Dear, well.. anyone who cares.
Look, I hate it all okay? I'm sorry I'm not perfect, I'm not pretty, thin, smart, funny, amazing
Nothings ever gunna change that, ever. Even though I try, day after day. I try to lose weight, find ways to be prettier and smarter. But nothing ever works. I see people in magazines and all I can think is; "Why don't I look like them?"
I hate my laugh, my smile, my everything and I know I sound like I'm whining, attention seeking. But I need to get this off my chest.
I hate the fact that you can just so easily talk to people about all this sh t that's been going on. When I try to talk to someone, I feel judged, scared, vulnerable.
"If you miss me, I am just a phone call away. Be strong, be strong for me."
That's the one thing I want someone to say to me. Someone who doesn't read this, who just thinks I'm actually worth it. even if I'm not. I wrote a suicide letter last night, it's covered in tear stains, just like my pillow. I wish you would care, make a notion to at least let me know you do. I told you everything, well almost and all you can say is; "Leave a letter lying around or something, I dunno" You know how I am about my body but you say; "You look preggos! Lol! Jokes!" I don't care if it's a joke. It hurts. Epically when you pretend to be the guy I like, texting me and I get excited because I thought, maybe, just maybe he wanted to talk to me. See how I was. But nope, your mother and you decided it'd be funny to play a trick on me, your "best friend."
It hurts. Because, wow. Surprisingly I have feelings too!
I'm sick of all this, all of you, all of her, all of him. All of me.
From the girl who wants the guts to end it.
"There are many types of monsters that scare me: Monsters who cause trouble without showing themselves, monsters who abduct children, monsters who devour dreams, monsters who suck blood and then, monsters who tell nothing but lies. Lying monsters are a real nuisance: They are much more cunning than others. They pose as humans even though they have no understanding of the human heart; they eat even though they've never experienced hunger; they study even though they have no interest in academics; they seek friendship even though they do not know how to love. If I were to encounter such monsters, I would likely be eaten by them because in truth, I am that monster."- L Lawliet.