TheComfortCorner | V.10

[demodog]

snip

[Soy Sauce]

“I will love you forever and like you for always. As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be”
This book crushed my soul.

[basil!]

tw for internalized ableism, probably

im a burden for being disabled.
this is an objective fact. i cannot handle things by myself that an adult should easily be able to handle. i cannot support my parents or my little brother, i cannot help my friends, because i can't even help myself. all i do is complain to the people i trust enough about how hard of a time im having, and i know it wears on them, and i dont know who to go to.
no one has the time or energy to help me do the things i struggle with, and the more i force myself to push through pain the worse everything gets. my brain is so overwhelmed its literally shut down and im severely dissociated half of the time at this point. i keep feeling so hurt and upset becauase i dont know what to do and i want to escape but theres nowhere to go. i just sit in the bathroom realizing that i will never get the help and understanding i so desperately crave because its not something other people are able to give me. they dont have the resources to be the support i need. im not going to be treated kindly when i struggle to get up or eat or take care of myself every other day. people get tired of it. people dont see anyhting obviously wronng with me and they dont believe me. i think all ive ever craved is that kindness and understanding. its why i started to read fanfics where the characters can be treated this way.
in the end, i have to help myself, and i dont know if im even capable of that.
i dont want to be a burden. i know that this is never going to go away. no matter how much i am aware of my limitations, i cant accept them. im not fit to live in this world.
im at a loss.

[onion]

i miss you dr. greene..... rip fuzzy butt may 2008 - january 2024 :(( i love you sm my handsome mans have fun up there with george...

[♥ mizu]

why did you have kids in your 50s :( i love you but i'm going to live most of my life without you

[yharnam boy]

on the brink of insanity

[scottermite]

he's so indescribably far away. that's never really bothered me before but it does now, and i don't know why. i just want to be close to him, to talk to him, to reach out and touch his skin or his hair and know that he's real. i guess it's a search for affirmation in my tunnel-vision fixation on him. maybe someone ... i dont know, somehow acknowledging my overwhelming obsession for him in a way that matters (- maybe a comment on how dysfunctional it is, at least?), but when i only really talk to one person the responses whenever i bring him up aren't very varied. :^(
and i know that it's dysfunctional and weird. and that i'm engaging in deeply parasocial behaviours that are probably not very good for me (judging by the fact i can't stand the idea of him "noticing" me, for one) but i just can't really bring myself to care. i mean, about anything but especially this. he's the one thing that can make me smile. he's the only thing which makes me actually tangibly happy. i can't go cold turkey because the world would be so gray without him but i can't keep him because i'm terrified i'll get bored of him or learn something that will be the straw that breaks the camels back when it comes to my justifying/ignoring/taking with a grain of salt, his behaviours.
sigh. i just really like him. every time i see or hear him i feel like a man possessed. he's so great and so talented and gosh. (i keep looking over to the poster of him on my wall and it makes me feel so much that i have to look away. i keep replaying this album and the opener is a silly little skit and it makes me so so happy every time i hear it!!!!)
i feel a little hopeless when it comes to him. i don't want to lose him but i know i can't keep him. i guess i'll just try not to think about it ...

[Soy Sauce]

I got a job

[♥ mizu]

GET OUT OF MY LIFE AND GET OUT OF MY ROOM. YOU MAKE EVERYONE AROUND YOU UNHAPPY.

[♥ mizu]

my insecurity is so bad. i'm so self conscious and i can't take a compliment when it comes to appearance.

ok so for reference my class has 6 people in it. we were in math class. i am friends with all of them btw. my friends jenna and yvonne were sitting together like usual whatever. they speak chinese and i'm the only native english speaker in the class - we're all from different cultures so this might be normal in china. we are good friends i think. but i came back from the bathroom and i noticed them pointing and giggling at me? like they just sat there giggling and i KNEW they were talking about me. my insecurity told me that they were calling me ugly. but no yvonne messaged me on insta and told me they were calling me pretty and that my hair looked nice behind my ears? but i can't believe them. because a) no it doesn't and b) why are we giggling!

idk i'm an extremely self conscious person. i wish that my mind didn't immediately go to the worst possible thing when i see people giggling.

also i was getting into my car with my dad and like. this guy was getting into his car beside us and he was STARING at me. like directly in the eye. he got into the back seat of his car and was staring at me THROUGH OUR WINDOWS and like. he turned his head just to look at me?? like i don't think i know him because he looked like he was in his 60s. but like man what r u doing