TheComfortCorner | V.8

[woes]

I came to a good compromise, I think.
Only talk when spoken to.
It feels better but part of me still feels like I'm talking too much.
No one wants to talk to me, and when they do I always overstay my welcome.
I wish I could just go silent.
People wouldn't like me but they wouldn't have to put up with me either.
I feel so lost.

[Starwood in Aspen]

I just love having incompetent group members, first i had a group roast me alive in a group chat I was a part of this time last year and Now....THIS. I swear they must have been communicating together (Both water science majors) and then never offered me any help just assumed I was riding their coattails and even after I did WHAT I WAS LEFT WITH ON OUR GROUP PROJECT Never put my name on it... This is a massive final project... Sure. I'm getting a B+ In the class but I NEEED These grades to graduate.... From College.... If I don't get my diploma because some group messed it up for me.... I'm probably gonna cry not going to lie. I'm already missing my optional final tomorrow because I need to work on a 2nd essay paper. Its enough to drive a person crazy. I thought the final semester in college was supposed to be easy....

[hiero]

I think I have just become aware of a major flaw(?) of mine. It's kind of frustrating to me which is why I am posting here, but I guess it's also a good thing because now I can work on fixing it. I suppose it's useful sometimes, but in general it is so, so detrimental to my mood and QOL. It explains why I so easily get addicted to things.

I get fixated on something.. I can't quit. I am stuck. It's so hard and even aggravating to stop. It causes a flood of negative thoughts and feelings to stop whatever I am currently fixated on. Probably why I'm on CS more than I used to be lately. It's my current fixation. This is with everything in my life. Normal things that everyone feels the same way about... e.g. sleep... and everything else ranging from painting (I refuse to stop for anything including eating or sleeping before I can finish a piece of artwork) to cleaning. Explains why it's so difficult for me to focus on other things sometimes.. my mind is stuck on my fixation. I guess I'll just have to kick its ass like I did anxiety's. Watch out, obsessiveness. I'm coming for ya.

[cheetyuh]

im literally so annoying :')

I can'tstop talking or bothering people and I just hngngnghh

[WildChild46]

I feel like i'm pushing my friends away because of what I say and I don't even mean to because I want whats best for my friend. My best friend has been struggling with depression and she hasn't been eating but now ever since she stopped hanging out with this boy ive never met, shes been binge eating everything and I told her that's not very healthy and that all the food shes been eating costs her like $10 every day just at school which is a lot and adds up quickly if shes eating everyday at school. And I just wanted her to know that because when we're older, i know its gonna be hard for her to live on her own, binge eating on all the chips she could possibly eat will cost her so much money that I know that i wont even be able to afford all these chips. and she always calls herself fat even though she is literally below average weight for her age and I think that she is so pretty and I feel like once I said that stuff to her, I feel awful because Im afraid that she thinks that I think she is fat even when she is not at all. I also feel like everytime I open my mouth, people are just so annoyed with me because everyone either sighs or just yells at me to be quiet or no one even acknowledges that i exist. And I feel like i cant say anything about being lonely anymore because I met someone who likes me back but ever since I told him about something that people make fun of me for, he doesn't know whether or not if he likes me anymore but then i told him that it was ok if he didnt like me bc of my flaws and he instantly replied back about how i shouldnt say that i have flaws bc im such a great person and i'm pretty and stuff like that but that still doesn't let me know whether or not if he likes me and i haven't talked to him in days and now im kinda waiting if he will ever text me first. no one has ever texted me first which is another reason why i feel like i'm just dragging everyone down. I feel like i just annoy people and it makes it worse that i'm not an interesting person. like i'm that person who just listens and laughs but i never say anything interesting. I wish I could see my crush but he lives an hour away and doesn't have his phone during the day and im grounded so i don't even have my phone. Ive been using my best friends phone and now that i feel like she doesn't even want to be my friend anymore, i feel like i'm losing so much more. The problem is that i know that i cant let what people say get to me but i've been dealing with negative comments for years from so many different people and i just don't understand how to escape. I usually just draw or listen to music but its hard to draw when your hands are shaking with anxiety and frustration. I also cant listen to music because i'm grounded but I should have a test at the end of this school year to raise my grade and if i actually do good on this test then i can have my phone for the whole summer, if i don't do good, no phone for the whole summer. and then next year i'm in high school and thinking about everything that always needs to get done gives me so much anxiety. I just wanna feel like i'm at home. i may physically be in my house but i don't feel like i'm home. i just wanna feel like i'm at home and that i belong and fit in. saying this literally makes me want to cry.
I'm sorry i just need to vent.

Thank you to anyone who read this. I appreciate it.

[replicant]

The point is obsolete. Someone else can do it.

[i<3 wolves678]

I went almost a year without doing this
no matter how bad I felt I promised I wouldn’t
I promised and I let everyone down

why must I always let everyone down

[Spearow]

Ugh I'm so exhausted working at 6am sucks. I was up until almost 2am because I couldn't sleep, less than three hours of sleep. xc I just want to magically sleep for 40 hours straight, so frustrated from lack of sleep. <_> Could literally cry right now i'm so tired, today is going to be a long one

[hiero]

I ache for touch. I want to be hugged, kissed, patted on the back, just freakin' touched, man, anything. I just feel so starved of affection.

[cornspurrd.]

Jeez.

My parents told my siblings about my therapist last night, without my permission. I thought I had made it very clear that I wasn't comfortable with them knowing about it. Because they do not understand, and I don't want them to think of me differently.

And my sister closest in age to me, will most likely use it against me , which i know will only make me feel even more guilty for having to go.

I would have at-least liked my parents to let me know they where going to tell my siblings, so i could prepare myself. + If i wasn't literally in the next room over I wouldn't have even known that my siblings where informed.

Anyways, while everybody is getting all exited for school to let out, I am terrified out of my mind. Last year over the summer, whatever my issues are ( Lol, issues. Im just one big. Issue ) got so bad and I just. And I meAN jUST got to a point where I'm okay more than I am not okay. and i really. don't want to loose it all.

I haven't gotten a message on here. since like. the beginning of April. Sksksk. Im heckin lonely.