by Crystalwolf14 » Thu Jan 05, 2017 6:03 pm
So much has changed in 3 years...
I received the Presidential Award in middle school (A- or better in all of your classes in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade), and I was in the highest level math and English courses. In 9th grade, I was in an excellerated program in my high school for 9th and 10th graders who apply and get accepted, until...I started to fall behind. I was going through a lot of issues then, and eventually had to drop out about halfway through the school year. I was in the highest level English and math course for those outside of the program, and doing well. In 10th grade, I took a mix between College Prep level courses and Honors level courses (second and highest "level" outside of the program). This year, I had to drop out of my one AP course (which was one of the more difficult ones), but thankfully with no consiquences. So now I'm taking no AP courses, one Honors course, 2 CP (College Prep) courses, and a bunch of electives. I just feel...stupid. I went from being one of the top students in my class to the average Joe-Shmoe who is an absolute outcast. Hardly anyone talks to me. Most of people in all of my classes have never spoken to me. About half who have hardly said anything. I was barely able to get through my one Honors course this year.
It's just like...I don't really serve a purpose there. Sure, my teachers usually like me, I have a very important role in the extracurricular activities I participate in, and I have won an award for one of my works of art. But I'm useless in any other aspect. Almost no one knows that I'm the best female tennis player in my entire school, that I recently became an assistant editor for a nationally recognized, award winning literary-arts magazine, and that I'm fairly good at art (my teachers have been impressed with some of my projects).
It's hard enough getting through life when your self esteem is extremely low (to the point where it's turned into self hatred), never mind being treated like mostly invisible trash on top of that.
And the most ironic thing of all?
My mom used to say I was a social butterfly when I was in elementary school, because I had a lot of friends who I hung out with a lot. I was the most social out of my two siblings.
Now, I currently don't have any friends and I have about 10 students I talk to often in school. My brother and sister are more social than I am now. I'm the farthest thing from a social butterfly. The only thing I really am now is an outcast. Rejected by my peers. Ignored, interrupted, forgotten, left out.
Agh, sorry for the long post. I have a lot on my chest, and this is only touching the surface. No one has to respond or anything like that; I just like venting to someone who will actually read what I say, especially when there's a good chance of them replying. If you would like to chat/respond, I'd prefer if you PM'ed me. I'm more likely to get the message that way, since I don't check here often.
