TheComfortCorner | V.8

[mthorsewhisperer]

I'm getting spinal surgery on August 8th to fix my scoliosis. I cant tell if I am nervous about it or my mind is just covering it up and ignoring the fact that my skin and muscles are going to be ripped away from my spine, the facet joints an spinous processes will be cut out, screws be drilled into the vertebrae, and metal rods attached to the screws. I feel indifferent about it, like it's in the future. My mind doesn't actually realize it's only a month away. It doesn't help that one of my close friends literally rolls her eyes and scoffs at me whenever i try to talk about it. like im sorry, im only having spinal surgery. Im sorry that i took 1 minute of your precious time to talk about a scary event that's going to happen to me. No, we can only talk about you and what you are going through. I'm tired of burning myself out on people who don't care about me and don't put any effort into being my friend.

sorry I know i probably sound like a total wuss. i'm sure lots of people have worse problems than me.

I realize i brought up 2 different things, sorry if it's hard to understand

[dustnbones]

im okay now

[/////]

I can’t stop crying. I cry silently to myself for no reason at all. It’s getting to the point where I can’t sleep and I really don’t know what to do.

You need help?

[Spearow]

I'm so conflicted I really could use some advice deciding what to do next...

I'll have to change some of this conversation I had because I kind of blew up on someone but it wasn't unjustified. Anything that has been changed from the original conversations I'll underline to signify the words were changed. I've been having problems at work with one of my managers that has hated me since we were kids (let's call them C).

My managers in order of highest position of power to lowest: A, B, C (the one I have problems with), D, E, F.

I was planning on talking to A about how C treats me, and C was off this particular day. The two are friends so I thought it would be a good chance to talk to A alone. I was talking to a coworker about how C is out for my blood and she cryptically said C is not the only one. So, long story short one of the other people that have been talking about me is A, the highest ranking manager. My coworker told me that they were talking about how they didn't want me there. I didn't react, but I was really bothered because I thought A liked me at least somewhat.

I'd like to point out, I'm never late except for one or two times when traffic made me at most 3 minutes late. I have called off work a total of 2 times in four years. Once because I was bitten by a brown recluse and had to have the wound drained of blood and puss. Secondly, I was violently ill one day.

Back to story time. I decided not to confront A until the end of my shift. Only managers A, D, and E were here this day. We carry walkie talkies and over the walkie A asked a coworker if he wanted to extend until closing. He declined, he had plans. Then A asked if anyone wanted to extend, no one replied. And I had plans anyways otherwise I'm always the first to offer to stay.

By the time my break rolls around my anxiety and temper is explosive, I texted my mom and said I was probably going to quit at the end of my shift and probably make a scene as well. I still had about an hour and a half left of my shift when A approaches me during my break and asks if I want to extend. I impulsively snapped "no". And she looked taken aback, because I don't usually speak like that or in that tone in public and especially not at work. She said "okay" and started to walk off but I guess I decided it was time to talk.

I said "from what people are saying some people that don't want me here anyways." She looked like a deer in headlights. And the anxiety attack I was trying to push down couldn't be repressed anymore. She began asking who said that and who didn't want me there. To which I said "Well you're one of them." Instead of denying it, she says it was probably "misconstrued". How does that get misconstrued? I scoffed, she kept talking and I got up and went to my locker. I took the rest of my anxiety pills I had with me and finished my Monster drink (I know totally healthy combo). The last thing I said to her was: "Every time you say something about someone, it eventually gets back to that person." I don't even remember what she was saying I had totally blocked her out at that point. But I walked out of the break room and left her standing there. When I'm upset people always think I'm angry, and I was angry and hurt so I can imagine I probably looked murderous. I felt stupid for misjudging her character.

I finished the rest of my shift deceptively avoiding A at all costs, actually I avoided all of them pretty well. When it was time to clock out E was waiting in the back for me. E has anxiety and depression too, I can read it on her face. But I've never mentioned it. She asked to speak with me before I left, and she's a friend (but what do I know). I guess I could have walked out then but I agreed and in the office we went.

E began saying how A was "sick" about what happened. But that's not really my fault now is it? I said well she didn't even deny she said it she just wanted to know how it got back to me. E began tentatively trying to ask who the person was. I'm not one to lie. So when I lied it surprised even me. I said I wouldn't say who it was and that I had been texting someone on my break. This was my attempt to keep them from suspecting anyone that was at work that day. I told her I wouldn't tell them who the person was because then they'll be treated badly too. Then I told E: "The other managers treat you like this too." She just nodded, and asked me what i wanted to do. We talked for like an hour.

Now I don't know what to do, should I quit without having something else lined up first? I don't think my pride could stand it if I went back to that place. I don't ever want to go back, but I fear change and I like the familiarity. I was only given one day this week though, and one next week. It strikes a nerve that they are trying to make me quit on my own. And I don't want to give in, but also its not doing any good staying. They've been rejecting all my offers to cover shifts and cutting my hours. I hate giving them what they want. I still live with my parents after finishing college so I'm not going to go homeless if I quit without having something else lined up. It's just stressful and makes me feel even more unstable than I am.

What should I do? Could someone reply or pm me please?

[Shinedown.]

why is it so hard to keep a long distance relationship? he said he couldn't do it anymore, it hurts, knowing i cared more then anything about him but he didn't care about me, one top of that my mom got my report card for the end of the school year and i had straight f's and so i woke up to being dumps and my mom calling my a f up, this whole month has just been bad

[farewell]

I know I shouldn't wish this on myself because at the end of the day, it would cause me more stress in my life. But maybe I just want something to focus on, something to do, I don't know. I'm so tired of feeling this emptiness constantly.

[halo7]

.

[symbols]

Muscle spasms. Ouch.

[kxLJM]

always great when the only person you want to talk to acts like they have better things to do

[cece.]

i just saw a petition to raise money for this dog that has to have reconstructive surgery because someone put fireworks in his mouth
and i just...
it hurts knowing that there are people out there that are willing to hurt another being, whether it be human or an animal, and feel no mercy.