i<3 wolves678 wrote:Ugh. I just cannot right now.
Today was horrible.
Since my last post, all the issues have just got worse and worse, and I seem to find myself crying at the end of nearly every school day. people made me feel worthless. I've had enough. all day we were doing citizenship work in school, but it's not even that that made me feel this way, well, not entirely anyway. This morning the whole of my year group had to gather in one room, and some horrible boys, some of those people who like to downsize me because I'm different, decided to sit right I front of me where there wasn't any space because they wanted to.
Of course, I was with my friends and didn't want to move, I was there first and that was that. They threatened to beat and kick me later that day if I didn't move, and although I knew they weren't being serious, it scared me as some people can be. My friends didn't hear them say it and neither did any of the teachers, but it bothered me for the rest of the day, especially when the teacher put us into several large groups and I found myself stranded with them away from my friends, although I did get to change groups though.
Also, no matter how much I try to consider the feelings and thoughts of my friends, Sometimes they don't seem to be considering mine, as earlier today, they were joking around that autistic people were stupid and worthless, even when they knew I was autistic and I was standing right next to them, and this brings up the question, are these people I have know for years really my friends? Or am I just another brick in the wall?
Most the time, I feel like a brick.
Despite the fact that our school actually has a display unit that says "your not just another brick in the wall at [school name]" the teachers certainly don't make it that way.
People just don't understand that bullying can't just be physical, but emotional too, and if they knew this, I bet nearly every person in the school would count as a bully. Bullying can kill. People need to know this. And yet strangely, out of all the strong subjects our lessons touched on today, this was not one.
Awareness of autism was only brought into the school when my other actually complained to the head that students need to learn it. She suggested some stuff and about a month later it happened. I guess I should be glad, but it doesn't stop people. If they knew that sometimes the little petty things they do to me, make me die a little inside, they might not be so cruel. Why are al, these people horrible to me exactly? Well, let's just say when I was about 5-7 years old, I found it extremely hard to control my emotions, and when I got angry, people thought it was hilarious, so they laughed. And when they laughed, I got more angry, and sometimes revolted in violent ways.
Through out all my years at primary school, I was treated awfully, and when I cam here, I wanted a fresh start.
But people wouldn't let me have that, they spread horrible rumors, most of which weren't even true, and now I'm here, typing this, quietly wishing that maybe my life could've been better, maybe people wouldnt be so horrible.
I'm crying right now.
Crying because I know I'm worthless.
At least, that's what people think of me anyway.
I am really considering making a video of me just venting and posting it on YouTube.
A video about how people just need to grow up.
A video about how parents and teachers thing bullying can be solved by simply "ignoring the bullies"
No. That's not how the world works. People need to know this. People who are like the people who torture me, Grow up.
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