Crushes, Boyfriends and Girlfriends | V3

[stinkende]

Omg guys. So I dont know any of you, but I'm for real about to to dump my problems on you. I'm going to apologize ahead of time, because this is seriously going to be so long and I'm probably going to cry while I'm typing this, but I really need to get this out. its just as much for me as it is for you. So read if you want, but I wont be offended if you dont. Feedback or comments would be appreciated, and don't worry. I can take anything you have to say, so please tell me what you really think. Don't just be like "I'm so sorry, youre completely the victim, blah blah blah." I really need honesty right now <3

You're not going to like this

He is a player. Sounds like he wanted some action, and you were willing to do a LOT on the side without any commitment. He was disrespectful from the moment he jumped in your bed (and wth? what low-class guy actually DOES that?) and you set the tone for the rest of your interactions by accepting it. Based on the fact that you continued to encourage physical contact, it was not an unrealistic expectation in his head that a little more time could encourage a little more action.

Heavy flirting and messing around (physically - not necessarily sexually, but it is an easy step away) with someone who is in a relationship is not cool. Doesn't matter how on the limbs it is. It's disrespectful, burns bridges, and makes you look bad to anyone looking in. How would you feel if someone you'd been with for two years was lying on top of some chick? That amount of contact should be reserved for someone special - you'll find it becomes a hell of a lot more significant when you hold out on touching skin. Have some respect for yourself. Men who respect you and are interested in a healthy relationship will not bully you into kissing and send petulant texts when you feel uncomfortable.

[stinkende]

I'm quite curious about this issue that popped up when one of my friends started dating.

I think that when people are dating in high school, it should still be similar to dating as adults- the guy should text or call the girl first. However, everyone was, for some reason, really upset about me saying that, telling me that I was completely wrong and insane for thinking so.

.__. The reaction to my statement was uncalled for, in my opinion, but anyhow, I was wondering what all of you think about it...?

[ Oh, and please excuse any terrible grammar mistakes. I'm really tired and should be going to bed. ]

It's a male's instinct to chase.. let remain so, IMO! When I dated around, I'd always let the man call me and initiate some texts.. other times I'd take control. Delicate balance of wanting to see them terribly but not wanting to appear as if you're hanging on their call. Not sure why that warranted such a dramatic response from your friends, it really isn't a big deal.

[Kiliann]

Guys, I have a problem similar to Mississippi's...

This guy likes me, he's told me, and is not trying to hide it. Now, the guy in question (I'll call him J) has some slight mental retardation/disability, so social ques and other things that are obvious to us aren't so obvious to him. (Ex. J asked me if he could "sometimes put his arm around me")
I think part of the reason he likes me is because I'm one of the only girls who is nice to him. Everyone in my grade seems to think that he doesn't have feelings just because of his slight difference mentally, which is really not the case. (It's the same with another kid in my class with Asberger's {and he also likes me}- they just aren't very kind sometimes.) So anyways- this boy likes me, comments on all my old photos on facebook, constantly messages me, and pretty much stalks me with no effort to hide it. He comments on nearly every status I post as well as many, many photos. He's very open with how he feels about me (calls me pretty on the outside and in the heart ) and is really sweet- but sadly he gets a little creepy sometimes and I am not interested in him right now.
He's the kind of guy who you need to be very blunt with in order to get your point across. I've tried letting him know that "I feel uncomfortable when you ___" and "I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now" but sadly he's pretty much taken that as 'oh, she's not ready now but maybe later' and has said "okay, I can wait"
I really just want to say "no I don't really want to be in a relationship with you (or anyone), try coming back in a few years" but then obviously that's really rude. How in the world do I let him know that I am really not interested and that I feel uncomfortable when he keeps messaging and pretty much stalking me?

[Venatici]

Ack. I'm in a situation.

One of my best friends asked me out on Tuesday, the last day of school. We were both pretty happy about being together and whatnot, and he came over my house [[Which was planned before he asked me out]] and we had a really good time. He suggested to come over yesterday, so he came over and we hung out again.

Now, the problem is, I'm mental. I'm a Sociopath; I don't "Feel" happy, and I don't "Feel" sadness or guilt. I have anxiety, and I have a major trust disorder. He likes me for who I am and doesn't care. He is going away for five weeks, so I thought it'd be nice for just the two of us to sit down and wait for his dad to pick him up.

I was really tired, so I leaned against his shoulder and closed my eyes. We were silent, before he said "Look at me" and tried to kiss me.

So, with my mind-set brain, I leaned into him and knocked him over so he couldn't. I didn't feel bad about it or anything, but "Look at me" is what my dad said before he almost broke my back. Every time I look at any pair of eyes, my own eyes would hurt thinking about it. This morning, I woke up writhing in pain from thinking of it again.
All I did when he left was give him a hug, and didn't say anything about it; though I could tell he was hurt about me not kissing him.
Now he won't return my texts, skypes, or anything...

What should I do?

[thunderofthedrum]

I'm quite curious about this issue that popped up when one of my friends started dating.

I think that when people are dating in high school, it should still be similar to dating as adults- the guy should text or call the girl first. However, everyone was, for some reason, really upset about me saying that, telling me that I was completely wrong and insane for thinking so.

.__. The reaction to my statement was uncalled for, in my opinion, but anyhow, I was wondering what all of you think about it...?

[ Oh, and please excuse any terrible grammar mistakes. I'm really tired and should be going to bed. ]

I agree that, perhaps in general, men like to chase. But not all men are bold enough to go out on a limb and make the first move, especially if they are inexperienced. You are talking about young guys - they are still learning and gather life experience so it's hard to expect the same from them as you would from someone who's 30.

I definitely enjoy having the guy make the first move (I'M the one too shy to do it) but I think it's unfair to always expect that. My boyfriend enjoys pouncing me but he also likes to know he is desired, missed, thought of, etc. To make sure I'm not bugging him, I just think - do I actually have something to say? If yes, then I text him. If I don't but just want to chat or hear from him, well I back off a little until I have something to say or he texts me first. He has a life too, after all! It's also communicating and knowing what they feel is clingy or distant - I can spam up my boyfriend's phone with neat wildlife pictures and he doesn't mind at all, but if I do the same with pictures of my toddler nephews he'll definitely wish for something better. He doesn't mind me texting a lot if I have something to say/ask/whatever, but if I'm just being like "baby ily" and "what's up" or "I'm bored," I know he'd become a bit frustrated at my inability to just live a day without him.

[Country.]

Ack. I'm in a situation.

One of my best friends asked me out on Tuesday, the last day of school. We were both pretty happy about being together and whatnot, and he came over my house [[Which was planned before he asked me out]] and we had a really good time. He suggested to come over yesterday, so he came over and we hung out again.

Now, the problem is, I'm mental. I'm a Sociopath; I don't "Feel" happy, and I don't "Feel" sadness or guilt. I have anxiety, and I have a major trust disorder. He likes me for who I am and doesn't care. He is going away for five weeks, so I thought it'd be nice for just the two of us to sit down and wait for his dad to pick him up.

I was really tired, so I leaned against his shoulder and closed my eyes. We were silent, before he said "Look at me" and tried to kiss me.

So, with my mind-set brain, I leaned into him and knocked him over so he couldn't. I didn't feel bad about it or anything, but "Look at me" is what my dad said before he almost broke my back. Every time I look at any pair of eyes, my own eyes would hurt thinking about it. This morning, I woke up writhing in pain from thinking of it again.
All I did when he left was give him a hug, and didn't say anything about it; though I could tell he was hurt about me not kissing him.
Now he won't return my texts, skypes, or anything...

What should I do?

Maybe leave him a voicemail, explain in some way,if he really likes you, he'd understand that it takes time, If you have to, just say you weren't ready, or if you like to say all of the truth then tell him, but you should call him & ask him if you can meet in person or skype.

Guys, I have a problem similar to Mississippi's...

This guy likes me, he's told me, and is not trying to hide it. Now, the guy in question (I'll call him J) has some slight mental retardation/disability, so social ques and other things that are obvious to us aren't so obvious to him. (Ex. J asked me if he could "sometimes put his arm around me")
I think part of the reason he likes me is because I'm one of the only girls who is nice to him. Everyone in my grade seems to think that he doesn't have feelings just because of his slight difference mentally, which is really not the case. (It's the same with another kid in my class with Asberger's {and he also likes me}- they just aren't very kind sometimes.) So anyways- this boy likes me, comments on all my old photos on facebook, constantly messages me, and pretty much stalks me with no effort to hide it. He comments on nearly every status I post as well as many, many photos. He's very open with how he feels about me (calls me pretty on the outside and in the heart ) and is really sweet- but sadly he gets a little creepy sometimes and I am not interested in him right now.
He's the kind of guy who you need to be very blunt with in order to get your point across. I've tried letting him know that "I feel uncomfortable when you ___" and "I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now" but sadly he's pretty much taken that as 'oh, she's not ready now but maybe later' and has said "okay, I can wait"
I really just want to say "no I don't really want to be in a relationship with you (or anyone), try coming back in a few years" but then obviously that's really rude. How in the world do I let him know that I am really not interested and that I feel uncomfortable when he keeps messaging and pretty much stalking me?

Maybe just say that? You don't want to date anyone. Or you're too busy with (school, sports, grades, extra cirricular, etc.) other things that you wouldn't be able to give him the time he deserves. Or that you're flattered, but you don't want to date: can't date due to parents, religion, or maybe just that you're not interested? I hope I gave you some help or maybe even some ideas!

[Malédiction]

I'm not really sure what to do anymore...

So, my boyfriend and I... Don't talk. Like at all. We text and all, but we never talk. I'm always trying to talk to him, but when I actually get near him, he walks away. I was talking to him about it yesterday, and he decided to put the blame on me. He says whenever he get near, I always shrimp away, and it's not like I make any effort to talk to him... I've been the only one really making any effort, and all my friends are like: You should break up with him. We've talked about not talking before, and he keeps saying he'll try, but he never does. I almost spazzed at him last night when he said I don't make any effort, but I just ended up spazzing at my friend. I'm really tired of having to put up with all of this, but I also don't want to break up with him, because I still like him. The only person making me feel better right now are both my best friends, who happen to be dating each other. The problem is, my best friend is probably the best boyfriend anyone could have, while mine just treats me like a rag... I've been giving Jackals too many chances lately, but that's the problem with me. I give people other chances that they don't even deserve...

What should I do?

[thunderofthedrum]

I'm not really sure what to do anymore...

So, my boyfriend and I... Don't talk. Like at all. We text and all, but we never talk. I'm always trying to talk to him, but when I actually get near him, he walks away. I was talking to him about it yesterday, and he decided to put the blame on me. He says whenever he get near, I always shrimp away, and it's not like I make any effort to talk to him... I've been the only one really making any effort, and all my friends are like: You should break up with him. We've talked about not talking before, and he keeps saying he'll try, but he never does. I almost spazzed at him last night when he said I don't make any effort, but I just ended up spazzing at my friend. I'm really tired of having to put up with all of this, but I also don't want to break up with him, because I still like him. The only person making me feel better right now are both my best friends, who happen to be dating each other. The problem is, my best friend is probably the best boyfriend anyone could have, while mine just treats me like a rag... I've been giving Jackals too many chances lately, but that's the problem with me. I give people other chances that they don't even deserve...

What should I do?

So you feel he doesn't treat you right. You claim you have tried talking to him about it. You tell us that, despite this, nothing has changed.

If there are changes YOU can make to encourage a change, try that. Sometimes it sucks having all the pressure put on you and maybe that's partially how he feels. But still - you are unhappy and at the moment you don't seem to think things will change. So if it's not going to get better, why are you sticking around? You say you still like him, yet you say he treats you like a rag and you give him too many changes. Are you sure you like HIM, or is it being in a relationship that you like? Communication is vital. Maybe for a little grade school romance texting is sufficient but really for things to work out and be fulfilling long term, it's not enough.

I text with my boyfriend a lot (we RARELY talk on the phone) but: we definitely talk in person. There is trust, respect, and we share things with each other. If you feel you can't approach or talk to your own boyfriend, that's a big problem.

[Malédiction]

So you feel he doesn't treat you right. You claim you have tried talking to him about it. You tell us that, despite this, nothing has changed.

If there are changes YOU can make to encourage a change, try that. Sometimes it sucks having all the pressure put on you and maybe that's partially how he feels. But still - you are unhappy and at the moment you don't seem to think things will change. So if it's not going to get better, why are you sticking around? You say you still like him, yet you say he treats you like a rag and you give him too many changes. Are you sure you like HIM, or is it being in a relationship that you like? Communication is vital. Maybe for a little grade school romance texting is sufficient but really for things to work out and be fulfilling long term, it's not enough.

I text with my boyfriend a lot (we RARELY talk on the phone) but: we definitely talk in person. There is trust, respect, and we share things with each other. If you feel you can't approach or talk to your own boyfriend, that's a big problem.

I guess I could try and find something I could change. I know he's all stressed with exams lately, but that only started like last week... And I know I still like him, it's not just the feeling of being in a relationship I like, because whenever I look at him I still feel all the butterflies and I can't help but always hope it's him when I get a text. As for why I'm sticking around, it's because I still like him, and I do want things to get better, I'm just not sure how to make them better. I'm tempted to just wait until school finishes though, so he has less to worry about and to see if he'll talk to me more often or something...

[thunderofthedrum]

So you feel he doesn't treat you right. You claim you have tried talking to him about it. You tell us that, despite this, nothing has changed.

If there are changes YOU can make to encourage a change, try that. Sometimes it sucks having all the pressure put on you and maybe that's partially how he feels. But still - you are unhappy and at the moment you don't seem to think things will change. So if it's not going to get better, why are you sticking around? You say you still like him, yet you say he treats you like a rag and you give him too many changes. Are you sure you like HIM, or is it being in a relationship that you like? Communication is vital. Maybe for a little grade school romance texting is sufficient but really for things to work out and be fulfilling long term, it's not enough.

I text with my boyfriend a lot (we RARELY talk on the phone) but: we definitely talk in person. There is trust, respect, and we share things with each other. If you feel you can't approach or talk to your own boyfriend, that's a big problem.

I guess I could try and find something I could change. I know he's all stressed with exams lately, but that only started like last week... And I know I still like him, it's not just the feeling of being in a relationship I like, because whenever I look at him I still feel all the butterflies and I can't help but always hope it's him when I get a text. As for why I'm sticking around, it's because I still like him, and I do want things to get better, I'm just not sure how to make them better. I'm tempted to just wait until school finishes though, so he has less to worry about and to see if he'll talk to me more often or something...

Being excited about looking at him or receiving a text could be with anyone though - sounds like it's the attention you really enjoy. I'm not saying you don't like HIM, just that the examples you gave do not support it. I used to always hope texts were from a particular guy even though I later realised I didn't like him at all, we weren't right for each other or even necessarily ready, and that it was the experience I wanted - I wanted to have a boyfriend, a relationship. Wanting that so much, even though I felt completely normal and sensible about it, did blind me to being able to see past that to the PERSON I was with. Well, that and general inexperience/naivety.

My boyfriend drives me crazy sometimes, but I know him inside and out. I know when to back off, I know when he's pissed, I know what he would like, I know his opinions on things, etc. And I can talk to him.

Wait if you want, as I know second chances are important, but if nothing changes you will need to sit down and ask yourself - is contnuing the relationship worth the strain, time, disappointment, and effort.