TheComfortCorner | V.7

[vicasterology]

today on instagram i saw a post shaming girls who wear a lot of makeup and get plastic surgeries and i posted about it on my story saying to let women do what they want because it's not your business
my friend saw it and posted on her story saying something like "everyone is beautiful you don't need surgeries and tons of makeup to prove it!!1!1"
and i posted something like "wear all the makeup you want, get all the surgeries you want. your body, your choice. if you don't like it, @ me next time."
and then she said "go ahead and get surgeries and wear makeup, but less is more."
and i said "don't say anything negative about someone else's body, it is not your right. your body is your business. my body, your friend's body, the body of the woman next to you, even kim kardashian's body, none of them are your business.
and the last thing she said on her story was "if you want to unfollow me, go ahead. if you're going to unfollow me because i said everyone was beautiful, go ahead sweetheart."
(this was all on our stories, none of it was directly said)
and now i'm just??? hurt?
she was literally one of my best internet friends and the fact that she thinks i'm that disposable is such a big slap in the face
you weren't saying everyone was beautiful. you were saying "natural" looking people were more beautiful than those who get plastic surgery or wear a lot of makeup.
and now everyone is praising her and calling her "inspirational".
literally just uploaded a birthday edit for her a few days ago, and i worked extremely hard on it, it was my first time trying some of the things in it. and in the caption i told her how much i loved and appreciated her (keeping in mind she never did anything for my birthday) and now i just want to take it all back.
idk i'm just sad ik there are people with bigger problems than a petty fight with a friend but i'm angry because she shouldn't be getting praise for this and she was the one who tried to start things with me? she's not being "positive" or "inspirational" at all.

update: she just??? sent me a dm ranting about the people replying to her story????? why is she being nice all of a sudden i'm literally about to cry for like the 10th time today
update #2: we started having a regular conversation and we're both acting like nothing happened while i'm literally holding back tears why is she doing this
update #3: i posted a rant on my story and i made it really small so no one would be able to see it and she replies "you okay? small text means sadness" really?? i wonder whose fault that is??????

[solivigant,]

Two of my friends constantly call me gay when i'm not and it's the most frustrating thing ever. Everything I do is turned against me now. Yesterday it happened to be because my Bath and Body Works scent was "too masculine". Other times it's because I don't tag people in my Instagram posts. One of them doesn't do it when the other one is around, but the other will do it whenever, which is really inconvenient because she lives down the street from me so is invited to all of our neighborhood parties and stuff which drains me as it is. Yesterday the one that lives close to me was talking to my other friend (who doesn't have anything to do to this btw), and since I didn't want to see her because she had been doing the same thing a couple nights earlier I left the room. I could hear her making closet jokes which made me want to disappear even more. Then she said the whole Bath and Body Works thing followed by "see, this is why we think you're gay!" and I lost it. I told her to * off and locked myself in another room. When I went back to talk to her about it a half hour or so later she just said "sorry" and moved on with whatever she was doing. My best friend was texting me and helping me through the entire time, but I don't know what i'm going to do if it keeps happening.

[seventh scripture]

i lost this math packet and it's due tomorrow ahh
this isn't that serious but im kinda getting nervous

[Marley.&.Me]

M,

You’re so much better off without someone like me. All I do is drag you down and hurt you. I’m sorry I made you stay away from your friends, shut them out. You didn’t have to, though. I’m nobody special.

I never expected you to be here for me like you are. I thank you for being a great friend to me.

But you deserve so much better and it hurts that i can’t seem to let go...

i’m drowning in pain... and i shouldn’t be but i think i just got caught up and confused....

i hope you can forgive me for what i’ve done

[snubbulls]

I'm so sick of being constantly ignored?? People only talk to me when I've done something wrong. I have no one to talk to about my feeling and the truth is I'm more depressed than ever.

My mom promised she'd get me a therapist but that was a year ago and I have no one. I don't want to bring it up because she'll just yell at me and my dad will come in and ground me. I just want help. I need help.

I must be unlovable if my own mother doesn't even like me.

[winged-backpack]

So it's mock exam week this week at school and I am dreading it. I know the content, im not worried about getting the grades or anything.

It's just I have misophonia which means that everyone in my year (and the year below) who have colds right now are going to make me want to rip my own face off. Literally the sound of people sniffling, or even breathing too loudly, makes me so angry that I can barely stop myself from trembling. I hate that I'm like this, but I've looked it up and there's basically no cure for it. I'm going to be trapped in rooms with these people for 2-2 1/2 hours at a time all week and it's going to take such a toll on my mental capacity...

I'm constantly on the verge of a mental breakdown from all this, to the point where I'm seriously considering getting a note from a doctor or a therapist so that I can do my summer exams in a room away from everyone else because it's so taxing on my mental health. Of course I'd actually have to get up the courage to go to a therapist before I could do that...

And to top it all off, the ceiling in the sixth form common room has leaked over my revision. Twice. I'm just so done and ready for this week to be over.

Okay yesterday wasn't so bad, but I'm already on the verge of yelling at people today. I've not been in school for 20 minutes and already one of the people whom I hate is sitting there sniffling and sniffling. And I know this guy can control it because it's not like yesterday when I could tell they had colds, this guy is just being overdramatic. I can tell even more because when he's doing something on his laptop he stops doing it altogether???

I can hear how petty and rude I'm sounding but I really have a problem with it. Believe me I wish I didn't, but I can't do anything about it until after next week (I know if I go to the doctor they'll put me on SSRIs which means I won't be able to drink at this over 18s thing where I kind of would like to be able to drink)...ugh

EDIT: I definitely just flunked my English exam. I've never gotten any grade below a C and I'm really not in a good place right now.

Also sorry for posting here a lot, I'm just venting because I can't really do it in real life.

[ELDER]

argh. this schoolday was supposed to be relaxed and laid back since we have exams (we leave early) and for the most part, it was. until i got out to leave for my bus. immediately after opening the exit door, this kid collides/rams into me, and i fall and scrape my knee really badly. i could tell it was bleeding because it hurt really hecking bad, seriously. the first thing i do is get up and look for who did it + an apology, but all i'm left with is a group of teenage students laughing/giggling at me. i think i even saw some people taking phones out and taking pictures/ or recording. ugh i still feel really embarrassed. anyway i find the guy and im looking at him saying "do i need to ask for an apology?" and bc this guy was roughhousing with his buddies, he kinda just looks back at them, laughs, and then gives me a blank stare kinda. it felt like he was saying "blame them not me haha lol". then and there i decided to just walk away to my bus bc i just didnt want to get involved any further. once im walking away he comes up to me with my water bottle that fell out of my backpack and he's like "you dropped your water bottle" and internally im like "uh no. someone collided into me - I didnt drop it." . whats more is that he didnt even apologize, even when given the second chance to. i know i shouldnt be making a huge deal about him saying sorry and all that, but if you 'accidentally' collide into someone, and they get hurt pretty badly, at least have the decency of seeing if said person is ok or not. geeeez. but anyway i just sat in the bus feeling really gloomy and angry that i didnt even get a "sorry" or "my bad". and im even more embarrassed that people here at my school are really quick to record/take pictures of people without their regards.

[spooks.]

I am going to cry.

so I told my dad that my best friend and I want to run a 5k.
we want to do the "race for the cure" because one of our old teachers has been diagnosed with breast cancer.
so my dad told me "cool. tell your friend we'll pay for her if she wants to do it."
so I did. I told my bestfriend that we'll pay for her registration if she wants to do the marathon with us.
that was all like, two or three weeks ago? so we've been training.
and then today, my mother tells me that we probably won't be able to afford it, and that my dad really shouldn't have promised it.

Just.ugh.
it's in may. so maybe by then we'll have a little bit of money?

i don't want to tell my friend. because she is working so hard.
and her parents have already thanked me, because they couldn't afford to pay for it.
and we have already told people as well.

so i really don't want to crush her like that. i feel horrible.
i also feel mad at my dad because he told me we could, and that he would pay for it.
but his irresponsible spending habits have caused us to completely run out of money.

i feel bad for being angry with him, but he knew that we couldn't afford it and still lied to me about it.
and it has put me in a really tough spot.
i really really truly hope that by the time the marathon comes along, we will be able to pay for all three of us.


And today i was talking with my mom, and normally she refers to my dad as "dad".
but today she was talking about how they're drifting apart, and how they don't talk anymore.
and she was referring to him as "your dad".
i know this probably doesn't even mean anything, but it just gave me a weird feeling.

also, apparently my dad failed to mention the marathon plans to my mom.
so she kind of got mad at me when it came up.
like, she actually got mad at me for it.
i honestly thought she knew. but apparently she didn't.
and she was angry with me for wanting to run a 5k.


i am upset.

[danheng]

when finals make you lose your will to function

[critter]

my friend has to break up my relationship for me.

what's wrong with me?