nuvola, wrote:a week ago, I had to end two incredibly toxic friendships
that had, for a long time, done much more harm to me i
n the past year than any good. not that they started out
as such, no, but I simply was not willing to put up with b
eing toyed with. I was not willing to sit back and be forg
otten yet still held, because that's happened too many t
imes in the past. too many times. you think I'd be happy
about being treated in such a fashion again? and, then a
ccused (which is what these two did as I proceeded to e
nd any friendship that we previously had) of doing that
same thing to them? (it wasn't true, at least not from m
y perspective).
not a day goes by since then that I sit in my room and m
ull over what I could have done differently. because, cer
tainly this is my fault, right? because, it's my fault these
two friendships failed? I could have been better. I hate m
yself so much. why do I always have to screw everything
up?
and, now, because they're gone, and so is my happiness.
they took it with them. my most treasured friend hasn't
been online in a couple days and I feel so alone. maybe
I depended on them too much, and I shouldn't have, but
they haven't been answering again and it hurts so bad. n
o day goes by where I find I can't will myself out of bed
and do things. where I just wish I could bury myself in t
he ground and hope that maybe I'll just melt into it unt
il I disappear. I wish that would happen. I really do. I ca
n't continue to be strong and pretend everything is alrig
ht when it clearly isn't. I can't stand this pain anymore.
because, truly, I'm a mistake, a burden, and nothing bu
t a meaningless human who probably doesn't mean muc
h to anybody.
Sometimes everything feels like that. It can be hard to find someone that can support you. I had some trouble with a very hard to deal with "friend" that I went to a dance group with. Its hard. But, is it wrong to want someone to support you when you are broken? No! Just stand up and try harder. You've given it your all, but not everyone around you knows that. Put on a fake smile! Try to be happy, or you won't notice when people are trying to help you. No one is worthless; there is laughter to be had, tears to fall, hugs to be given. The right friend group can make a blind man see, a deaf man hear, a mute woman sing! The details matter; a smile, a laugh, a note: Any of these things can make a difference. If you need to talk to someone, find someone! If you see someone crying, or alone, or in your position, support them! Sometimes the person you are looking for is already looking for you. Communities are built to support, not hurt. Ask yourself this: If you are being hurt by people, then is that a good group or community? Is being bullied what you want? I hope not.
Oh, and try to not listen to depressing music/read sad books. Try more active songs. Hearing something sad isn't very good for a sad person.
~Be strong. Not every bird flies the first time it opens it's wings.
I hope it's alright that I made a post here...Still new to this.
