TheComfortCorner | V.9

[alleyway]

at a crossroads right now. I went back to my old job after leaving twice (who knows why they hired me back) and I dread it, doing the same thing every single night and getting out super late at night. I got a call from a petstore but I told them I already had a job. At my current job I'd make more money but at the other job I'd maybe be happier and not in fast food anymore.

Also, it's sad, for like the first time forever, someone asked how I was.

[nasa]

i’m not used to being so sad during the holidays. i
don’t understand what’s wrong with me lately

[Devilish]

my friend group is rather large, 20 people - 16 men (my husband being 1 of them) and 4 women (me being 1 of them). 1 of the guys is a wild card and you *have* to be careful inviting him to parties and events, because he is not a crowd pleaser and loves to rub people the wrong way. So naturally, he has been invited to less events over the last couple years. He is super upset with this has told us he wants to ex-communicate us. Some of the guys are devastated. I was given a blind group call the other night, and the guys need me to fix it, as if 1) any of this is my problem, and 2) I care if this guy goes away.

The things you do for the people you love :/

[onion]

when u get posted about on that super crappy tumblr blog like. did u ever consider i have friends? that it wasnt an alt, but someone who, oh my god, LIKES ME? whoa what a concept i know, but jeez.

[Ravens-Folklore]

i am currently having a panic attack so i came here to write it down and hope maybe getting it out calms me down.

i am having all the symptoms i normally have when i get the flu, so i contacted my two managers this morning and told them because they know already that i've been sick the last few days. i didn't think much of it at first, but i've been vomiting and having chest pain and i'm coughing so hard i can't even keep my meds down that i started today.

i didn't really get much of a response when i told them this morning that my doctors are prescribing me tamiflu, but i did /get/ a response.

later in the day i asked if i should still try to come to work tomorrow or not, because it's christmas weekend and i work at a daycare and boarding facility for dogs and we have a /lot/ of dogs boarding for christmas.

i never got a response.

so i texted later explaining that i guess i'm not coming in then, because i can't even manage to keep down my meds, let alone any food i try to eat.

still no response.

i made an appointment for tomorrow to actually get flu AND covid tested, and when i made the appointment i texted a screenshot to show them i have an appointment at 12:45 tomorrow afternoon.

again. no response.

it's now past midnight, i've heard nothing from a single person at my work other than the only other person who is out sick (who had both covid and the flu and probably gave it to me).

i get very panicky when my bosses or managers don't answer me about sick days because i don't know if they've seen it. if you don't acknowledge me i don't know that you have my shift covered, and at a job like this how am i supposed to know that someone will be there at 6:30am to let the dogs out and feed them breakfast, and that it's been communicated to them that i have the flu and will not be coming in to help them?

i already have like..the worst anxiety of anyone i know but situations like this just make me feel dread. i don't want to go to bed and wake up to 10 notifications of calls and texts from angry coworkers or a manager who claims they didn't know i wasn't coming in. i'm really trying to do my part to communicate even though i am as sick as can be. my head is killing me and i have no idea what to do. i feel like i really did try, and i just want some sort of acknowledgment that you saw my texts and have someone covering me in the morning.

god help me

[stellulite]

Never being an “important enough” person in any form of relationship is probably one, if not, the most heartbreaking thing to endure. After I dwell upon the feeling and find myself consumed by it, I ignore it, but it always comes full circle and I am reminded that I am never thought about, treated, or cared for the same way that others are. I make mistakes as any person does, but I truly believe that I put a lot of effort into maintaining and enhancing the relationships I have, while others don’t even do the bare minimum or care enough to try harder so that I do not feel this miserable. I hate that it manifests in every relationship I have, whether it be a friendship or relationship. Why is it that I am so loyal but others would ignore or replace me given the care and love I have for them, for another who does not.

[nasa]

i don’t know how but i’m constantly hurting people or
disappointing them. it’s like my existence is problematic💀

[Arlecchino ♡]

"so you're just going to be alone on christmas? give me a break."

you didn't have to say it like that. i'm sorry i'm not like your other kids.

[.Marigold.]

Never being an “important enough” person in any form of relationship is probably one, if not, the most heartbreaking thing to endure. After I dwell upon the feeling and find myself consumed by it, I ignore it, but it always comes full circle and I am reminded that I am never thought about, treated, or cared for the same way that others are. I make mistakes as any person does, but I truly believe that I put a lot of effort into maintaining and enhancing the relationships I have, while others don’t even do the bare minimum or care enough to try harder so that I do not feel this miserable. I hate that it manifests in every relationship I have, whether it be a friendship or relationship. Why is it that I am so loyal but others would ignore or replace me given the care and love I have for them, for another who does not.

This is a problem I’ve had to deal with numerous times. Unfortunately, it does not get easier.

I know many people have probably told you this, but I promise it gets easier. I thought I’d never have friends that really cared about me. However, after someone I considered a close friend ended things with me, I looked around a bit. It amazed me who came out of the well works, usually people you don’t even think about, to comfort me. Now, I realize I have amazing friends and was just looking in the wrong places.

I am sorry to say this, but you will probably continue to endure this. Just let me promise you one day you will find your people. It always takes a hard time, especially in this day and age. No one really cares about each other, we live in a very self-centered society. But if we look hard enough, we can find more people like us.

In my very short-lived experience on Chicken Smoothie, I think you can find some wonderful people here.

i don’t know how but i’m constantly hurting people or
disappointing them. it’s like my existence is problematic💀

I also went through this. You’d be surprised how much of it is perception based. You’re not as problematic as you feel you are, I promise. You might want to consider changing your outlook. Look at each situation and really think about it. What’s going on? Who’s really letting down too? If people are blaming you for everything, you may just be surrounded by bad people.

Love yourself, you’re never as bad as you seem,

[xXFoxfaceToastXx]

Getting my dream life won't really fix my depression, It's still so far away anyway. I have all the books and experience but it's a matter of money to get the space I need to farm. Even then I realize I won't be happy. How do I fix myself?