TheComfortCorner | V.9

[emgore]

not talking to you has been the most freeing experience. even if this isn't the first time, this will be the last. i have moved on. life without you is bliss. i feel no need to hear you humble me, or disapprove of my character, because i know indefinitely that this is how it should be--you and i on different paths, ceasing contact, and living our lives without each other. i do not wonder how you are doing. i do not wonder whether i have hurt your feelings. i do not feel the need to explain myself. i simply do not care.

i think this was the best way to make you realize that we were not meant to be friends. maybe i'm wrong, maybe somehow you would be ample enough to hear me out, but from personal experience, you rarely ever did such a thing. so i am not taking my chances. there were good moments, but when i look back at the times where we struggled, they were much more eye-opening to me than i think you realize.
at this point in time, i simply wish you can eventually find peace within yourself. but that is all i have left for you.

[iHolli]

{essentially lost my car today. it's so silly to be devastated about a car but that's... We've been through so much together, you know? She got me here, we've been across the country twice, I learned to drive with that car, it's got all my stickers and my custom tag and everything. like this is my pride and joy and I can't drive it anymore bc I can't afford any more repairs, because I don't just have a couple grand lying around for a new transmission, and I'm so, so upset. It feels so silly to be crying and upset about a car but here I am. It feels like losing a part of me. And she really is. Everyone knows her. Possums in front, rats in back, pride decals and my favorite sports team logo. My car is like another display of me and...I don't get to have that anymore, away from home.}
{I'm just at such a loss. I'm so devastated. Yeah I can use my partner's family car and it's nice and all but it's not...the same... I'll find a rat plushie to put in the back window I guess, maybe that will help. But it hurts.}
{It's such a silly thing to be so upset about. isn't it?}

.Holli.

[Relara]

-

[.rin okumura.]

Sorry for the wall of text, but I have so much to get off my chest...

My life feels like it's falling apart.

I'm set to move back to my university town in January to resume college after taking a break due to my health. I was so excited about it, but I can't find an apartment to rent that is within my budget. The ones that do, don't allow animals and while I know it's my right to have my ESA with me, I don't want to have to go through the battle to get approved for an apartment. I know that legally they can't refuse my animal as that would be discriminatory, but I always get the same response when I apply; "Sorry, we found another tenant to lease this property". While that could very well be true, it still feels like they will take another person over me despite having an excellent renter's history. Plus, I get paid pretty much peanuts for the work that I do, so I can't afford to be picky, but I also know that my mental health will tank if I can't take my ESA with me.

Second thing is the ridiculous car market right now. I need a vehicle as the city I am moving too is not easily walkable and the car I've been borrowing from my grandparents needs to be returned to them. But everything is 12k or above in my area and I can't afford that right now. I tried purchasing a car on FB marketplace, but that was an absolute nightmare and I don't think I could do that again (it's a long story. Those were the longest 8 hours of my life and while I got the majority of my money back, I highly doubt I'll see the other 500 USD again....)

Third thing, my ... ehhem.. horrible ex-boyfriend apparently just moved back to the same college town I'm supposed to move to about 3 weeks ago. At first I thought it was just a rumor, but my brother's frat members confirmed that it was indeed real. I had unfortunately had the first panic attack I've had in over a year. I went through so much therapy and worked incredibly hard to get to where I am, only for him to move to the ONE place he swore he never wanted to go back to. I'm so upset, as the town is incredibly small and I am guaranteed to run into him. My anxiety gets extremely high when I just see pictures of him, I'm scared to find out what happens when I see him in person out in public somewhere.

Fourth thing, which is not nearly as bad and/or pressing as the first three. I've gone on roughly 32 first dates this year.. I'm a hopeless romantic who still believes in true love and that I'll find my person despite everything my ex put me through. But I keep getting ghosted... or if I'm not ghosted they don't want to pursue anything. It's typically because of my weight. Sure, I had a few who had other reasons such as moving, or getting back together with an ex, but if I had a dollar for everytime I heard "I really like your personality, but I just don't like chubby girls", I'd be able to afford a car (lol). I try to be optimistic about everything, but after getting rejected so many times in a row, for nearly the exact same reason every time, it starts to put a damper on your spirits. :c
Everyone tells me that I'm young and I'll have plenty of time to find a life partner, but when I'm told that, it just makes me feel... idk like what I'm feeling right now isn't valid? I know people are just trying to help and trying to make me feel better, but when I hear that "advice" it just sounds more like "Oh, well you shouldn't complain about this because you're young so you don't know anything. You can't feel lonely because you have time to wait." I know that seems silly, and again, I know people mean well when they say that, but it makes my feel invalidated you know? Plus, I lost roughly 50 pounds and am still continuing to lose weight (I'm sitting at 180 and about 5' 5" for reference). I lost weight for myself as I wanted to feel confident in my clothes again, but when these guys reject me for being chubby, I still feel like that obese girl I was a year ago.


Well, I'm done for now. There is so much more, but not any I want to share. If you read my whole block of text, thank you. I feel like a burden on others when I share my life stressors, so if you purposefully chose to read this, I sincerely thank you ♥

[Electronia]

why. why am i such a fool. it all hurts so badly. i don't deserve this, to be alone, crying, i didnt expect this. i feel so stupid.

[rover]

psychologically and emotionally.

[×Seven of Nine×]

Having an autoimmune disorder and an infection at the same time isn’t a great mix.
Having a terrible time here.

[crashedOut]

being uncomfortable with my own identity because other people dont like it even though it doesnt affect them is definitely an interesting and not very enjoyable feeling

[Guest]

,

[Cassini]

Having an autoimmune disorder and an infection at the same time isn’t a great mix.
Having a terrible time here.

I'm so sorry, that sounds not fun at all :,) I'm also going back on my immuniosuppressant medication because of autoimmune issues, so I can relate to the annoyance of getting hit hard and frequently by illnesses