Write a Letter You Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[Moniteau Warrior]

A,
Im so sorry i wrote the note to you. I know i should have gotten the message that your dating someone but I didn't. I wont flirt anymore or try to be cute around you.

[ferrari]

I hope you know how much you mean to me, stardust. I genuinely wouldn't know where I'd be without you right now, definitely in a worse space. I hated seeing you at dinner, struggling over circuits and your paper. I wish you would've communicated to me more that you had things to get done, that are significantly more important than the lazing around we did all weekend. I hate watching you struggle with the stupid circuits homework, and how you end up demeaning yourself and frustrating yourself over it. I wish you would stop calling your hobbies stupid, and I wish you would share more about them with me. I want to learn about the things you like, I want to hear you ramble and ramble about the cards from your childhood and the fun stories you have of you and your nerd friends all playing it in the basement of each other's houses. I hope that one day you can see yourself in the way I see you, as an absolutely perfect person. I hate that you get so down on yourself, or that you brush yourself off. Please stop struggling alone, I have offered and offered to help you, now please reach out and take it. We're in this together, you're my partner and I am yours. Your struggles are mine, and I want to help you so you're not struggling anymore.

[Aerospiders]

Dear A and J, I still think of you two despite it being months since we last spoke. I see you two in my dreams sometimes and I just wake up feeling awful. I don't even want to do the math and see how many days in total it's been since we cut ties. I don't think I'll be able to fathom it. I know it's been over 100 days, considering it was October 8th, but I just feel like that knowledge alone is enough for me. I can't listen to the music you two showed me, I can't listen to the music that reminds me too much of you two. A few days ago, "In My Life" played while on shuffle and I just had to turn it off because it was too much for me. We didn't even listen to that song a whole bunch but it hurts so deeply listening to it because it just reminds me of you two. From the melody, the love, the memories, the lyrics; I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to that song again. A, we used to listen to "Hey Sunshine" so much, and I just can't even think of the song anymore without wanting to stop myself from going down the rabbit hole of memories. We used to always say "is this the end, or just the start?" because we thought that's what the song said, and even after finding out the lyrics were "in the end you're just a star" we thought that was ridiculous and kept singing it how we liked it. The songs you showed me a long time ago keep playing on shuffle too, A. I can't describe how beautiful these songs are, but I just can't listen to them anymore. I can't. Music was such a big part of our friendship, and while music has been there for me throughout this breakup it's also been my biggest enemy. or am i my biggest enemy? I don't know. i'm sorry. I know you both said it wasn't my fault, but I just feel like a failure. i know you two love me still, and that's what hurts the most. you both left because it'd be in my best interest you said, because of my grades, excessive filter, and everything else mentioned. im trying to improve my grades, and after the breakup they were starting to get actually pretty good. I can't thank you both enough for that, and im just so sorry i had such low self-esteem and social anxiety back then. A, I keep thinking of what you said about this likely being temporary. if you two have moved on, that's okay. i want nothing but the best for you both, i really do. i hope you two are happy wherever you both are, i hope you two are thriving and doing alot better. you also mentioned how you wanted me to find my circle and not rely on people who live remarkably different lives from me and i just don't think i'll forget that. i always thought we were inseparable; we did everything together and im just so dissapointed with myself for not realizing this sooner. I noticed you both still follow me on spotify, roblox, the game we loved playing together, and A's alt accounts still follow me on my other social media accounts. i don't know if it was on purpose or not. J, I see you go online alot and everytime you do i'm always scared you'll unfriend me - as a final goodbye. but you haven't. what does this mean? am i just overthinking it? you two were my only friends, my closest ones too. we shared everything together and i just hope you two aren't mad at me, i hope you two don't hate me. i hope this entire thing didn't shatter completely. I love you both so much, I really do. even saying that feels like a vast understatement. I wish you two were here. i hope you two don't forget how much I love you, if this truly is the end. You two mean the world to me. I wouldn't be who I am now without you both. I owe you two everything.

In the end you're just a star, A and J.
Love, Jay.

And to my brother, AN, I can't describe how much it means to me that you came into my life. I still remember it, it was my birthday month and we immediately bonded over things like Postal, old movies, music, etc. It was the first time we've really spoken in years and it made me realize just how similar we are. I mean, thats kind of what happens when you have a punk metalhead for a dad - he raises nerdy, punk metalhead kids but it's still really cool haha. You introduced me to so many of my favorite games, World of Warcraft, Left 4 Dead 2, Dead by Daylight, Sea of Thieves, The Forest, Palworld, the list goes on. We play video games together every night, the call length averaging about 3 hours every night lol and I always look forward to when it turns 9:00 PM because that means it's time to play some good stuff. I know we were raised in a way where emotion is kinda awkward to talk about so I never told you this but I love you, and I couldn't ask for a better brother. I have two of the coolest, seriously. You don't know it, but you helped me throughout the toughest of times. I hope we never stop playing games together, you big nerd. Also, I hope we see each other soon. The last time I saw you I remember I was in the car sitting on a carseat crying because you were either moving away or going to the military. Wow, that puts things in perspective doesn't it lol, that was a LONG time ago! Also, happy birthday! I hope your day goes amazingly! P.S. hee hee hoo hee hee hoo

[Piera]

Hey you,
How about you get off my back for the most menial of stupid reasons that you make up daily just so you can have something to yell at me for? Oh sorry? You don't like it when the tables are turned? So you get to be nasty whenever you like but you get one dose of your own medicine once and it's "wah me no likey?"

Boy howdy, isnt that a conundrum! Don't be nasty to me over LITERALLY saying I can't put my clothes in the wash because yours have been sitting there all, waiting for you to start them and I won't be nasty back! Maybe for once see that you were in the wrong? Instead of dredging it out to a stompy tantrum because I didn't just pile my clothes on the ground, like you seem to have wanted?

What was the winning move here? I take your stuff out? Beep, wrong. I pile my stuff on the ground? Nope! I mix my stuff with yours? Heavens to Betsy, that's the wrong answer too! Could I have started them machine FOR you? Nope! Cause surprise surprise, you haven't even put in half of your clothes. So tell me, what was the winning move here? Cause I honesty don't see it and it wasn't 'dont play' because that's what gotten my head chewed off.

[selkirks]

dear t,
hey. i love you. you were like family to me. please come back. i miss you and i love you. i always think of you. i always dream of you returning. i love you. stay safe

dear a,
i love you. i still do. im sorry for everything i did and said. i was stupid. i lost one of the most amazing people in my life. i love you. i will always cherish what we had and our time together. i love you so much. never forget that

[Resplendent]

G,

5 years ago today was the last time we saw each other... And I thought 2 and a half years was an eternity; the last time we went through a long-term separation.

I can't believe it was 5 years ago... Five. Half a decade. What's even crazier is that this year it will have been 10 years since I first met you. Ten whole years... Ten years since you changed my life and defined the course of my future.

The fact that we've gone a net 7 and a half years without seeing each other, and the fact that I STILL think about you and what an amazing human being you are says a lot. The years pass by and important dates like this one still linger in my mind. I often wonder if you think about them too, though I'm sure you're more preoccupied than I am.

Still, I hope you know that I am the person I am primarily because of you. And I say primarily because yes, there have been others and I don't want to discredit them, but I also want to acknowledge that you've had the biggest impact on me overall.

What would you think of me now? I remember when you said to me, five years ago, that you were confident that my future would be bright, regardless of whatever I would choose to do with my life. I really hope that if you saw me today, you'd agree. I have less than a year of college left before I graduate. I've been attempting to find a new job that's in-line with what I'm studying.

I'm almost there, girl... I'm already starting to make my impact on the world, I just need to snag that job and degree first so I can really be the awesome person I want to be

- M

[Espresso. ༺]

Rescinding this letter simply because you are not the person I thought you were.

[Restful Dead]

AG,
I just wanted you to know that the gift you sent me made me cry.
It wasn't the gift itself, but the gesture. Thank you for making me feel appreciated, even if just for a little while <3

[Silverstar]

arthrosis,
please just let the pain stop. I had plans for today, but just because of you it didn't work and I had to cancel my reservations. I want to travel again every weekend just like I did 2 years ago and I miss going by train for 10 hours but nowadays I can't even go by it for 2 without suffering pain, so thanks for nothing.

[enchantingxrain]

I know i've done this before. And I said things I didn't mean. Because I never understood how I felt. I think it all started when you got a boyfriend. You got something I truly thought I could never have. And seeing you have something that I wanted hurt me to the core, every day. So yes while we were friends I hated you, but I tried to support you. But one day it all changed. I think you started to realize that I felt a certain way, so you lied to me about hanging out with him and other people, because you didn’t want me there. You wanted to hang out with these totally cool people, and you wanted to live your life. But I also wanted to live your life, and it wasn’t mine to intrude on. But I don't think you truly ever knew the fact of my home life, what I had to go home to. No one really does, because I never told anyone. Sure I showed you small glimpses. But all that messed up stuff I told you was really only the iceberg of my problems. So I'm sorry for living vicariously through you. I am sorry that I thought your friendship was going to fix me. If I could do it all over again I really would. Gosh I really wish I could just talk to you and maybe fix it all. I really miss what we had, I don't know. Besides all the bad it really felt like something really you of this world.


tawhsti ( ifykyk )