Nimblestep wrote:Lexilias Raylin wrote:Okay, so I'm already going out with someone but there's another guy who said that he liked me and everything but eventually got over me so now we are just friends but he keeps coming up to me everyday asking for hugs and rubs my face and always compliments me on how I look. It doesn't mind my bf ( which I don't get how) but it bothers me and I don't know how to get him off my back without hurting his feelings. But I don't wanna just not say anything because it bugs me and makes me feel like I'm cheating or something.
Any ideas?
It seems to me like you're kinda leading him on. By letting him do it without reacting right away (or at all) you're letting him think you're ok with it. He obviously still really likes you, and hasn't let you go. It doesn't sound like he has malicious intent by flirting with you and trying to get closer to you, so that's good. At least he's not trying to break you two up.
What you need to do is next time he does something like that (flirting, touching, etc) you need to gently remind him that you have a boyfriend. A simple, "Hey, I have a boyfriend, remember?" will do for now. If he keeps it up after that, which I'm positive he will, you can go a bit more on the rough side. Try something more harsh, like, "Hey. I have a boyfriend, could you lay off a bit?" just go a bit harsher every time. Don't be too mean, you don't want to totally scare him because you don't want to hurt his feelings. But this kind of guy isn't going to lay off until you get the picture across. It seems to me like he's going to keep it up every time you're nice to him; if he doesn't get that you don't like it you might have to lose his friendship. I know it;s tough, but if it bothers you he's gonna have to go.
It's totally ok to feel like you're cheating, it's instinct. By most standards, you're not cheating, and you're not. But him doing those things are making you feel like you are, and that's normal. It is a little odd that your boyfriend is ok with it, but some guys are just that way. (Or he could be having an off day and he's low on testosterone c; xD)
Kecko wrote:How do you know if I guy likes you?
You know, it really depends. Here are a few helpful videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJe_C-iF3Bk (This guy's a genius.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqF_PtugyBk (This one is pretty cool too.
)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxbTHKQm00g (This one is how to get girls to like you, but if a guy is doing this stuff around you he most likely likes you.)
So, I really hope those help you.
That first one really says it all, I suggest you all give it a watch.
Nellas Lissësúl wrote:Nimblestep, you give really good advice. Could you help me out?
I'm a little troubled, because, well, I know of two or three guys who definitely like me, and two or three guys who not-for-sure but probably do. And I'm friends with all of those guys but two, one who I don't really like and the other I'm really good friends with. But the rest of the guys, well, I'm friends with them, like I said, but I just don't like them. And I'm assuming they all know by now who I do like, (that's M, who I'm really good friends with) and I want them all to know that while we're friends, I don't want anything more than that, except I've only ever said that to one of them... But the truth is, as much as I feel about M, I'm not sure whether he still likes me or not, and he's really busy after school and stuff right now and his parents banned electronics at a certain time during the day and at swim practice we're not in the same lane and we don't get a chance to talk anyways... I just don't know anymore.
What should I do?
First of all, d'awww :') Thank you! I really just try to help. That just made my day. ^.^
Second of all, I can relate to you. We're pretty much in the same boat, except my M is a J and I know that he likes me. But everything else is the same. I'm nearly positive that most of them know I like J, in fact one of them said to J that he didn't like him anymore. When J asked him why he said "I just don't". J was sitting next to me at the time. -_- Stupid boys.
Anyways, onto you. I could tell you that you need to tell them all that you don't like them, but I haven't told my guys either. I see them all the time, so it would be SUPER weird if I had to tell them that I DON'T like them. (Not to mention all three of them are friends -_-) If you're not in this situation though, and it wouldn't be as weird to see them again if they knew, you probably could tell them. However, since they know you like M, they really should be laying off anyways, and they aren't being very good friends by continuing to openly have feelings for you.
Lucky for you, this isn't going to be a, "I just want to be friends" type of thing, so you get to text them. You have to put aside the "I just want to be friends", and move onto the "I like M, you know I like M, so why are you hurting me by liking me?" This is really going to be the way to go. It may sound slightly mean, but it's the truth, right? They are hurting you, in a way, and if they really do know that you like M then they would let you go. That's what the
right guy would do. You can look at it like they're just ignorant and you don't want to hurt their feelings, but how you should be looking at it is they're liking you without your interests at heart. If they were really worth your time (as boyfriends, not friends) then they would accept that you don't like them and move on, to please you. (Unfortunately, most guys would do this, but a surprising amount will.)
So, text them or facebook them and ask them (1 by 1) why they still like you when they know you like someone else. You don't have to say that you like M. In fact, I advise you don't. Saying his name straight out automatically makes him public enemy number 1 for these guys, even if they already know that it's him. Then again, not hearing it from your mouth (or hands, lol) is giving them hope that they've got a chance, so you could drop M's name and make them realize you're serious. It's a win-lose/win-lose situation either way, that bit's up to you.
If you need any more help feel free to ask, I really hope this helped and good luck!
EDIT:
For everyone to read. I should mention to you girls/guys that asking someone out by note is not always the way to go. It works for some people, but often it doesn't. The worst ting about a note, is you don't get it back even if you get rejected. Being rejected after sending a note is the worst type of rejection, as they can keep the note and show it to their friends or read it over and over again and laugh at it again and again. Face to face is always much better for getting together with someone, as it's much more personal and rejection is not nearly as awful. Plus, if it's a note it gives them time to mull it over, and that often leads to the wrong choice on their part. Snap decisions are usually the best when it comes to this sort of thing, so when you ask someone out on the spot it gets their mind whirling and they'll most likely say what they really mean, without having to think about it for ages. Snap decisions may not be the best for math homework, but when it comes to love it's the only way to go. (Humans are a bit to stupid to really know what they feel, so if they get to think about it all their feelings will get muddled up and they may say yes when they mean no or vise versa. c;)
EDIT 2: Oh yeah, and if you break up with someone by note you're just a jerk. Don't do that. If you do that, they get to read the heart-breaking letter over and ever and over again. You're just being a crude cowered if you send a text or letter to end a relationship. It makes them feel like they don't deserve a face to face discussion about why you don't want to be with them anymore; it makes it seem like you feel they were a waste of your time. Even if you do feel that way, you should never tell someone that.
