TheComfortCorner | V.9

[viles]

• i was feeling Bad so i opened space email and idk why i did bc i got this and i just i am jsdhkjshf i was feeling like Bad but somewhat put together but now i am messy again and i just,,, aa here is the email that has done this to me
  (tw for like,, motivation (/neg) like,, yk those tiktoks that are like 'get off your ass!!! start doing things!!' like sort of like that but less concrete?? idk this isn't a good warning im sorry but like sdkjfhskdjfhh you should know that it messed me up so if you're not in the right headspace please don't read it!!!)
  
  

  is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life?
  rotting away mindlessly from cheap ephemeral entertainment, intoxicated from dopamine overdose, seizing every chance you get to escape reality…
  you’re not feeling right because you know you’re not living right
  be disillusioned by the seduction of your indulgent lifestyle
  open your eyes to the life it has caused you to lead
  why do you resist to sit with yourself?
  because you know deep down a painful truth shall reveal itself
  it shall lay before you bare and indifferent
  bear the ugliness of this truth and examine it with great care
  for in it lies the answer you’ve been searching for
  do not merely exist…
  live

  
  i have some thoughts on this but they're going to be transparent so yeah dskfjhfkh here's that:
  i just,, OKAY i think i can articulate like,, a little bit of what's bothering me,, like specifically the line 'you're not feeling right because you know you're not living right' like it just reminds me a lot,, of like,, things that have been said to me that have basically blamed me for my Various Issues and i know that there are things which are my fault but like idk i just think that maybe i am struggling idk its hard to know if i actually think that or not bc like as soon as i say that im like 'well no i just think that bc im an ass' (not the exact thought but you get the idea) and i just idk ig theres part of me that thinks i need help to Live:tm: and i just sdjfhskhff idk stuff like that space email feels like,, so oversimplified?? like it's like 'you can just do the thing!! so do it!!' but like it doesnt feel that way to me??? and like idk if the reasons i have for not being able to Just Do It are valid or if i just think they are but sdkjsfhksd. it just hurts reading stuff like this hurts idk if it hurts for other people so yk i cant say that it's Bad Stuff but it's bad for me and i just jksdjhfskdfh idek why i opened space email it's all vents or like overly positive malarkey like,, nothing on there has ever been helpful for me when im like this i just ugh i have skyrim open but i dont even want to play that but ill proabbyl start playing it as soon as i post this bc i am a liar who isnt actually upset i just want to post on here ykyk jkfhskdjh like idk if that's true or not but that's what i tell myself like kjfhkh i need to work on my inner thoughts but i just,, idk how i miss therapy i need help i think but i dont and i just,,, kjdsfj my brain is a mess i am a mess i wish i had someone who could help me clean it up but idek bc like,, yk they say that like happiness isnt about not feeling sadness its about learning to accept sadness so like maybe its bad that i want to not feel messy idk im so confused abotu everything everything is so difficult and i just,, now im thinking about resumes and word choice and i just idk idk im so lazy i should Do Things why wont i just Do Them ugh im sorry i should not be like,, free associating like this im just kshfhs ugh i dont want anyone to see this but i also i just idk my friend told me to use notepad but i Dont save things to my computer and yeah theres google docs but like,,,i vent on thecomfortcorner that's what i've done for like,, four years now??? like yeha its embarrassing to have stuff like this seen by people and ive been deleting posts recently bc im worried about what people think but i just,, idk its what i do its where i go to vent ykyk i need to change it but i wont bc im dumb and lazy and awful i hate my brain i hate myself i hate how worried i get about people i hate interacting with people i hate not interacting iwth people i love my friends but i just dhkjh idk idk idk i get so worried and idk i dont think i deserve to talk to anyone i dont think i deserve to not feel lonely and i just idk ykyk my friends are nice and i dont want to hurt them if i decide i dont want them in my life like skhdfkfh idk it hasnt happened but im so fickle and needy and anxious and i could Changee My Mind at any point like i've done so many times before i dont want to be that person but i am i am that person I SAID I SHOULD NOT BE DOING THIS I NEED TO STOP IM SORRY
  
  edit: yall im- 'it hasnt happened' BRO IT LIETRALLY HAPPENED WITH MY BEST FRIEND I WA SLIKE 'BYEEE!!1' AND HKSHFF THE ONLY REASON WHY WE'RE FRIENDS NOW IS BC SHE RANDOMLY SENT ME A DISCORD FRIEND REQUEST AFTER A FEW MONTHS OF NOT TALKING AND I WAS FEELING SPONTANEOUS AND THEN WE STARTED TALKING AGAIN AND LIKE,, SJKFKJSFH IDK IDK IDK I SHOULDNT TALK TO PEOPLE I SHOULDNT BE ALLOWED TO BC IM DESTRUCTIVE LIKE I JUST,, ugh. yall younger me was an awful person like me now is i hate thinking about my younger self so much i have so many regrets im not even that old like kshdfdskjfh idk yall idk i think being a person is hard but also i think im just a horrible human being like,,, horrible in the sense like i am A Piece Of Trash but also like horrible in that like,, i just do not know how to be a human and what to do and how im supposed to live my life and i know no one else knows either but i just idk idk idk its all so confusing and i mess everything up so easily im so worried im going to do it again but also i sort of want to??? i want to run away or cut off a friend or like,, idk. like that's the thing that makes me awful bc like yeah there is a part of me who cares about others and like wants to be a nice person but there's also a part of me that is apathetic to everyone but me and wants to do things On A Whim and i give into that part more than i should bc its fun well like no it's not fun a lot of the time but it is some of the time?? idk i just think i enjoy some part of it and i just dkjfhksjhh idk idk idk i wish i could push a button and erase me from everyone's memories like jksdkjdh i just want to poof myself out of the brains of the people i know and start over somewhere new or maybe not even start over but just like,, live by myself on an island kjdhksdh AA I NEED TO STOP IM SO SORRY THIS IS REALLY IT BYEEE

[rover]

• i was feeling Bad so i opened space email and idk why i did bc i got this and i just i am jsdhkjshf i was feeling like Bad but somewhat put together but now i am messy again and i just,,, aa here is the email that has done this to me
  (tw for like,, motivation (/neg) like,, yk those tiktoks that are like 'get off your ass!!! start doing things!!' like sort of like that but less concrete?? idk this isn't a good warning im sorry but like sdkjfhskdjfhh you should know that it messed me up so if you're not in the right headspace please don't read it!!!)
  
  

  is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life?
  rotting away mindlessly from cheap ephemeral entertainment, intoxicated from dopamine overdose, seizing every chance you get to escape reality…
  you’re not feeling right because you know you’re not living right
  be disillusioned by the seduction of your indulgent lifestyle
  open your eyes to the life it has caused you to lead
  why do you resist to sit with yourself?
  because you know deep down a painful truth shall reveal itself
  it shall lay before you bare and indifferent
  bear the ugliness of this truth and examine it with great care
  for in it lies the answer you’ve been searching for
  do not merely exist…
  live

  
  i have some thoughts on this but they're going to be transparent so yeah dskfjhfkh here's that:
  i just,, OKAY i think i can articulate like,, a little bit of what's bothering me,, like specifically the line 'you're not feeling right because you know you're not living right' like it just reminds me a lot,, of like,, things that have been said to me that have basically blamed me for my Various Issues and i know that there are things which are my fault but like idk i just think that maybe i am struggling idk its hard to know if i actually think that or not bc like as soon as i say that im like 'well no i just think that bc im an ass' (not the exact thought but you get the idea) and i just idk ig theres part of me that thinks i need help to Live:tm: and i just sdjfhskhff idk stuff like that space email feels like,, so oversimplified?? like it's like 'you can just do the thing!! so do it!!' but like it doesnt feel that way to me??? and like idk if the reasons i have for not being able to Just Do It are valid or if i just think they are but sdkjsfhksd. it just hurts reading stuff like this hurts idk if it hurts for other people so yk i cant say that it's Bad Stuff but it's bad for me and i just jksdjhfskdfh idek why i opened space email it's all vents or like overly positive malarkey like,, nothing on there has ever been helpful for me when im like this i just ugh i have skyrim open but i dont even want to play that but ill proabbyl start playing it as soon as i post this bc i am a liar who isnt actually upset i just want to post on here ykyk jkfhskdjh like idk if that's true or not but that's what i tell myself like kjfhkh i need to work on my inner thoughts but i just,, idk how i miss therapy i need help i think but i dont and i just,,, kjdsfj my brain is a mess i am a mess i wish i had someone who could help me clean it up but idek bc like,, yk they say that like happiness isnt about not feeling sadness its about learning to accept sadness so like maybe its bad that i want to not feel messy idk im so confused abotu everything everything is so difficult and i just,, now im thinking about resumes and word choice and i just idk idk im so lazy i should Do Things why wont i just Do Them ugh im sorry i should not be like,, free associating like this im just kshfhs ugh i dont want anyone to see this but i also i just idk my friend told me to use notepad but i Dont save things to my computer and yeah theres google docs but like,,,i vent on thecomfortcorner that's what i've done for like,, four years now??? like yeha its embarrassing to have stuff like this seen by people and ive been deleting posts recently bc im worried about what people think but i just,, idk its what i do its where i go to vent ykyk i need to change it but i wont bc im dumb and lazy and awful i hate my brain i hate myself i hate how worried i get about people i hate interacting with people i hate not interacting iwth people i love my friends but i just dhkjh idk idk idk i get so worried and idk i dont think i deserve to talk to anyone i dont think i deserve to not feel lonely and i just idk ykyk my friends are nice and i dont want to hurt them if i decide i dont want them in my life like skhdfkfh idk it hasnt happened but im so fickle and needy and anxious and i could Changee My Mind at any point like i've done so many times before i dont want to be that person but i am i am that person I SAID I SHOULD NOT BE DOING THIS I NEED TO STOP IM SORRY
  
  edit: yall im- 'it hasnt happened' BRO IT LIETRALLY HAPPENED WITH MY BEST FRIEND I WA SLIKE 'BYEEE!!1' AND HKSHFF THE ONLY REASON WHY WE'RE FRIENDS NOW IS BC SHE RANDOMLY SENT ME A DISCORD FRIEND REQUEST AFTER A FEW MONTHS OF NOT TALKING AND I WAS FEELING SPONTANEOUS AND THEN WE STARTED TALKING AGAIN AND LIKE,, SJKFKJSFH IDK IDK IDK I SHOULDNT TALK TO PEOPLE I SHOULDNT BE ALLOWED TO BC IM DESTRUCTIVE LIKE I JUST,, ugh. yall younger me was an awful person like me now is i hate thinking about my younger self so much i have so many regrets im not even that old like kshdfdskjfh idk yall idk i think being a person is hard but also i think im just a horrible human being like,,, horrible in the sense like i am A Piece Of Trash but also like horrible in that like,, i just do not know how to be a human and what to do and how im supposed to live my life and i know no one else knows either but i just idk idk idk its all so confusing and i mess everything up so easily im so worried im going to do it again but also i sort of want to??? i want to run away or cut off a friend or like,, idk. like that's the thing that makes me awful bc like yeah there is a part of me who cares about others and like wants to be a nice person but there's also a part of me that is apathetic to everyone but me and wants to do things On A Whim and i give into that part more than i should bc its fun well like no it's not fun a lot of the time but it is some of the time?? idk i just think i enjoy some part of it and i just dkjfhksjhh idk idk idk i wish i could push a button and erase me from everyone's memories like jksdkjdh i just want to poof myself out of the brains of the people i know and start over somewhere new or maybe not even start over but just like,, live by myself on an island kjdhksdh AA I NEED TO STOP IM SO SORRY THIS IS REALLY IT BYEEE

😭 i'm just like u fr bestie /gen

[Guest]

I'm a bit annoyed. Our maid is on vacation rn so our family agreed that we should always clean our own mess and I take care of my dog. That's great, in theory should work pretty well. The thing is we're not even a week in and my parents are already leaving dirty stuff at the kitchen sink hoping they will magically be clean.
Also one of my cousins has a dog, Bella. My parents absolutely love Bella and decided to invite her to stay over. My mom said I shouldn't worry because she will take care of Bella by herself. Well, this is her first day here and I was the one who needed to feed her and clean her poop as usual.
She always says she will take care of Bella and never does, that's why I asked day 1 if she fed Bella (my mom isn't home so she would have fed her before leaving) and, of course, she didn't. And Bella wouldn't eat for at least 6 more hours if I didn't ask.
I hate that they can't even take care of themselves and still bring 1 extra creature home, pretend they're gonna care for it and I end up being the one who has to do it. I'm about to go on a 12 hour shift and tomorrow I have A LOT of stuff to do, i'll leave at 8, come back at 11, leave at 12, come back to feed the dogs 21h, leave as soon as I feed them and come back home at midnight. Just to go to work again 8AM saturday.
I don't have time to care for 2 adults and 1 extra dog.
I just wish they would at least clean after themselves. At least that. I'll take care of the other dog, just please stop leaving your dirty forks and plates and cups on the sink. The two of you made the "clean right after you use" rule and i'm literally the only person doing it.
How can you make a bigger mess by eating a slice of bread than I do baking? For god's sake stop being so dirty with food.
It's a kitchen
It's supposed to be the cleanest place in the house.

[rover]

Gender n body stuff. dysmorphia

i wish i was just like
genderless
like
an alien body ykno no parts just a human shape and a soft, smooth andro voice
or maybe i wud keep my voice because it's dumb and it's mine even tho i hate it but it can do funny things. and i would have SOME character to my physical self.
my body rn is like pretty nice ig; flat, skinny, good proportions, nice (?) hands. but my face is not pretty; i'm like a 6/10 according to this guy friend i had. god if only my face were pretty i would be slaying SO hard 😪😪😪😪 nobody would stand a CHANCE 😩😩 oh actually my ears r kinda weird too; can we fix that? and my hands could be prettier and maybe if i had more butt. also could i be a bit toned?!?!!? 😍 or what if i was just twink-looking (that'd be awesome) and—

to be serious tho. i'm like aight with myself, just mainly my gender (like, what???) and face. sometimes i just look in the mirror and my face is completely different??? like i don't look like myself. sometimes i look prettier, sometimes i look super duper ugly.
and i am SO glad i don't have to "hear myself." like obv i do but it's not like listening to a recording which is just TORTURE my voice is actually UGH i mean i can fake something softer/nicer but WHEN I GET EXCITED I WANNA YELL N BE LOUD and then my actual voice is like. i mean i can impersonate toad spot-on and make the perfect gremlin noises so easily, naturally. like ok that's fun but lord it's only cuz my voice is like this.

anyways i think altho i am insane i am still pretty cute teehee!!!1!1111!1!1!!!!! i just wish genderless alien were a real physical thing and i was like an object, almost. it/its is alr my preferred pronoun zzzz has been zzzzzz but people r like... bro, u r a person u deserve respect— LIKE THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T WANNA TELL U.... IT'S NOT LIKE THAT (i don't want like respect, respect, it should be an unspoken thing to just respect ppl as a person zzzzz), I'M JUST MOST COMFY LIKE THAT. i thought i preferred he/him but i realized it was weird (almost out of my bodu) and they/them makes me feel a little icky irl. (fine online cuz it's a default pronoun here imo smxmxmx)

anyways i am insane and i unironically like being silly, have. when i am not silly i just like "why am i here; i am purposeless without a person to be silly around and entertain MYSELF (and them)" and then get sad

i am tired of typing and i have an exam i didn't study for in less than 45 mins bye

[marciplier]

everything i do feels empty like it doesnt actually mean anything and if i was not here nothing would change. i sit on my ass all day. i do nothing of purpose. i do nothing of meaning. what kind of life am i living? life would be no different for everyone if i disappeared. if i never even existed at all. or if i stopped existing. what is the point of being alive if every single day i do nothing and nothing matters or nothing ill ever do is important. lol

after all im just an idiot who dropped out of the 9th grade and ill never amount to anything worthwhile

[bubbaberriboo]

just when i thought things couldn't possibly get worse; i went to an lgbt group meeting, sat there for an hour and didn't say a word to anyone. left and now i've been crying for an hour.
i am such a failure.

[skyline]

!! tw body dysmorphia

every time i put on a pair of tight pants. theyre so SMALL. narrow. almost nonexistent. so many people have the opposite issue. i wish i could take hips and thighs away from someone who doesn't want theirs. because so many people don't. im sick of sitting in front of my mirror and crying. there are people who would kill for my body but i guess the feeling can be mutual. i dont even want anything crazy why arent they just NORMAL i don't want to be this skinny. its not easy to fix either, i am a healthy weight. i dont know if it's because i'm taller than average or what. some angles they look ok. but then i stand straight and just. break down. my friends and i joke about me stealing theirs bc they dont want them and i get upset because i can't actually do it gjskhfskhd imn tired of crying over this i need to learn to deal with it its so hard

[.destiny]

i really enjoy waves of sadness just completely drowning me lol

i miss being loved a lot. i still hold resentment, i'm still upset and hurt despite my romantic ordeals happening one year ago. i don't know why i can't move on. sometimes it feels like i'm always finding something to be upset with, despite these conversations happening a while ago. it doesn't feel like i should be upset but i am.
i remember talking to him about having expectations. he was gutted to hear that i don't expect anything from anyone. he wanted me to expect things from others and especially him since we were dating. i told him that i expect him to not hurt me, even though that's a bit obvious. but even then, he ended up hurting me anyways. he ended up doing the one thing i trusted him not to do.

i feel incomplete. i know a relationship isn't everything, but i miss someone loving me for who i am. i miss someone making me happy because they love me. i miss everything about a relationship so much. it's been really lonely. but, based on my past two relationships, it feels like i'm not worth any of it. i wonder a lot if i'll even be loved again.
perhaps i depend on men too much. lol.

[Sullivan Maurus]

-snip-

[rover]

Why am i looking up what i need to run away from home