Crushes, Boyfriends and Girlfriends | V3

[Outlander]

I don't have a real problem, I've never been in any sort of relationship to have one. I do have a crush on the one boy I've ever had a crush on, but we never talk and he's out of my league and there's no chance whatsoever for me to even be his friend, so that wouldn't be considered a problem either.

My real problem is loneliness. I'm an unattractive, boring loser with no friends and nothing to do but live in front of the computer. And I've lived my whole life being exactly that. For the first time ever, I want to have a boyfriend, not because it's the in thing or because all my friends have been in a relationship. By because for the first time in my life I want to know what it's like to be seen by someone else -anyone else- the way I want to be seen. Not the way everyone's interpreted me as being in the past every year of my life. I don't want to be the girl who only two guys have ever called pretty in five years, the girl who only is called pretty by her whole two friends and her family. I want to be the girl that a guy actually wants to get to know and hang around, not the girl he'll say looks like a dog or opens her eyes too wide. I want to be wanted, for the first time in my life, wanted by someone who actually isn't family. I wonder if that's just too much to ask because I'm no where near having this dream become a reality. People just don't like me.

There will be someone out there that likes you for being you. You just have to find that person.

[thunderofthedrum]

I don't have a real problem, I've never been in any sort of relationship to have one. I do have a crush on the one boy I've ever had a crush on, but we never talk and he's out of my league and there's no chance whatsoever for me to even be his friend, so that wouldn't be considered a problem either.

My real problem is loneliness. I'm an unattractive, boring loser with no friends and nothing to do but live in front of the computer. And I've lived my whole life being exactly that. For the first time ever, I want to have a boyfriend, not because it's the in thing or because all my friends have been in a relationship. By because for the first time in my life I want to know what it's like to be seen by someone else -anyone else- the way I want to be seen. Not the way everyone's interpreted me as being in the past every year of my life. I don't want to be the girl who only two guys have ever called pretty in five years, the girl who only is called pretty by her whole two friends and her family. I want to be the girl that a guy actually wants to get to know and hang around, not the girl he'll say looks like a dog or opens her eyes too wide. I want to be wanted, for the first time in my life, wanted by someone who actually isn't family. I wonder if that's just too much to ask because I'm no where near having this dream become a reality. People just don't like me.

Well I hate to be blunt, but would you want to be with someone who pities himself all the time, constantly needs to be cheered up, is convinced he is ugly, etc? At first the vulnerability might be refreshing and endearing, knowing he won't just run off and cheat or lie to you, but after a while.. it gets tiring. Always having to cheer him up, always hearing about him and how he feels like a loser, and ugly, and disliked by people. Moods are contagious, attitudes are contagious. And that's not a healthy attitude.

So do something for YOURSELF. At the very least, concentrating on that will distract you. Even more, it may help you feel better about yourself, feel more whole as a person, be more healthy and happy, and get you out in the world to meet someone. Do you have some interests, some topics you find interesting or hobbies you enjoy? Read books, both fiction and nonfiction. Try out yoga (there are tons of videos on youtube), clean up your room, open the curtains/blinds and let the sunlight in. Make little daily goals for yourself like laughing at funny youtube videos, complimenting a friend, or getting all your homework done in a timely manner.

You sound unhappy with your appearance. What can you do about it? I'm not saying anything drastic, but there are things you can do to help you feel better about yourself. Try doing your hair a different way, add some lip gloss if you like that. Don't be afraid to ask one of your friends for their input. Go out on a limb, take a chance, buy a couple shirts that you don't normally have the courage to try. Start taking daily walks for a half hour, bring the dog if you have one. Take a friend and try out all the trails/paths at the local parks, try to start recognising kinds of trees or birds.

Part of the problem with self pity is that you get to a point where you don't want to TRY anything, and then you're really stuck in a vortex of unhappiness! You can't WANT to become more happy but be unwilling to DO anthing about it - I'm sorry, but no fairy godmother is going to suddenly appear and wave away all your worries. Taking little steps to expand your horizons will help you a LOT as a person - help you learn that you can accomplish things, that you can change, that you can feel good about yourself. And learning/experiencing new things will always give you interesting tidbits to talk about when you meet someone!

[Rated R]

I don't have a real problem, I've never been in any sort of relationship to have one. I do have a crush on the one boy I've ever had a crush on, but we never talk and he's out of my league and there's no chance whatsoever for me to even be his friend, so that wouldn't be considered a problem either.

My real problem is loneliness. I'm an unattractive, boring loser with no friends and nothing to do but live in front of the computer. And I've lived my whole life being exactly that. For the first time ever, I want to have a boyfriend, not because it's the in thing or because all my friends have been in a relationship. By because for the first time in my life I want to know what it's like to be seen by someone else -anyone else- the way I want to be seen. Not the way everyone's interpreted me as being in the past every year of my life. I don't want to be the girl who only two guys have ever called pretty in five years, the girl who only is called pretty by her whole two friends and her family. I want to be the girl that a guy actually wants to get to know and hang around, not the girl he'll say looks like a dog or opens her eyes too wide. I want to be wanted, for the first time in my life, wanted by someone who actually isn't family. I wonder if that's just too much to ask because I'm no where near having this dream become a reality. People just don't like me.

i have to agree with thunderofthedrum on this one.
i have always been that one person that tells everyone they are beautiful in unique ways and then secretly been loathing my own appearance. you end up coming to terms with it, the sooner you try to. i had cut my hair so drastically one day when i was like, i'm done with all of this. i started to try to wear some make-up, just a light layer because i'm not a huge make-up gal. i started to wear heels and dresses, when i've always been more of a skinny jeans/shorts and a graphic tee kind of girl. i bought a couple of nice blouses, some necklaces, and yesterday i even took out some of my savings and bought these awesome platform casual sandals that i would have never worn. and even if i still think it doesn't look good, i feel more confident in my appearance. feeling confident can make you think of yourself better - now i am decently content with my appearance. never have i ever been called beautiful by anyone /besidesparentsandfamily/ and yet i have found myself in a place where i am content with my appearance. you have to explore your options of clothing and make up and hair and shoes - maybe you're not seeing yourself in the best light as you could be. YOU have to try to up your attitude about your appearance.
everyone has the potential to look good - it's those who try and seek out what makes them look good that do.

and what's wrong with being the girl that isn't called pretty all the time? it doesn't mean that you're not pretty. //isthatgirlanddoesn'tcareallthatmuch//

[kavv]

ok. so o.o
Spending a week up at camp with my crush, and my crushes crush, my best friend.
This should be interesting/

[Lucid Dreamer]

ok. so o.o
Spending a week up at camp with my crush, and my crushes crush, my best friend.
This should be interesting/

one of my best mates asked me to prom o_0

[Vampyrum Spectrum]

Hey all.

My boyfriend and I are very close. We trust each other completely and are very open, able to tell each other anything. We seem to have no problems because of this awesome communication and closeness. However, there is one problem that I really need advice with what to do.

There is this girl in our little friend group that he also is close to. Let's call her M. He's not as close to her as he is to me, but M is making me feel very insecure and quite frankly just plain annoyed with some of the things she does and says around him. It's like she is trying to get as close as I am to him, or even more, and I feel like it's going to cross the line. I feel powerless too because she isn't technically doing anything, I'm just really annoyed and weirded out by it. You know the way you act, girls, when you're not flirting with a guy but you're trying to get that kind of close to him? That is how I feel she is acting towards my boyfriend. She constantly texts him, is always trying to walk as close as possible to him (both of which don't bother me /that/ much, as obviously my boyfriend can have other people he's close to, but she's doing it more than a normal friend would), always stealing his favorite hat or something he's holding, and always brings up past conversations, texts, funny things, etc.

Those things I can ignore because that would probably be me being a bit clingy or whatnot, but it was the way M was acting at the fair our circle of friends and my boyfriend and I went to together that really, really, really bothers me. She stole his phone about halfway through the time we were there just to read through their many past conversations(which I would only find a little annoying in a normal, say, school day, but at a /fair/? Doesn't that seem weird?)and comment on them in the middle of whatever us and the group were doing. She constantly stole his hat he was wearing even after he asked her at least twice not to. And, the part I find the most odd and annoying: she asked him, and only him, to come over (when she would be home alone she noted) just to meet her puppy. Why would that be so important to ask at the middle of a carnival, and in front of me and everyone really? She gave him directions to her house even after he gave two excuses that he would not be able to go. I find all of this unsettling and very annoying. M is not my boyfriend's girlfriend. I have no problems with him being close to another girl, but she's really starting to impose a bit.

So... What do I do? Should I talk to M, or am I being too paranoid and clingy? By the way, I have already told my boyfriend how I feel about this. To clarify too, I'm not at all afraid that he'll cheat on me or anything, I just feel... I don't know how to explain it except to say annoyed. I feel like she is slowly trying to get between us even though it's not going to work. Maybe not that, but more like, as I said before, the way girls try to get close to a guy before they start dating as if I'm not in the picture.

Additionally, I've told my mother and my best friend all of this about M too and they agree with me in thinking she is being a bit imposing and, again for lack of a better word, annoying. My boyfriend is not as bothered by it as I possibly made it sound by the way, which makes me feel more bad like I'm being clingy, even with what my mom and best friend said.

Please, please help. I really don't know if I should just be quiet for one reason or another, or if I really need to say something to M. If I do, I have no idea what to say that would not sound like an overly attached girlfriend or rude.

[kay.]

Hey all.

My boyfriend and I are very close. We trust each other completely and are very open, able to tell each other anything. We seem to have no problems because of this awesome communication and closeness. However, there is one problem that I really need advice with what to do.

There is this girl in our little friend group that he also is close to. Let's call her M. He's not as close to her as he is to me, but M is making me feel very insecure and quite frankly just plain annoyed with some of the things she does and says around him. It's like she is trying to get as close as I am to him, or even more, and I feel like it's going to cross the line. I feel powerless too because she isn't technically doing anything, I'm just really annoyed and weirded out by it. You know the way you act, girls, when you're not flirting with a guy but you're trying to get that kind of close to him? That is how I feel she is acting towards my boyfriend. She constantly texts him, is always trying to walk as close as possible to him (both of which don't bother me /that/ much, as obviously my boyfriend can have other people he's close to, but she's doing it more than a normal friend would), always stealing his favorite hat or something he's holding, and always brings up past conversations, texts, funny things, etc.

Those things I can ignore because that would probably be me being a bit clingy or whatnot, but it was the way M was acting at the fair our circle of friends and my boyfriend and I went to together that really, really, really bothers me. She stole his phone about halfway through the time we were there just to read through their many past conversations(which I would only find a little annoying in a normal, say, school day, but at a /fair/? Doesn't that seem weird?)and comment on them in the middle of whatever us and the group were doing. She constantly stole his hat he was wearing even after he asked her at least twice not to. And, the part I find the most odd and annoying: she asked him, and only him, to come over (when she would be home alone she noted) just to meet her puppy. Why would that be so important to ask at the middle of a carnival, and in front of me and everyone really? She gave him directions to her house even after he gave two excuses that he would not be able to go. I find all of this unsettling and very annoying. M is not my boyfriend's girlfriend. I have no problems with him being close to another girl, but she's really starting to impose a bit.

So... What do I do? Should I talk to M, or am I being too paranoid and clingy? By the way, I have already told my boyfriend how I feel about this. To clarify too, I'm not at all afraid that he'll cheat on me or anything, I just feel... I don't know how to explain it except to say annoyed. I feel like she is slowly trying to get between us even though it's not going to work. Maybe not that, but more like, as I said before, the way girls try to get close to a guy before they start dating as if I'm not in the picture.

Additionally, I've told my mother and my best friend all of this about M too and they agree with me in thinking she is being a bit imposing and, again for lack of a better word, annoying. My boyfriend is not as bothered by it as I possibly made it sound by the way, which makes me feel more bad like I'm being clingy, even with what my mom and best friend said.

Please, please help. I really don't know if I should just be quiet for one reason or another, or if I really need to say something to M. If I do, I have no idea what to say that would not sound like an overly attached girlfriend or rude.

Well I agree she's imposing and it seems she's trying to be friends with him before asking him out <-- Guilty (Me) is charged (I'm attempting at this technique yet can't even do that)... I'd tell your boyfriend once again how you feel, and talk to M about the deal. It's a good thing that you don't want to be the 'clingy girlfriend' type, so make a few rules with them both; remember to not stop them from interacting or being good friends, just no flirting.

[Vampyrum Spectrum]

Well that's just the thing, they aren't really flirting. At least not on my boyfriend's end. But what exactly do you mean by "setting rules"? That sounds a little controlling is all.

[mekaiser]

Well that's just the thing, they aren't really flirting. At least not on my boyfriend's end. But what exactly do you mean by "setting rules"? That sounds a little controlling is all.

Kiss him in public, do something to state your ground, flirt with him, start a tickle/ play fight, just make her notice that he is all yours, and he shouldnt be suspicious either, so its a win win

Edit: it should give her hints that she should back off, its an natural thing that tells her that he is yours. If she doesnt back off, you need to talk to her about it

[Vampyrum Spectrum]

Okay. I've tried to act like that one time we were out with the group and she did actually back off a bit. And we've yet to kiss in front of people so I can try that too.

What worries and annoys me the most is the times I'm not around when she and him are around each other. This weekend is a great example. The group is going to the beach, and I am unable to go with them. She will bound to be acting the same way she has been. What do I do about that?