TheComfortCorner | V.9

[Soy Sauce]

I feel terrible. I cant stop stuttering and my eyes wont stop twitching. Im really uncomfortable, i hate school. Im about to cry. Now im off to eat lunch alone.

[dakotapaws]

all this arguing makes it feel like i havent left home. i dont feel safe. im just waiting for the lash outs to be directed at me for any reason at all. it feels like its my fault.

[cat.astrophe]

its been so draining these past few weeks. ive been non stop working on commissions, doing stuff for the move, selling and packing, group orders, and constant back and forth with my dad and my bestfriend.

i have so many art pieces im working on atm. i have 5 cs commissions, 2 usd commissions, and 1 secret santa piece i have to finish before i leave in less than two weeks. ive been working since i woke up and have only finished one, and i didnt even count it in the list i just mentioned. i want to drop them all and focus on making art for myself. i have so many new characters i want to draw and a new style that im progressing. but ofc i cant. i took on these commissions myself and now im facing the consequences..

im moving.. out of state, away from all my family and friends. it hasnt fully hit me yet. i just started packing and i leave in 12 days. im going to live with my boyfriend, so i wont be alone, but its feels like im doing this all for him and hes not acknowledging how hard this is for me. how im leaving everyone i know to go somewhere where all i know is him. and a few of his friends. but theyre all so much older than me. so much more experienced and ofc have been living there for ages. my mother told me shes been crying every night. ive had a constant custody battle between my mom and my dad. its only been a year since i moved away from my father and in with my mom. and now im leaving her all over again. i love her so much and i dont want to leave her just yet. dammit im crying now haha.

ive only gotten to see my bestfriend maybe twice within the last few months. ive known her since we were 9. shes the only person in my life right now that i actually call a friend. and now that im moving away, i want to see her as much as possible. but she keeps flaking, cancelling plans, leaving early. its like she doesnt want to see me. i know thats not true and shes just as busy as i am, but its so hard having to leave her. she was supposed to come over today but her car is having issues, once again. i want to just tell her, listen. im moving in 12 days, one of them being christmas. i have to see you, im going to miss you so much and i dont know when ill see you again. you see your boyfriend all the time. your constantly cancelling plans with me for your boyfriend. your boyfriend will still be there, i wont be.

now my dad. i moved out a year ago. and most of my things are still at his house. my step mom hates me and refuses to see me. so my dad tried to plan a time for me to come over and get all my stuff when she wouldnt be there. but ofc it fell through. he even told me he doesnt want me to get all my stuff because then i will have no reason to see him and i will leave them behind. which is true. i want to get my stuff back and cut him off completely. all hes done is raise me with so much trauma and abuse. and hes still doing it. still leading me on like a dog on a leash, expecting me to do whatever he says. well im not a kid anymore. those things are mine and i have every right to go and get them. i dont care if olga doesnt like me, she can suck it up. im not telling him that im moving out of state. he has no idea. so how can i stress the importance of getting my things before i leave without him changing plans for the thousandth time.

im so tired. i want to cry and hide away. but im always on facetime with my boyfriend. how do i explain all these things to him where he actually acknowledges the importance and lets me have my time? ive told him im having a bad day and that im tired and busy but all he said was "thats not a bad day youre just busy." no crap. this stuff is draining. im doing all this work for the move and youre doing barely anything. you LAUGHED at me when i was explaining how scared i am and how much anxiety i was having, saying "its cute." well shut up and listen to me. im SCARED. im ANXIOUS. im TIRED. i dont want to do this anymore. i want to cry.

[valyxa]

I wish she could stop being so invasive and controlling.
Just stop already.

[Soy Sauce]

This is one of the worst days ive had in a while. I feel terrible. I cant stop crying. I dont want to be here. I just want to be with you. All day ive been trying so hard. Im sobbing in the bathroom. I can’t breathe, its so hot, everything to close to me. I dont want to be here

[Animall]

I live with a constantly and ever-tightening knot in my stomach. Its a constant state of dread. I hate living like this. I have lost motivation for everything in my life beyond my son. Everything else is met with my own procrastination, discomfort, and shame -- but WHY?? I could pick up the pencil and start drawing again today. I could plan to do something I enjoy to do. I could start up a new show. But what do I even enjoy doing anymore? Drawing isn't fun. Being outside isn't fun. What does fun feel like anymore? What do I even like to watch? I honestly couldn't tell you. I feel genuine happiness when I look at my son but I have nothing for myself that makes me... Me. Thinking about drawing makes me anxious, but WHY? I long to have myself back but my gut tells me that everything is wrong and the only thing that's right is laying on the couch until my son wakes up again.
I've never felt so hopeless and done in my life.

I miss my cat so much. I thought I would be okay when he passed away, and I was for a while, but I miss him so much. His smell, his cuddles, the heavy vibrations of his powerful pur when I placed my head against his chest. It's my first Christmas without him and I have cried every day this month. 16 Christmases together. We met when I was 8 years and he was 8 weeks. He was my constant. Every song reminds me of my best friend and soul mate that is now gone. And it's a harsh reminder that my constant and forever friend is gone, which amplifies the loneliness I feel with all the other friends and family that have left me too. My cat, gone. My best friend, left me when I had my baby. My family, lives 2.5 hours away. My sibling, a terribly mean person now. My dad, gone. My mom, 'present' but only for my son, not for me. Annnddd fiance resents me.

I don't know a life without Phoenix. I don't know how to cope anymore. I dont know how to cope without him. When everything was shattering around me, he was always there, and always loved me. And I don't know how to forgive myself for treating him so cold during his final months. I'm so sorry Phoenix, I was a new mommy to a little human and I was just touched out and stressed. :C

[partlysocial]

I’ve lost so many people. so many people have left me, so many. everyone I’ve ever cared about has always walked out of my life without reason. and the you came along, I thought at least you’d stay. the last person I thought the same thing about left too, and you helped get over the pain of losing them. I’m still not over that, I never get over that pain. we’ve known each other for years, we’ve cried and laughed, sat in silence, listened, joked. and now your just, gone. I was having two bad days and you say I’m dry and just decided to leave after all we’ve been through. because I was sad and needed your comfort?! your just like him, you’re just like everyone one else. I’m so tired of people treating me like an object, a toy for their amusement. and they just throw me out when they decided they’re done with me. I’m done with it, I’m through, I’m tired, I’m angry, I’m sad. I just want someone one who won’t leave me, someone I can trust. but I can’t, because over the years, over the people, my trust, my innocence, everything has been taken away from me. now I’m scared to meet anyone new, because I know eventually they’ll just leave me too. but I don’t want to be alone, I don’t know what to do. I’m tired of crying, but at the same time, I wish I was able to cry like I used to be able to, get it all out in one go, not a few tears and then shut it off. I hate having breakdowns everywhere I am, but not being able to be doing anything about. I hate waiting for people to leave, so I can run off and cry. I hate it, I hate the memories that keep coming back, all the good stuff. all you ever did was insult me. so why do I still miss you? I’m hanging on by a thread, it can break if someone so much as touches it.

[tricerahttps]

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[viles]

• im just ugh,, i am feeling bad about myself and theres a few different things going through my head and like theyre different rants but at the end of the day theyre not i just hate myself and hate being me but idk what to do about it
  
  also theres some like family stuff going on idk i just dont want to deal with that but also i have to i hate being related to people shkdsf

[vi‎ ‎]

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