TheComfortCorner | V.9

[chateau]

i desperately wish my "two almonds a day" mother would stop comparing myself to her. stop with the "you should go running" "you shouldn't eat that" "are you sure you need that?" etc
shes insane
she makes me hate myself

[viles]

• i feel pressured. i feel...ugh. writing this is pointless ive already had the breakdown i just wanted a post to remember it for future me when ive moved past this to look on and be like 'hahah we've gotten over that' but i've been stuck in this place for three years i dont feel like im ever gonna be able to get out
  
  i just,,, okay,, i will try to write it out:
  i am embarrassed of my life. i don't want to write out everything here as some of it is personal,, but idk,, im just im not working and i still live with my parents,, and i know i need to do things but i dont do them and i feel bad that i dont do them and its a cycle and every time i feel like im starting to break out of the cycle,, like theres a way out,, and a future for me,, i mess everything up and end right back in the dead center of the cycle and i just,, idk,, idk what to do or how to feel,, ive done some things,, like i found myself a therapist, but they ended up being a dud,,, and idk i dont think theres any therapists who specialize in autism in the area,, and i really dislike online therapy and i just,,, i am watching videos of people my age Accomplishing Things and i happy for them, i truly am,, but i am just filled with a disgust towards myself that i can't even...work a remote job? and not like,, i Physically Can't like i just wont yk im just lazy there's no excuse,,, but yeah idk its not a disgust towards myself,, it's more apathetic than that,, because i think disgust can be an excellent motivator yk? but instead this is just,, it settles with me as i lay in my own filth (is that too gross of a metaphor kjdshfksjdhf) im just,, i want to blame my parents for not knowing i was autistic,, i want to blame them for not teaching me to Human,, but its my fault and blaming them or me isnt going to do anything bc of course that's just the cycle i just need to Do Things and stop being such a lazy spoiled kid but i wont bc yk,,, lazy and spoiled and all that jdhsfkshfd its easy not to think about this most of the time which is what makes it better,, yk i can just Live in my room,, it's not much of a life sure but it's,,, free of responsibility,,, and for the most part free of Annoying Emotion,,, it's just nights like these when my,,, Emotions dig in deep and refuse to be ignored,,, well thats not it bc i dont feel them most of the time skdjfh i feel...okay most of the time and i think that scares me more than anything else,,, the possibility that the things i say about myself are actually true,, that it's not mental illness and neglect,, that im just a lazy spoiled awful person who refuses to better themselves because they're comfortable living the life they live,, not happy mind you but comfortable
  
  well,, okay i feel worse SDJFKSDKHF,,

[vi‎ ‎]

x

[TheThinWhiteDukey]

If you're feeling blue, you need rain for a rainbow. If you're stressed, it spells DESSERT backwards. Cheer up! Everything will be ok!

[tomocolle]

i've cried way too much over how ai art is becoming more and more present. it feels like the 11 years of my life i've spent since i was very little, developing my skill as an artist, and now after more than a decade finally reaching a point where i'm happy with my art style, was all for absolutely nothing. i spent many years aspiring to become a concept artist, and i was already insecure about this future goal due to the fact that i'd probably be mistreated and underpaid in this kind of workspace because i'm a woman, and now finding out that game companies (which is what I wanted to work for) are using ai art for concepts absolutely crushed me. it feels like i have no future going for me now, and everything else i wanted to pursue (and every subject i chose for gcse, and now it's too late to change my subjects) is now also becoming replaced by ai. what's the point? why am i even drawing now when i realise nothing worthy is going to come of it? why do i even try in my gcse art classes when i know no matter what grade i'll get, it'll be absolutely worthless by the time i'm old enough to start my career, or even higher education? what's the point???

[Guest]

do you know how petty and annoying you are?

[valyxa]

My heart aches, even though we're still together. I didn't know it was possible to miss someone, even when they're still beside you.

I miss who he used to be, I miss that version of him so incredibly much.

[rover]

My heart aches, even though we're still together. I didn't know it was possible to miss someone, even when they're still beside you.

I miss who he used to be, I miss that version of him so incredibly much.

this is me, but i am "him." i miss the old version of myself too, and i don't know... how to go back to that..? i can't take steps backwards or like... forget. press the undo button. my mind is wired the way it is now and i just... wish it were otherwise. i wish i was just the old me so we could be happy. my "so" (we are currently on a break) hasn't really changed the way like i have... i'm the issue and we used to be happy but now i'm the problem. i just. at this point i see myself irredeemable, not because i don't want to try but because i think i myself as a person am now incompatible for them. although i am/was definitely not the best partner in the world, i want/ed to try for this person... but knowing/thinking i am a "worse" version now just. hurts. it's not so much the honeymoon phase; i'm literally different now and it hurts us. "i hate myself."

[Soy Sauce]

I dont feel good

[❦Acidic-Tea❦]

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