by Selcouth » Thu Jun 02, 2011 12:52 am
{Warning: Enough angst to theatrically kill a large elephant, Shakespeare-style.}
Dear anyone and everyone who've been exposed to my presence in large quantities in the past few months;
I'm so sorry. I know my emotions have been all over the place lately, I've been thinking and attempting and sometimes succeeding with stupid, stupid, stupid things, and I'm sorry for having to bother you all with that. I just- half the time I don't know what's going on with me, and while I know that we're doing everything we can to figure it out, it hurts in ways you cannot understand. And I know that, and I don't blame you; but sometimes it gets a bit too much. There's a lot of pressure on me, you know? And I'm scared.
And when it comes to things you can help me with, or be sympathetic towards, or respect me in; I've never honestly seen you try. Well, okay, some of you, but... The majority of people in my life tend to treat me like I'm a regret, a stupid mistake and something they should have never brought upon themselves. And I believe that, I really do. But I still wish, selfishly, that I'd get some respect as a human being; using my actual name, for a start. Using the right pronouns. Avoiding topics that set off Episodes, even just reminding me to eat when I forget, or when I don't want to; staying with me when the Episodes set in, instead of avoiding me and giving me those looks that you do. {I'm sorry that I don't have my medicine, but it's a medical disorder; what else can I do but ride it out? I'm sorry you find it disgusting- I do, too.} Not making jokes about things that are triggery for me in my presence- simple things; though I know, to your eyes and to mine at times, that I don't deserve that privilege. I just... You can't take the pain of my condition{s} away, but you can make me a little more comfortable by doing these things, and I would be so eternally grateful to you for it.
I've been a little ball of concentrated Hell for the past month and, while I do have my reasons for this, I thank everyone for not completely snapping and killing me in my sleep. I can't say that I love you, but I'm very thankful towards you, regardless of our... Frequent disagreements. Thank you so much.
-Your son, friend, brother, nephew, and a stranger whom you'll never know;
Tai