TheComfortCorner | V.9

[Dlrt]

i'm in one of the worst mental states i've been in a real long time and i don't know how to help myself improve it. all i do is lay around all day and play video games to help myself get distracted from everything. if i even try to work, it ends in me having a breakdown. i've had art block for 2 months now and when the other day i tried to work i just,,, broke down. i was so close to declaring it the end of my art career all together. i guess thats just what my mind does when i'm all alone and struggling.

i've been indulging in escapism so much more as well lately, to the point all i ever do or think about is fiction. if i come back to reality even for a smidge, find myself being alone, i instantly start crying. i hate being here and there's genuinely nothing i wouldn't do to be able to be transported to my favorite fictional world. everything there just seems so much brighter, so much warmed, so much more full of hope. at times it hurts to not be in that world instead and i've had a few days where i cried because of it. it sucks when something so comforting to you brings you so much pain.

my health and hygiene have been horrible as well. i don't remember the last time i showered or cleaned my house. i either over eat to the point i throw up or i dont eat anything for days. i hate myself for being at this point, i feel disgusting and useless, but yet i still can't muster up the energy to even turn my washing machine on. i don't know what to do, i don't know how to get out of this hole. next month i'll be moving to the uk to live with a few friends and that alone is the sole reason i am still going. i hope the move ends up making at least a few of my problems go away. but god,, if they don't, i don't know what i'll do anymore. i've been wanting to get medicated for my depression for months now but because of how stupid the lithuanian mental health system is, i haven't been able to even get a legit diagnosis. it's frustrating and i'm genuinely angry at the incompetence and disregard this country has for mental health. i just really wish it gets better when i move. i need it to get better. i need something nice for once to happen.

[Crazyclaww]

I am. so scared of people getting angry at me over this
I barely know how to bring it up. feel so cornered and this dread won't go away erughh

[marciplier]

i wish i could think about people in a healthy way. i wish i didnt have these horrible intrusive thoughts. i just want to spend some time with people i love without my brain twisting it please.

[sodatab]

i wish my boyfriend talked to me more

[Captain. A. Stark.]

i need help
really badly but my parents don't think i need help
so i continue to go to my day to day letting everything bubble up inside until i explode eventually
and then it resets and starts over

i dont want to do anything anymore
going to school feels like a chore
why eat when that food could go to someone who deserves it more
sleeping is a lost cause

anything im interested in is stupid

my dad doesnt like my grades atm. i missed school for abt a week and it led to a bunch of zeroes that my teachers haven't put in yet
all of those assignments are turned in. i emailed, i talked to them, i did what i could but they have lives of their own so the grades still arent in
my parents emailed and called too and the school said i was irresponsible for not contacting them when i have the emails and everything to show that i did
that escalated into the point where my dad got into one of his episodes and took my phone from me although im going to be an adult in a little bit, and flipped over my bowl and now everythings a mess on the carpet and i dont have the energy to clean it up or to think abt it or fight back
im done
ive never wanted to leave so badly
this isnt even the worst that has happened in this room but its enough to make me capsize
i literally cant live anymore without being criticized for existing

atleast my brother doesnt have to put up with any of it
im like a shield for him
my parents and family and friends always chew through me first before anything even touches him
even now, his grades and academics are significantly worse than mine.
however i still take the grunt of the hit for it
every once in a while my parents remember that he exists and they go in and check his grades and he's averaging like 40s and 50s. he gets a talking to but thats about it. and then the focus returns to me who has apparently never done anything or tried once in my life

i gave up on getting them to understand anything in my perspective after coming out backfired on me completely
being gay and trans is fine to them as long as im not gay or trans
i think my only ticket out of here is just zipping my mouth up and taking the hits until i dont have to see them anymore
going to be a while, but thats just the way it is i suppose

[vi‎ ‎]

im so tired lmao

[flooxii]

hello. I have seen this thread around for awhile so I've decided to finally post.
so I'll get right into it, I guess.
I am definitely getting more and more depressed as time goes on, and I'm not doing so well in school. I've gotten really low marks on tests and such and have been just really down lately.
I'm so skilled at putting a "mask" on now I'm getting worried bout it. I shouldn't be so good at that. why? just.. why can't I be normal. why am I so sad? why am I miserable?

I'm too afraid of what my parents will say if I ask them for a therapist or whatever. they aren't the type to get angry at me.. but I just feel like they would..
I'm so young for this, I think that may be one of the reasons? I feel.. too young to feel this way.

my friends used to cheer me up so much. (they don't know about my situation.) but now they just seem like they're talking to me. they're actually really amazing, they still tell jokes, they still laugh, it's just that I don't feel like I deserve all that.

right now I'm lying in bed, on the brink of crying.. again. why won't my anxiety.. my stress.. my sadness just all go away? it's just a huge pain the the butt and I wish I didn't feel this way.

I know I can call kids help phone or such, but if my parents heard me talking to someone they'd yell at me. and if I text someone, like those numbers to use specifically for that reason, they'd wonder who and why they're in my contacts. I honestly just don't know what to do.

even listening to my favourite music has done nothing. I'm not listening to sad, depressing songs, I'm actually listening to happier music. like those fun japanese vocaloid songs. god I love those, and I heard that listening to your favourite music can help.. right? but it's done nothing.


I'm so sorry for venting. I just absolutely needed to let it out. all replies are greatly appreciated.

[gamer]

I want to write stories and draw comics but it feels like I've hit a huge mental block. Plus, I keep having wildly different ideas and concepts that I want to use and I don't know how to put them all into one story.

I obviously can't start multiple story ideas at once because then none of them will ever get finished. I struggle enough with starting just one as it is. But I want to start making a comic sometime, at least for practice. I've always loved reading manga/manhwa and would love to make something similar of my own, but it's so hard to start, especially considering the fact that this past couple of years I've had the worst brain fog and motivation loss... it really sucks.

But I really, really love coming up with character concepts and backstories for them. It's so fun. I just wish I could come up with a comprehensive story and write it out.

[rover]

$640.82...
i'm losing control to genshin and for what
mere pixels
and a shallowness
i could have spent it on clothes or food or anything physical
but i just
i can only delete the game but then what
"the money will be truly wasted if i don't keep playing"
i just feel trapped, idk what to do

[ToxicDark2173]

I wish I could just feel happy. I'm always tired. I wake up feeling like I havnt even slept. I don't even want to do the things I used to love doing. All I do is work and sleep. Many friends and coworkers have invited me out and I always say no or that I'm busy. I havnt played Xbox or really been online to play games. I havnt felt the need to want to watch anything I like. All I want to do Is lay in my bed all day.

I wanna cry but don't. I'm pretty much worthless. Nothing really makes me happy anymore. I'm just emotionless. Non of my family talks to me, I've lost many people especially my grandma ( who passed the day of my graduation, and my dad who passed away on Easter night. ) Easter is a hard holiday for me. Any holiday is. I have many supporters. But I just feel so alone. I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted.

I think part of this is because it's winter. And the fact I had a miscarriage. I'm just not sure what to do anymore. How am I supposed to go back to enjoying life?