by LYKOICXDED » Sun Mar 19, 2017 1:39 pm
dear G,
It's been hard on me.. I don't know about you. When everything ended on Thanksgiving, I didn't really feel anything. Then a month later, around Christmas time, it hit me like a train. I realized I wouldn't be able to spent Christmas break with you, snuggling and watching movies. I realized I wouldn't be with you on New Years, celebrating the coming of 2017. Christmas day, I'd just checked out. I was here, but not here at the same time.
A few days later I messaged you, apologizing for whatever the heck I'd done. I just wanted a reason as to why it all stopped. You showed no emotion or care in the world toward me. You simply told me that you were a new person, and you were having a fantastic day. You didn't want me soiling that.
After all those good days I had that I spent listening to you spill your emotions... You had the audacity to kick me away like some piece of trash when I needed help?
Then, a week after Christmas break ended, I went and sat with other people. Your foul attitude toward me had spread to everyone else in our circle. I started getting approached for being too demanding, too bossy, too venomous. Everyone had everything bad but not a single thing good about me.
I guess I couldn't expect to walk out of this school year with the same friends I walked into it with. That's the truth of it. When people tell you you won't have the same friends all through, they're definitely right.
I just wish I knew why.
Why you stopped loving me.
Why you closed yourself off.
Why you closed me off.
Now, nearly five months after it, we still don't talk. If we ever do, I feel like there's a level of hostility to it all. S seems disgusted with me now. Neither of you will hear anything to do with writing or art that is even related to me. I guess that's fine, though. I have a couple of new friends. Those people aren't as venomous as you people are. They seem a lot more accepting as to who I am turning out to be. H is a goofball who seems like the type to get himself in trouble often, but never does. D is the smol gay that is most accepting of me. B is exactly the same as D, just a tad less sharp in the mind.
I just won't permit myself to another relationship, though. Because you've cast this.. prison on my emotions. I can't talk to you and release the rest of what I need to say. I don't know what emotion I'm expecting to feel if someone is really someone I like anymore because I still love you.
I still love you so, so much.
I'm so sorry for whatever I did, even if I don't quite understand it.
x
x
Jessie/DJ . he/they
I’m a professional 🏳️🌈🐈, amateur coder, and I yap about a lot of different stuff.
discord: lykoico.