHINS a few times you came over ago. I'm not the crazy one. Still don't beleive me? First time you came over to my new house and slept over you pooped. In my yard. And had my mom clean it up blaming it on the dog. Who took the fall for that, huh? Me or you?.. And listen I'm not blaming you for being a bad friend, heck, i have been a bad friend here and there and you have been there sticking with me through and through. But still there is that pesky hurting in my stomach.. It's no longer an iron deficiency. It's hurt. Hurt like you've killed the butterflies that used to make me exited. Hurt, ••••, HURT. I don't want you back as a friend, no, actually, quite the opposite. I wish I'd never met you. I wish I weren't feeling this pain and I wish you would quit looking at me like I'm wounded! I see you on the bus glancing at me like you want something but everyone keeps telling me, reminding me, I've done nothing wrong but I don't feel that way thanks to you and I wish I did so I could stop feeling sorry for myself and get up.. But no thanks to you now I'll sit here and wallow in depression! So stop it, please, just stop. stop looking at me that way, and talking about me with your new friend. If you have something to say, buck up and say it to my face. No, scratch that, if you have something to say to me, gather all your friends and family and announce it out loud for all I care! So for the last time stop it.


Lots of love,
-your old friend, •••••••.

[Oliverstorm]

I'm really sorry for doing it, angel. And I'm sorry that I kept trying to resist your help, but it hurt to hide it earlier. I promise that after you feel asleep I tried really hard not to, and I didn't really. In fact you're asleep next to me right now as I type this. I love you, my precious dear, and I hope you could forgive me for being so stupid. I promise it wasn't your fault. What happened was, when we went to buy your Hatsune Miku figure we had to stop by his house to let his dogs out, since they were out on vacation. Well, dumbass me followed my sister and went into his room. She was looking for his fishtank. Standing in the room made everything come back and when I got home, I was just hurting so badly. I'm pathetic and I'm sorry.

A sick part of me wants to show you, but I know you don't want to see. I feel like you don't believe me, and I just feel so conflicted right now. I'm afraid, it's the first time it's been performed somewhere other than the usual area.

Sincerely Yours,
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