Write a Letter You Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[theia]

to b,

you weren't a bad roommate. it feels unfair of me to have talked about you so horribly to my friends and family. i was upset and annoyed. my social anxiety was off the rails every time i heard the lock begin to turn. i couldn't live comfortably. my mind always jumped to the conclusion that you were judging me every second. when you'd bring your boyfriend over all the time, i was so uncomfortable. perhaps it's partially my own fault for not communicating with you, but i've never been that great at communicating with others in the first place. when i think about it, it could have been so much worse. thanks for being a good roommate.

- s

to my parents,

what is doing "something" to you, huh?? helping a friend with her horses for a few hours and then getting dinner = doing nothing all day? i'm sorry i'm not active like you guys. what else am i supposed to do during my summer? i really don't have many friends to hang out with. i'm not a shopping-all-day type of person. i'm not gonna waste money to go do things by myself. i enjoy reading, catching up on shows, drawing, writing, listening to music, and staying at home. sorry i'm so lazy and useless since i'm not some kind of gym rat. sorry i "do nothing all day." sorry i hate going out in public. sorry if i've lost all my motivation to the point where even living feels like a chore, so yeah, i don't really want to get a job that i know i'll hate. but i'm still putting in the effort. honestly, it's sad that i am even writing this on a cs forum rather than talking to you guys directly. you guys really don't know me that well. and i don't feel comfortable talking to you.

- t

to j,

i'm sorry for ghosting you. i should have explained myself. i feel like it's too late at this point. you clearly didn't care about me. when you started talking to me again, i got excited, since you decided to quit the game we played and disappear without even saying anything to me. but clearly you weren't doing it to actually talk to me. you didn't reply until hours to days - even weeks - later. then, you don't even bother to respond to what i say. i tried telling you something funny to spur conversation, but you replied a week later, and didn't even respond to it. you just vented about your family problems to me?? sorry? i'm usually willing to listen to a friend vent, but all your messages were so one-sided and half-assed. it was like you were treating me like a diary. you even said you "were too focused on yourself." everyone i talked to agreed that i should drop you. and i did. i up and left, just like you did so many times before. and now i'm beginning to regret it, and i hate myself for regretting it when it was the right decision. i feel like i should have at least said something first to try to save our friendship - if you can even call it that. anyways, hope you're doing well.

- x

to s,

girl, you are my best friend. you have been for many years now. you have been through so many trials with me. but at the same time, i feel like we're drifting apart. i know you have a boyfriend now, and i'm not saying some dumb crap like he's taking you away from me or anything, because that's just silly and you guys have such a healthy relationship - he's definitely the one. but what i mean is we don't really talk anymore. we really don't have that much in common, now that i think about it. when we do talk, i feel so restrained in what i can say. i also don't want to hurt your feelings, but you need to take control of your life. letting your parents hold you back and not do anything about it. you're an adult. i don't know why you let them control you so much. if it's such a toxic environment, then get out. get a job, get an apartment, etc. you've told me you've been looking for a job, but girl, i know you haven't done anything serious. i don't think you've ever actually applied to a job. a real job. not some easy church job or job with your parents. i'm sorry, but you need a real job - a job where you get out in the real world and have to interact with all sorts of people. you can't hide away in that negative home for the rest of your life. we both know it. i know this sounds pretty harsh, but it's the truth, and i think this because i want only the best for you.

- a

[mourning dove]

jordan,

i cant take it anymore man. every day something reminds me of how you hurt me. i feel so sick and disgusting already. youve ruined my life dude. and i didnt get any compensation for it at all. i cant sleep at night. i cant be awake in the day. i cant enjoy my alone time because of you. ill always be forced to remember the videos you sent me without permission, and how you made me beg for things. ill never forget how terrible i felt seeing your gifts in my inbox, knowing id have to pay you back because my morals wouldnt let me otherwise. i hope you know how much youve ruined me. my body feel so disgusting i just wanna destroy it. i want you to see my casket when i die jordan. i want you to know how bad it hurt. i want you to see the damage youve caused me by using me. i want you to see me. why dont i mean anything anymore. i wanna add you on discord again. its very tempting. i have your tag, ‘peddler’. i want to see if you feel any remorse. i want to see if youve changed. but is it safe? i know ill just hurt myself more in the end. i know it wont get me anywhere but back in this spot. back to remembering everything that happened. it hurts jordan. it hurts a lot. i feel so violated at every moment. i dont wanna wear too little but i dont wanna wear too much. i wanna show skin but im worried someone will try to pay me for it again im worried someone like you will come into my life again jordan. you ruined wverything i had. i used to be able to flirt. i used to be able to enjoy my time with people. but you ruined it. ill never have it again jordan. i panic every time i flirt now. ‘will my bf like it? will i freak him out? what if he hates it?’
youve made be obsessive. maybe even abusive. i dont know. im so out of ir i cant even tell anymore. id apologize ro victor but he’d just say somethin like “why are you apologizing?”
is there anybody listening? either way,
thank you for destroying me jordan.

-edgar

[Cerberussi]

Dear K and N

thank you for being like older brothers to me, especially playing all the online games i want.

you both don't like each other but we make it work. thank you for being patient and thank you Nikolayev especially for being like a father-figure and helping me remember russian. not many good male figures in my life but you guys rule


love cerb

[Aseria Greane]

For T.

I miss you even though i feel like i shouldn't. i asked you to not leave me again and you did. you promised. i told you how i felt when you left the first time and how i thought you were gone forever. how i mourned you. i know we met each other randomly but 2 years? and you decide to text me out of the blue?? i think answering hurt me more than thinking you were still gone. i don't know why i decided to drive and meet you but leaving hurt me more than anything else before. i felt my heart actually breaking. that weekend was terrible and exhausting but you made it worth it. you say you want me to visit again, but you stop talking to me and now I'm too far away to even think about meeting again. is it because I'm not worth your time, or a second thought? I'm easy to talk to, you said yourself. a 2 second text to say hey, like you did before. but i guess its not worth it anymore. I'm not interesting enough. all i ever wanted was your time and attention. you may not care anymore but i miss you. i miss you so much its physically painful. your texts always lit up my day but they were always few and far between. at times i think you decided to talk to me again to use me, but then i convince myself otherwise. but the thoughts are always there, because i'll never have answers. i hate you for breaking my heart, but then again that's my own fault for thinking you still liked me. but did you really? i dont know anymore. but i still miss you.

C.

[roots.]

dear ******,

i remember when you used to sing when it was raining. i remember when you loved me, but now that's gone. what happened to me, to make me strange and foreign to you? i can't remember it, my memory is shoddy and missing pieces, but maybe you know. won't you tell me what happened so that you can't look me in the eyes anymore without guilt and sorrow? do you know a secret that i don't? not knowing is killing me. i want to go back to a time where you loved me, but i can't remember what it was like. only wisps of that time remain in my mind. please tell me what it was like.

fen.

[licoricesoda]

s,

are you still the toxic person i knew you as?
i see when you stalk my spotify, and i wish i could block you. you make me so uncomfortable.

i hope Karma finds you one day, because that's what you deserve.

[udderchaos_cat]

Dear K,
We used to be so close but was that all a lie? You were the only one there for me growing up and you were basically my sister but as I got older and actually got a boyfriend that became more than just a virtual one, things changed but why? Why did it change. I know I vented alot to you about our problems and if that made you end up hating him I'm sorry. I had no one else I could talk to about it, but that didnt mean you could try and break us apart and put thoughts in my head that otherwise wouldn't be there if it wasnt for you and my mom. Thought I guess it's because of that is why we aren't close anymore. You hating him for no reason and never trying to bond/spend time with him and actually getting to know him is why we are the way we are now and being a big ol butt when I moved again and saying rude comments with my family even though you "wasn't trying to be rude" but oh well. The past is the past maybe we will be close again in the future. Love you
~C






Dear W,
I hate you so much, your toxic and twist everyone's words. You reak of negativity and anytime i talk to you I feel 100% worse than I did before I talked to you. You only half listen to anything anyone says and you verbally abuse those that are closest to you. You make me hate having to talk to you and the [censored] you have to say. I have so many problems because of you and your choices and you don't even believe me. It sucks. Specially since I'm not allowed to ever go without talking to you atleast more than once a day. I will always just be stuck by you and I will never be able to get out of it because deep down I do love you still but it's so hard when you are this way..

~C

[marston<3]

Dear C,

Why do you act so cold all of a sudden? We used to be best friends, we talked all the time, we would draw each other stuff, but now you seem like you aren't interested. If you don't want to be friends then say it. But don't lead me on and take sides with an awful person. You take sides with an awful person who has done bad things, but yet you treat me like a criminal whenever I had mental health issues. It is not fair how you treat me.

[CryptidHunter_425]

To my grandparents;
You will be very angry, I just know it. You'd probably hate me forever because I'm no where near what you want for a grandchild, but here I am.
I believe a RE introduction is needed. I am KK, and I am not the young girl you know of, not any more, not ever again, not even in the past. I was never her. I am a proud gay man whos living his best life. YOU can choose whether or not to be in my life. I've heard about what N is supposedly. She's supposedly bi, isn't she?
I'll have you know, N, if you're reading this, instead of Grandma and Grandpa, I love you for who you are, even if I hardly had gotten a chance to meet you. At least you made an effort, unlike J, unlike his sisters and brother. You care and that's all that matters.
~Your GrandSON, KK

To K;
You hurt me. I cannot forgive you. I know I said I'd give you a second chance, but I don't think I can. You tore me from all the people I was friends with. I? Torn from. F? Torn from. A? Torn from. Even worse, an ex of mine who I'm now friends with again, H (though I doubt you call him that)? Torn. From. You tried to turn me against my family, you DID turn me against my family. I'm forever grateful that they understood what happened and that they're (somewhat) trusting me again.
Please stay away from me.
~KK

To O;
I doubt you know what you did. I know you didn't mean it, but I can never trust you again, at least, not until I see you've changed. You practically forced me to stay online all the time and now I have zero hobbies. Not only that, but several times you forced me outside of my comfort zone, even if it was because of stupid things like roleplaying characters I wasn't comfortable with roleplaying or roleplaying genres that I wasn't comfortable with roleplaying.
I can't trust you and I can't forgive you, please don't attempt to contact me through my friends.
~KK


(KK is short for a character I created that I believe fits me, Kaptain Kosmos. Please don't take it as my actual initials-)

[Guest]

hey.

this has been bothering me for months now.
ive wanted to talk to you about it, wanted to say something, but i've been fearing you'd say something stupid or complain and turn it around on me.
but why did you throw me under the bus for everything? when you know you did the exact same things with me, or even did them before me ? you did plenty of things you accused me of, and then went and threw me under the bus for it all, pretending you were some innocent little kid. when in reality, i was the kid, you were older, you were supposed to be there for me. not just, throw me under when i mess up. i know i did some terrible things, but that gives you absolutely no excuse to lie about me and then accuse me of doing it myself.
you did so many wrong things. you manipulated me, you hurt me, you lied to me and others, and yet i was the only one in the wrong.
when are you ever going to tell the truth? when are you ever going to tell the others and me the truth about what you've done? or are you gonna just pretend you're innocent, pretend you do no wrong and that you're some stupid little perfect pansy?
in all honesty, i'm still very angry with you. i've told you i wasn't, but i'm extremely angry with you.
i'm mad, and upset, and hurt. and i know i shouldn't dwell on the past, but i'm not going to pretend you tainting my reputation to people who weren't even involved didn't piss me off and hurt me. i know im a hypocrite, but god. you didn't have to stoop so low. to "my level", you'd claim.
claiming im some terrible person when in reality, you are EXACTLY who you accused me of being.
im exhausted. and tired of you.
and i want you to fess up. i want you to be honest before i completely leave you. because i'm so sick of you.

- b.