Things That Annoy You [v.24]

[Mz. Hyde]

The fact tat it seriously hurts to eat..
And people think im freaking anorexic.
Hell no.

[gliscom]

What annoys me?
Justin Beiber

[nightbeat]

What annoys me?
Justin Beiber

^ Nowadays, I can't find out if his last name is spelled "Bieber" or "Beiber" xD
I've always thought of it as "Bieber" but a lot of people spell it as "Beiber" so I dunno anymore. .__.

[WastedSpace]

You have come so far on your anger issues for me. I feel absolutely terrible for some of the things I have said and done to get you to do this. To get through to you that it's not healthy. I'm glad you did it, but I feel awful about why you did.

But why is it that I constantly need to change? I am constantly in the wrong? I constantly need to improve? I am constantly doing things to hurt you? If you really hate everything about me, why did you ever stay? You think that absolutely everything about me is an act? It's not.

I know I am mean. Cruel. An abuser. Hurtful. These things haunt me all the time. I am constantly using this to keep myself not these things. I consciously watch myself. I hate interacting with people because of what I can do to them. While it hurts to be friendless, it's also better.

I know I still have issues. I take things too far. I didn't mean to come off that way; I took something you said and kept going with it. It went past what you're wanting and wandered back into cruelty. Say things enough and people start to believe them. Start to believe you think them. I want to say it was partially a defense mechanism, because of the sexism that you and your friends (perhaps subconsciously) throw my way everyday, but I guess that's not true. I'm not confrontational enough for that (plus speaking up would only get me yelled out). I'm sorry for the things I said. I do not believe them. I do actually believe in equality and want it. Want respect.

What is true is that I am tired of it all.

Tired of cleaning your kitchen because you don't want to. I get it. Most of the mess is your roommates (but whether you want to admit it or not, you are a part of the problem). I get that Rex reacted badly to saying he should have to clean up his mess (reacted a lot like you when you're angry, if you want to see the irony in that). And it is complete and total crap.

But you know what? That's a part of living with people. You take care of different things because you each care about different things and know about different things. You think it doesn't annoy the crap out of me that neither of my roommates seem to know how to wipe down a counter? Or do the dishes after they eat (or until they have to because they're out of things to eat on, with, and cook with? It does. But the counter bothers me, so I do it. When there's no more room in the sink, I do some of their dishes so I can do my own. And I know Kate is really busy trying to graduate, so when I have the time, I do hers. And Val is kind and takes care of so much else around the house, so I also don't mind doing hers. Yes, sometimes I do them because I need them to cook on, but I also do them because we're roommates and I like to do things for people. It feels so great when people do you favors and I like to pay it forward.

So the mess isn't yours. Or all yours. Well, it certainly isn't mine. I don't even live there. I already spent half a year cleaning your kitchen everyday. You think I don't know it's a full time job? I slacked off this last semester because it's not my job and because of the sexism. I don't want you guys thinking I'm your maid. I tried to be looser and care less about it, but when we're cooking an actual meal, it needs to be cleaned. And every time I ask you, all I get is yelled at, anger directed at me, and told it's not your mess. Well, guess what? Nobody else is doing the cleaning. And you know that I'm going to do it. Why can't you just do it for me? Just once or twice?

Or at least be willing to go over to my house?

And it's not just the kitchen. Your bathroom is also disgusting. Yes, I get that your house was built forever ago and the only thing that is going to fix it at this point is to rebuild it. That doesn't mean you can just give up. Or should give up. You scrubbed your room, bathroom included, the first time I came over. It has not been cleaned since. Well, duh, it will just need cleaned again. That is the curse of cleaning. You can't just do it once. That doesn't mean you should never do it. Your bathroom floor is basically just covered in hair and dust. Your sink has gross build up. I have cleaned it more than you because you have the supplies and it needs it.

Your floor needs vacuumed. Your shelves and dusts need dusted. I have even offered to do these things. But nooooo, then you would have to put in some effort. Effort to "move your stuff" so I can clean for you. Seriously?

Your bed is never made. I get that you like it that way. I used to like that, too. But you know what? You're not the one sitting on it all the time. You get the desk. I come over and all I do is sit on your bed with us both on our computers. I like sitting on the bed when it's made. I don't like to when it's not made.

I have asked you to do these things over and over again. You either ignore me or brush me off. One time you actually said "Oh, well, if that's all." So don't you dare say that I have never mentioned these things and let them build up until I exploded at you.

Which, by the way, I did not. Our conversation started by you telling me I'm always irrational and mean to you when I'm on it. Wow, what a nice, great thing to tell me. That is a great way to start off a conversation. I know I am mean. What you get is the toned down version of me because I recognize what is happening. However, and I do apologize, I do have horrible PMS. I have since day one. I get horrible cramps, constant cravings, and awful mood swings. Half the time I'm crazy depressed and just cry at absolutely everything. The rest of the time I am raging and want to explode at everything. I have scared people away before, so much so my mom has had to talk about it with me. I'm sorry I can't catch all of it. I do feel awful about it. But is starting out a conversation when I've just started about how I'm always so mean to you the best way to do things?

No. Neither is your deflection. You're always saying you want me to be honest, though you practically never believe anything I'm saying, especially when I'm baring my heart and telling you secrets or things I hate saying. Then when I say the really honest stuff, like you need to work on your anger issues, or I feel unappreciated when you don't do anything I ask of you and barely ever even listen to me, all I get is anger and deflection. It's always right back to my flaws and the terrible things I've done during and to this relationship and to and said to you. I get being defensive when someone approaches those things with you. That's just human nature. I do it to (and hate it and do my best to stop when I realize). But after that defensiveness, can you not take a reasonable approach to it? Even think about it? I do. I have worked my butt of for the things you've said.

I know I'm nowhere close to perfect and never will be. I know my effort rarely, if ever, shows up, but I am trying to change so you can be happy. For the first few months it was always you coming over to my dorm for just a little while, to 'give me space.' You needed more time and for me to come to you. Now we only ever go to your place. Two semesters ago I basically lived at your house while still paying $300 a month + utilities. Last semester wasn't that much better. I drive you everywhere. (I know it sucks not having a car, but I've never met anyone as lazy as you. You can't go anywhere unless someone drives you, and that someone is usually me. Even that week that my car exploded and so it had to be in the shop, you just got Wyatt to drive you places. I walked. And I didn't complain. Even though it takes a half hour to get to the store. Even though you have a habit of disappearing and not letting me know in any way or bringing your phone with you so you can contact me. I walked. I walked to your place when we were supposed to meet. You weren't there. I walked to the store. Passed you in Wyatt's car. Walked back. You never left me any notice. I did tons of walking, but I didn't complain. Don't have to get people to drive me everywhere. You even have a bike. I'm sorry it seems to get popped so much. Suck it up and fix it. Stop running over the goatheads that you know are there just so you can get a ride everywhere.) I do 99% of the cooking for us. AT YOUR HOUSE. That I clean more than you or anyone else there, besides maybe Ashley, and maaaaaybe Brad. The three people who don't live there.

When you cook, I always have to be there, like a good little girl. When I cook, if you're there, you just backseat cook me. But most of the time you're just not there. Hiding in your room, on your computer like always.

Crap, you don't even go to classes. For craps sake. You have missed two semesters. Consecutively. Just plain didn't go. Didn't try. Decided you wouldn't do good and quit. I have tried offering support and asking what else I can do. You get crabby at me because I am going to classes and am doing good. I can't even talk about my day with you because it makes you feel bad. I'm not trying to guilt you. I just would like somebody to talk to. But you never even listen. What you do listen to, you get angry at. So I just don't. The worst part is that I feel like it's my fault you haven't done good. What really sucks is that you get no motivation. You're not motivated and the school does nothing. The warning packet doesn't work for you and stupid crapppy idiot Liebrock just does a go around and hires you back after the school fires you from your school paid job because you're not cutting it at classes. Doesn't that totally defeat the purpose of that job? I know you already lost your LANL job, but that hasn't done it. You are using this school job to pay for school and aren't going to classes. ARGH. Part of me knows that if I wait long enough, I'll just graduate and move on before you even become a junior. You are supposed to be two years ahead of me and you are still a sophomore. You should be a senior this year. I am a semester behind but just made it to junior. I am ahead of you. You are two years ahead of me. And I feel like I'm at fault. But nothing I do does anything to fix it.

Everything only make it worse. And no matter what I do, I'm at fault. We try to spend our two year anniversary at the place we really started to fall for each other, but you don't want to do it with just us because you think it'll be weird. So I suck it up and invite an ex-friend that I'm really not fond of and her boyfriend who I'm really not fond of. (It still bothers me that you cheated on your ex- with his best friend and I just can't respect your relationship. Your constant lovey dovey crap makes me angry and annoyed. It's awful of me, but it does.) They are happy to go to the amusement park with us. You are awkward and refuse to make any conversation. Then you get angry when her, Brook, and I do fill in the conversation. Brook is a hyper, excitable, happy, peppy, flamboyant person. Of course she's going to talk. And whether I like it or not anymore, there is a reason we were friends. We get along really well and the conversation just flows. But you know what? Brook is a social butterfly and she is always trying to involve everywhere. You were only left out of the conversation because you made a conscious effort to stay out of it, to not even talk when Brook spoke to you. So you run off. Get angry when I don't follow because that's rude and you just left without a word. Come and stonily tell me you want a word with me, like you always do, so I make up that we want to get a drink, and leave with you. We try to talk, which results in you telling me I'm a ***** when I'm not social and I'm a ***** when I am social. Well what the heck do you want me to do? And you have the nerve to get angry with me when I call you melodramatic. What a rude little snot you were to Brook and Tyler. As I said, Brook is a social butterfly and gets people. She automatically gets that you are angry because you're left out, so she specifically asks you more questions to involve you. You half-heartedly and unexcitedly answer them. I try to talk less, but no one else besides Brook is talking, so I kind of half to so things aren't completely awkward. The day ends badly all around and you try to blame it on Brook and Tyler. Whatever.

You were so insulted over the nerve I had to say you were melodramatic (you are a majority of the time, really, IMO), and yet it's okay for you to call me things like hysterical? To apologize for an argument by saying you should have just talked me down? We were texting and, once again, I made the mistake of being honest. I've tried twice this week to be honest and both times an argument erupted and we got nowhere. You wonder why I always give up? Why I always take the blame? Why I'm always the one working towards change? Because you have to win every fight, every argument, every tiff. It never ends otherwise. Me giving in calms you down. I'm not a confrontational person and you are. But can't you even think about things later?

One of the things about me that has bothered you since day one is that we don't do anything. I am a homebody. I will fully admit it. But you know what? I have a pretty good temperament. I take what annoys me in others and work towards not doing those things. And it really skeeves me off when people are so set towards not liking something or enjoying something that it ruins it for everyone else. Luckily, I'm game for a lot of things. All you have to do is offer to do something. I'll be willing, if you just want to do it. And once we're out, I'll have a good time and join in the joking and socializing. But you never want to do anything. Except you always do. You just don't want to put in the effort. I've even actively sought out things for us to do, only to always get turned down. Daniel and Raine love going out. They go to town all the time. They've invited us plenty of times. You always get all stony and don't want to. (Then constantly complain to me that I never want to do anything. And I'm sorry if I don't find it funny when you joke about this with your friends, because I know the complaint that is seriously behind it - so why are you the one who is allowed to get angry over me not being able to joke about it when it starts real arguments?) The one weekend you were gone, I actually got to go to town with Dan and Raine, yes, even though it is an hour away. Yes, we only went for pizza, but we thought about going too late to really get to do anything else. We did try for a movie, but nothing was open anymore. That trip never would have happened if you had been around.

You just want control, but don't want to do anything ever. As long as you suggested it and people were ready to go along with it, you're fine. Just as long as you know you have that control. After, you don't want to do it. You always want to go out but once we're out, you're not fun to be around and do your best to ruin everyone else's mood. And if something happens and I can't make something, you have this thing against 'being the third wheel.' But you're constantly pushing me to do these things that would make me the third wheel. But you know what? Dan and Raine are great people and I don't feel like a third wheel with them. Dan probably feels like more of third wheel than I ever have and he's Raine's wife. But he's a great guy (or at least as always been nice to me) and is happy to go out. You constantly treat him like crap. You do that to a lot of your friends. You like to push them away and then cuddle with a different friend. You tell them where to sit. You always have to be the one in charge of the remote. You call Wyatt passive aggressive a lot but never admit when you're a jerk. Half the time you're a jerk and yell at him because of that. Say he's being passive aggressive when he's not and then storm off.

I don't even like that I can say at least it's not just me. You're basically in charge of what we do because everyone else is looser and game for almost anything, while we know that you have to have your way or hissy temper tantrum fit town it is.

And I... You think your tired?

Stop threatening me with things. Stop saying I've found someone better whenever I am honest and say the things that would make me feel like you do appreciate me. Stop saying 'if you think x, then we're over.' Stop toying with my emotions and purposely ignoring me to teach me a lesson or show me how it feels. Stop staying stuck on things that happened in the first three months of our relationship. I may not have been a good girlfriend during that time, but it has been two and almost a half years now and I've constantly been working towards being better while you got worse and worse. Stop living in the past so much that you miss the present. Stop trying to guilt me and then yell at me when I call you on it. Stop. Just stop.

I know some of the things you've been through and I am truly sorry. I feel awful you had to go through that. I would give and do anything to make it so I had gone through that stuff instead of you. You deserve way better, as has anyone who has been through that stuff. But you have to learn to get on with your life. I haven't gone through any of that, but Raine is such an inspiration to me, as I briefly hoped she could get through to you. She's been through so much crap and came out all the stronger. She is such a beautiful, strong person, capable of so much more than she gives herself credit for. She is optimistic and happy. She's fearless. Determined. Can make it through anything. Why? Because she knows she's better than what happened to her and the people who did it. They're not worth her time and she's able to live her life. Please, just for yourself, please realize you're worth so much more than this. You can survive and overcome and, maybe most importantly, grow. Your life doesn't have to be about him. Don't give him that satisfaction of controlling you states away and out of your life. Start living your life for you.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I know I am nowhere near perfect. I'm all flaws. You deserve better. And yet you keep wanting to try. And yet... But I'm not confrontational.

You say you don't want to give up because you don't give on things, but is it giving up at this point? Maybe it would be healthier to be apart. Better. Maybe we are giving up by staying together.

I don't know anymore. I do know I'm tired. I know relationships are work, but shouldn't they be work for both people?

And then I feel awful all over again, because I do see and do truly appreciate the steps you've taken with your anger. It's probably more than I've done. Nothing I've done is really comparable.

But I can't stop this nagging feeling.

And I just don't know anymore.

I'm lost without a map.

Is it so wrong for me to want a little more give? I wish I could tell just how much give I've given and how much I'm still just taking.

I'm imperfect. And tired. And lost.

I don't know what to do.

Please.

Help.

Please.

[moonie,]

Geez, I'm british time, so yeah, >.> Nobody replys until around six at night. Thats in like.
Nine hours..
I find that pretty annoying.

[Yes Man]

Why is it so hard to find good art of a male Muris?
It doesn't even have to be a mage.... just sick of all the female Muris pictures.

[Canair]

Fell off my bed trying to hit a moth. Dammit. My arm hurts.

[nightbeat]

Fell off my bed trying to hit a moth. Dammit. My arm hurts.

I read that as "I fell off my bed and hit a moth" o3o xD

No muse. Whatsoever. >_>


And...


In total there are 204 users online


CS is so slow D:


Self, go to bed. It's late. Bl

[pixiepup]

You know that moment when you realize that it's almost six in the morning?

Yup.

I just had it.

[delete this acc]

You know that moment when you realize that it's almost six in the morning?

Yup.

I just had it.

I wake up to that moment everyday.

Dammit, school.

Annoyance: Mom, can you not see my eye? It's perfectly fine; it's not swollen anymore.

And you insist we still go to the doctors. ;__;