TheComfortCorner | V.8

[cornspurrd.]

I'm afraid to sleep.
Now that's a weird thing to say.
But I am. haven't slept in 2 days.
I'm tired.

[skyline]

crippling anxiety sucks

[sillies]

whats the godforsaken point of speaking if you aren't gonna listen!!! i told you first weekend of march was my volunteer work trip up north!! That's next weekend! But in your passive aggressive, PURE anger you just yelled "no" at me when I tried to compromise. You wouldn't even bother to TRY and listen. You just yelled at me in your rage. I don't think I deserved to have your anger taken out on me. I told you AHEAD OF TIME about this trip, and you were okay with me going! I get that you have to go out of state for a week and that's the same time I go on my trip, but their's more than just ME in the house. My uncle who lives here as well can easily take care of the dog for a few days while I'm gone! He can take the one day of the three days I'm gone off from work to watch the dog. I'm making a big enough sacrifice taking care of LITERALLY Everything ELSE. You're throwing a lot of stress on me! You should have told me you were going on this trip a while ago! Not tonight, not 2-3 days before you're LEAVING.

oh also can you not treat me like a degenerate

im gonna snap real soon here grandma

when you constantly treat me like im worthless it all builds up into one ball of . . .... whatever. something that's gonna explode at you soon. and it's not gonna be pretty and knowing my luck ill be threatened to be kicked out AT MINIMUM. I understand you're upset about things that happened that were out of your control, but that gives you NO right to take it out on me!

I don't understand why you treat me like a degenerate nor will I ever. and im no longer going to be telling you things. if you don't listen what's the point

--
edit as of this morning

now she's being passive aggressive. ALL I ASKED WAS IF MY MOM COULD COME OUT AND HELP ME FOR THE WEEK. I GET YOU DON'T TRUST HER. THAT SUCKS. SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA PUSH THAT ASIDE!! I CAN'T HANDLE THIS BY MYSELF! MY UNCLE WHO ISN'T GOING WILL BE OF NO HELP!! OTHER THAN GOING TO WORK HE SITS IN HIS BEDROOM AND SLEEPS ALL DAY AND ONLY COMES OUT WHEN HE NEEDS TO EAT!! WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I'M GONNA NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!

[2246]

it would be a gift to everyone if i left

[awakening souls.]

i had a really good time here on chicken smoothie. i made many friends and met a lot of people who impacted my life for the better. i had my fair share of arguments, but nothing that ever left me bitter. in fact, such arguments taught me how to pick myself up again even when my misery meant someone else's joy. a lot of those quarrels were caused by me, and to this day, i am deeply sorry. i haven't always gotten along with the mods, but at the end of the day, i do realize they were never out to get me. pushing those silly things aside, i enjoyed almost every other aspect here on chicken smoothie. the trading was always fun and kept me interested. the roleplaying helped me to improve my writing skills, although i did eventually fall off the roleplaying bandwagon. i'll never forget the wonderful people i interacted with on various roleplays. some of them i still converse with on a day to day basis.

it has been a long ride, but i really must go. life is too busy and i feel as if i have greatly outgrown this game. i will miss a lot of the people here, but such is the same with many things. it does make me sad to leave, but i know it is for the best.

if anyone would like anything - anything at all - from my account, don't hesitate to send a trade or just ask. i don't have a need for any of my pets or items anymore.

farewell,
awakening.

[cornspurrd.]

everything hurts.
And I tell my friends and family that everything is ok. They think it's getting better. But it's the worst it's been in months and I need them more than ever.

[onion]

writers block is annoying like i have so many ideas but i cant seem to execute them. ;_; i wish i had like... an rp going on so i could still have a creative outlet while i brainstorm and prepare for my fic

[connoisseur]

Lately things have been smooth and easygoing... I'm more organized and less stressed than I ever have been before, and even though I have my days where I'm sad or feeling upset, or when I get into arguments I feel like its been entirely different from the pain I've felt a couple of months ago.

I'm nervous and worried. What if this happiness disappears soon? What if it's temporary?

I feel like crying.
I'm so so worried about my grandparents. I live with them since my parents just kind of gave up on my sister and I. So far, it's been three years since I moved in and I'm applying to colleges this year. I'm so scared to leave them alone. I don't want them to be alone. What will happen if I'm gone? If there's nobody there to take care of them? To tell my grandma to stop overworking herself? To tend to my grandfather's wounds and sickness he gets from his work?

It breaks my heart.
I don't want to think about it. But I'm so scared of losing them. I've watched my grandma from being able to walk anywhere with ease for any prolonged periods of times without being tired to her knees giving out and needing surgery. She'll be getting her surgery in summer when school lets out so I can drive her to physical therapy. I'd do anything for her to get better.

I just want to them to be around when I graduate college, get married, or have kids (if I want to)... I just want them to be there when I'm successful. Because everything I've become is thanks to them. Earlier, when I had received a personal letter from my professor praising my work in class they started to cry. They were so proud of me for getting a job last week. My grandmother has never been more happy and I still cry secretly when I imagine how different it would be if I still lived with my parents.

Just three years ago, I was severely underweight, lost, in a dangerous situation, and had no idea what I wanted to do and had no idea of my worth. It wasn't until my grandparents decided to take my sister and I that I really learned what it's like to be loved and not for a reason of gain. They are the only ones who don't want to use me for their own joy.

And it hurts. It hurts so much knowing that they're in pain daily. That it's getting hard for them to do daily tasks or remember things. I don't want them to go. Never. I want to them to see how grateful I am and see what I can do with their help.

If I'm this sad and miserable now about losing them, what will it be like when it actually happens?

[heartsigh]

deleted

[Sciencin']

why can't my brain just... do its damn job
where's the serotonin you useless lump of meat