♥Crushes, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends | V6♥

[flooxii]

why do I love him so much-

[trip ♡]

i fly up to see him next saturday, pack up a uhaul, and bring him back home with me for good. :,) met in middle school, finally got together, and finally closing the distance. good end to a rough year.

[☣Uzi Doorman!☣]

MY BOYFRIEND LIVES IN ANOTHER COUNTRY >>:(

"I can't wait to kiss you."
YOU KNOW I'M IMPATIANT STOP

[SilveryBlueSky]

i really like this one guy, hes overall sweet and makes me feel good when we are together. but the lack of the small things he does hurts me. he says he doesnt like texting, so we can go 5 days without any contact and for him its fine but for me it hurts. its been bothering me for a while so i told him today that i dont like feeling like a burden to text him. but he underreacted to that, especially considering how difficult it was for me to tell him (people pleaser here who was really lonely growing up). and i like him, but he ghosts me without warning, doesnt do the little things like holding doors or getting me flowers or cares about presents. he does the big things well, like being someone to talk to, trust, laugh with and be comfortable with. but these little things, and if i mention that i care about them, i dont know how he will react. plus, hes a little too close to 2 of his girl best friends for my liking. (e.g. one time his friend was talking to me about how great he is, and he was gushing about how good she is at singing and music etc.) it eats away at me, especially as someone with severe relationship trauma and fear of abandonment. yeah i kinda wanted to just let this out, i dont know what to do except to just take it because i really dont want to burden him further when other girls would be so much easier to deal with.

I have some personal experience here that I hope will help you. There’s something really important in a relationship that I refer to as “boundary compatibility,” which refers to the effects that each person’s boundaries have on the other. Sometimes, two people can really like each other, but they have requirements and boundaries that cause the other person discomfort or pain.

My first and only romantic relationship was like this. It really makes you doubt your self-worth because you think that, by not being able to meet these requirements or boundaries set by the other person, you are somehow at fault or are doing something wrong. This is not the case.

I’m also a people pleaser and constantly worry about being a burden. Additionally, I also am uncomfortable with texting and expressing my feelings. I will compile a list of things below for you to address these issues:

For the boundaries, texting, etc.:
• It’s extremely important within a relationship for you to tell your partner if you’re hurting. One of the most important things you can to is express to him how his actions (or inaction) is making you feel. For the texting, I recommend asking him if he:
a. Gets drained easily while talking to other people, and requires lots of alone time.
b. Has trouble interpreting tone and emotion within texts and subsequently gets uneasy through not knowing what the other person is thinking.
c. Does not like small talk, casual conversation, or formalities like “how are you?” / “I’m fine” because of how people usually can’t respond with anything else besides that.
d. Has anything else that would prevent or make him not to want to text or communicate through phone.

For the lack of small signs of affection:
•I have a possible explanation and a possible question that may help you with this:
a. Normally, people express their adoration for someone through a number of different “love languages.” One of these is receiving physical gifts or acts of service. It is probably a good idea to tell him that this is your “love language” (you can search this up to confirm it) and how much you appreciate these kinds of things, because of how they reaffirm you of your connection. You might also ask him what his “love language” is, so you can tell when he’s trying to express his feelings to you, even if it’s in a way you don’t register immediately.
b. The question you want to ask yourself is if he’s using a different “love language” or if you see a lack of any expressions of love altogether. If this is the case, please bring it up to him and tell him how important this is to you.

Things I want you to look out for:
•While I don’t know who you’re talking about, there are a few questions that I think you should ask yourself when it comes to him:
a. Do you often feel like a burden to him?
b. Do you leave conversations with him feeling worse than you did before you started?
c. Do you feel like you can’t tell him about this for fear of rejection?
d. Do you feel like he would under-react to other problems you have?
e. Do you have problems communicating with each other?
f. Do you often feel drained when thinking about him?
g. Do you blame yourself or take responsibility for his own problems and shortcomings?
h. Do you genuinely feel loved, or do you need his acceptance for you to feel worthy?

If you answered yes to most of these questions, the first thing I want you to do is communicate this with him. Communication is so, so important. He needs to know just how much this is affecting you.
If he doesn’t seem to care, or doesn’t change, then I have to recommend that you end the relationship. It shouldn’t be worth your wellbeing and mental health to uphold something that makes you feel unloved, uncomfortable, or unworthy. I had to have this conversation with myself once before. It was hard, but it’s so important to confront this.

Just remember: communication.
And also: self-love.

Please make sure to take care of yourself. You deserve to be happy. You shouldn’t have to suffer in silence. You are not a burden, and never will be.

-“LadySonder”

[okami.]

i had to breakup with my boyfriend a few days ago because he felt so distant, no there, and it felt like he was always busy and never willing to spend time with me.

during the breakup he basically said he didn't love me for almost the entire time we were together. like, wow, gee thanks.
"i was in love. i got busy. i fell out of love."
ever since he said that, it has never left my mind. how could you be with someone you didn't love for two years..?
he was leading me on this whole time. i didn't even think about this especially because he was recently talking about saving up to live with me....
ever since the breakup he hasn't been talking to me at all (fair enough tbh, things take time) but honestly, i feel like this is something he wishes he could've done this whole time-- not talk to me. i just don't know anymore.

[winx]

hii. i feel like this is a really stupid question, but please bear with me, I’m (questioning aro) aroace.
does having a crush on someone like? i swear i have never remembered that i have had a crush one someone. haha, sorry. stupid question like what.

[P0stHum4n]

what is it like to have a crush- on anyone? I don’t know what it’s like. I’ve never had a crush.. I’ve questioned myself, for this.. The amount of attractive people I’ve seen but I don’t feel a single thing. It’s like I’m blank. I don’t understand what it feels like, I don’t know how to feel. ;w; I even questioned my sexuality. Tried different things- my friends having crushes, the people around me falling for several people and I can’t join in- because I’ve never experienced it. Should I be concerned? I could use some advice, I’m so lost. T_T

[jointedwishes]

i had to breakup with my boyfriend a few days ago because he felt so distant, no there, and it felt like he was always busy and never willing to spend time with me.

during the breakup he basically said he didn't love me for almost the entire time we were together. like, wow, gee thanks.
"i was in love. i got busy. i fell out of love."
ever since he said that, it has never left my mind. how could you be with someone you didn't love for two years..?
he was leading me on this whole time. i didn't even think about this especially because he was recently talking about saving up to live with me....
ever since the breakup he hasn't been talking to me at all (fair enough tbh, things take time) but honestly, i feel like this is something he wishes he could've done this whole time-- not talk to me. i just don't know anymore.

awww i’m so sorry you had to go through that, i understand how mentally draining that must be. i’d say it’s a good thing if he hasn’t been talking to you, i’d keep the distance and maybe cut him off if you’re able? being friends doesn’t normally work out, and you haven’t had the chance to fall out of love. i’d just say work on yourself and what makes you happy, disregarding how he might have felt during that relationship. truth is, you can ask yourself all these questions about when he could’ve stopped having feelings, why he put you through that, etc, and that’s okay to have those thoughts and questions for a while 😊 but after a bit, you’ll need to finish the grieving and leave it in the past.
i always say you can be over the person without being over their actions, so you can still be hurt by his actions without staying attached.

i wish you the best in finding yourself again, i know a 2 year relationship makes you work for two people, and now you can finally function for just yourself. (and trust me, that will be the most freeing feeling later on😊)

hii. i feel like this is a really stupid question, but please bear with me, I’m (questioning aro) aroace.
wth does having a crush on someone like? i swear i have never remembered that i have had a crush one someone. haha, sorry. stupid question like what.

i’ve also questioned that before! the whole reason i knew i wasnt was when i met my bf! it’s difficult to describe, it’s like this silly feeling of your stomach feels swirly and you get all smily around them.
i was so confident around him until i admitted i liked him, then i got all nervous and shy around him because i wanted him to like me as much as i liked him.
i’d best describe it as the swirly shy feeling though, it’s like you try to do small things to get them to notice you without giving yourself away lol (at least for me)

if you have any further questions i’d love to talk, just send me a PM!

[Falco]

^^ to above, I'm aroace spec! aromatic isn't the only one. I'm Demi-romantic, so I've only ever had crushes on people who I've become close to. When I was a teen, I was never able to crush on some random person I never talked to in school, but all my friends did. I felt like I was weird and that's when I started questioning my sexuality. There wasn't much info on the aro/ace spectrum that I could easily access at the time, so I just assumed something was wrong with me. There's lots of great recourses out there that can help you now! You shouldn't be ashamed to feel this way, it's totally normal. Everyone experiences their sexuality differently.


As for what a crush feels like, I can try to explain?
I started crushing on my partner after we got super close, one day we where talking and then something just clicked. After that, I felt so nervous whenever I even thought about him. Not a bad nervous, but a different feeling. I didn't know what was going on so I went to my friends for advice, and it turned out I had a crush lmao

[arcadia.]

thanks!
I very helpful to have that cleared up. my friend Is demibisexial so she’s been answering a lot of my questions but this one is one I felt I needed more clarification on!
nice to meet another aspec person x