Our Aspiring Writers League (O.A.W.L)

[~Celestia~]

@Unknown Child

Read the last page and a bit. it seems pretty decent. ^^ Here's a few questions you may want to consider:
-How is her brother handling this?
-Who are the bad guys? What do they want? Why? How are they planning on getting it?
-Do these bad guys have any link to the girl and her brother? I.e: Creepy old uncle.
-How mentally damaged is the girl? Has she ever considered speaking?
-How does she see the world without speech?
-Does she use sign language as basic communication, or does she prefer not to communicate at all?
-Does she experience bullying? If so, how does she deal with it? Is she clever with revenge?
-Who are these friends her brother meets, and how do all the characters connect?

That's all I can really think of for now, but good luck writing this. The plot won't be clichéd unless the 'bad guys' are sterotypes. Mix it up a bit, and enjoy!

~Cel.x

[violacherry]

Alright so here's the begining to a story. I was listening to a sad song and started....what do you think? I'm trying to decide if i should keep writing on it or just keep it a short mysterious story or something:


I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what came over me. I lost it. I lost it. I melted to the ground sobbing. All of those years were gone. They were gone and I was alone. She came in and picked me up hugging me close.

She didn’t have to ask, she didn’t have to question or anything. She didn’t have to use words. She just wrapped me in a hug and sat next to me, not saying its ok, not talking, just hugging me, comforting me.

I don’t know how long we stayed there, on the floor, me not letting her go. I don’t know how many people opened the door but then quickly closed it, how many phone calls and texts she missed.

I couldn’t live any more. My family was killed, no one would look at me the same, they couldn’t even look at me straight anymore and I had no where to go, except maybe to her but I didn’t know if she would, if she could. She had a baby on the way.

[violacherry]

As a General note - I don't quite understand why people ask if their plot ideas are any good ¬.¬ i can understand asking about plot points and if it makes sense in the flow of a plot, but If someone says you've created a terrible idea - are you really gonna not write it due to one persons opinion? My plots are... well... They're not exactly original, and not exactly "mature", but i write for myself and because i love to write, not because i really care that much about how much other people will like my plot and characters X3 My goal is to pour my heart and soul into my writing, and if nobody else likes it.. well.. tough cookies! [/weird rant thing]

I get ideas and sometimes i need help forming them but i agree with you. I think if you write and you pour your heart out....well its good enough for atleast yourself if not anyone else.

((sorry for double posting...))

[Lasesi]

As a General note - I don't quite understand why people ask if their plot ideas are any good ¬.¬ i can understand asking about plot points and if it makes sense in the flow of a plot, but If someone says you've created a terrible idea - are you really gonna not write it due to one persons opinion? My plots are... well... They're not exactly original, and not exactly "mature", but i write for myself and because i love to write, not because i really care that much about how much other people will like my plot and characters X3 My goal is to pour my heart and soul into my writing, and if nobody else likes it.. well.. tough cookies! [/weird rant thing]

I get ideas and sometimes i need help forming them but i agree with you. I think if you write and you pour your heart out....well its good enough for atleast yourself if not anyone else.

((sorry for double posting...))

Heh, ima apologise for that post i think - i sound so grumpy! (Was having a bad day earlier X3) I don't mind people posting snippets and asking for advice... (or even asking for advice on their whole story X3) I just get irked by plot outlines ... *goes to hide in my corner*

Alright so here's the begining to a story. I was listening to a sad song and started....what do you think? I'm trying to decide if i should keep writing on it or just keep it a short mysterious story or something:


I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what came over me. I lost it. I lost it. I melted to the ground sobbing. All of those years were gone. They were gone and I was alone. She came in and picked me up hugging me close.

She didn’t have to ask, she didn’t have to question or anything. She didn’t have to use words. She just wrapped me in a hug and sat next to me, not saying its ok, not talking, just hugging me, comforting me.

I don’t know how long we stayed there, on the floor, me not letting her go. I don’t know how many people opened the door but then quickly closed it, how many phone calls and texts she missed.

I couldn’t live any more. My family was killed, no one would look at me the same, they couldn’t even look at me straight anymore and I had no where to go, except maybe to her but I didn’t know if she would, if she could. She had a baby on the way.

^ I like this and i feel like it could be developed into something interesting If you have ideas on where it could go i'd suggest keeping on writing! even if you're just writing cause you can X3 It definitely makes me asks questions, Who is the "she"? who is the main character? How did her parents die? Etc etc it could prove to be a good prologue ^_^

[violacherry]

Thanks you! And I shall!

[~Celestia~]

Thankyoou, Lasesi. OuO;
Gonna smuggle cookies into my room and have a quick coffee before bed so I can write. I've been lazy all day and haven't scribbled down a single utterence. Best I've done was brainstorm banshee names, but that only took 5 minutes...and I got no results. XD

Does anyone here have ideas for banshee names? These creatures are not traditional banshees, though. They remind me of Gollem from Lord of the Rings, but more screwed in the head (if that's possible o-o). Some banshees of mine include:
-Half-tail (who is dead)
-Broken-hand (who was first to die)
-Tequila-riser (who is also dead as a result of childbirth. Banshee litters claw their way out of their mother's body, so yes... o-o)
-Great-eye (who coincidently is dead)
-Small-tongue (who just happens to be dead)
-Moon-claw (who is actually alive! <3)

I'm looking for names similar to these. I've been thinking of Ghost-cutter and Shallow-rib for some time now... Any other suggestions? I'm pretty dense right now. x3

o3o

[king_bear]

@-ssǝɹʇsıƜ- Accepted! Loved the writing sample by the way! ^.^ (And I'm impressed that you figured out what 'Role' was meant to be. XD)

(I glared at other forms C: Shhh! Don't tell anyone c:)

By the way, If I'm here now however, could somebody help me out with... This?

Prologue

Two weeks after my disappearance my mother and both my best friends were asked to come to the police station. They'd searched for weeks, though, they never found me. I found them, but made sure they wouldn't remember. I knew exactly what they told the police officers, and I would never forget. My mother didn't said that much, she mostly cried. Which I still don't really get. She never loved me, so why should she? Stephanie told them my main behaviour. My way of thinking, favourite places to be, etcetera. Nobody knew me better than Steph. Of course she'd tell them, she wanted nothing more than get me back. Carlynn... Carlynn just told them what I was like. That I never really had been an outsider, always just the same as everyone else. She told them what I looked like. Brown hair, recently dyed black, blue eyes, muscled but skinny body. I still laugh as I think about that description. If I would walk right next to them, or in front of them, facing them, they wouldn't even recognize me.

Chapter One
Unexpected Information

I sighed quietly as I putted in my well-shaped lenses. I'd been wearing sunglasses the time before I got the idea, but when I bought them, the glasses fell on the ground, and the cashier had looked into my eyes, totally perplexed. The quick colourchange made him stiffen, and I looked back, this time without my glasses. I made him forget. Since that moment I stopped wearing glasses, they were far too risky. The lenses didn't zoom my view, nor did they change it, my eyes just needed to get used to them. The first weeks I had practically slept with them, afraid someone would get into my room, and wake me up. They'd see it. Know I wasn't normal. As the time passed by, I calmed down and wasn't afraid anymore. At night, I didn't wear them anymore, but in daylight it was more useful. I looked in the mirror in front of me, checking out if they looked real. My new muddy brown eyes were a bit boring, compared to what I had normally. But I couldn't take that risk. If anyone would see it, I'd be death until I could make them forget.
I stood up, taking a lock of hair between my fingers. I looked at my permanent colour. I wished I could dye it again, this black began to get boring. I putted the lock behind my ear, and took the thin jacket from the chair. The soft leather stroke along my skinny arms as I putted it on, and I shivered. I walked towards the other end of the room, opening the faded blue door. Before I closed it behind me, I looked back once. The distorted iron head of the bed smiled at me, in a weird, impossible grin.

As I crossed the way in front of my 'house', walking towards my Bug, I decided I really needed a new car. My hand stroke over the damaged, off-scoured red paint, and in my head I already made a plan how to get a new one. It wouldn't be easy to throw this thing away, it had been my only transportation for years, but if I wanted to return to Goodlock, I needed a new one. That town was too small, everybody knew each other. They'd recognize the car easily, maybe even think I murdered the girl, and took the car with me. I smiled slightly, opening the door. They should know.

Ike had sounded pretty agitated when he called me two days ago. He didn't wanted to tell what happened by phone, but insisted on seeing me. Personally I didn't really liked that idea, he might get a heartattack or something because of my looks. But I couldn't withdraw now. Ike was probably already waiting. Slowly I drove towards the bridge he told me to come, looking over the small river that streamed through Thornstrap. I stopped, parking me car aside. There was no one at the bridge... Yet. Slowly I walked towards the middle, hanging over the steel fence that should stop people from riding off the bridge. Watching the water stream under my feet, I remembered the times I tried to jump off it. Useless, of course. Suicide was not an option. I just had to live with it, probably. 'E- Sorry, Kate?' The familiar voice made me look up, being drawn out of my memories. Ike. 'Hi.' I looked at him, checking out his short, curly brown hair and the soft brown eyes. 'What happened to you?' He asked, looking at my face. He didn't changed anything, I did. Totally. 'Many things. Not the moment to talk about this. I don't have very much time, could we get straight to the point?' That was not really true, I had the whole day, but I didn't wanted to spend it with Ike. I mean, he's really friendly, and things, and my only connection to life in Goodlock, but I'd have to explain why I look like this. He shook his head slowly. 'You're always to the point. But, if you want so, I can. Kate... I don't know how to say this... There's a reason I didn't wanted to tell you by phone. It's probably too hard to get through on your own, I... Wanted to be there if you needed someone. Kate, your mother died.'

I felt the colour of my eyes fade away under my lenses, and a very small part of me was happy I had them. But the other, much bigger part of me was shocked. Dead? What happened? I stared at the ground, my mind totally taken by this unexpected information. I was at the point of bursting out, not in tears, but in questions, as I feel the eyes on my face. I looked up, Ike's compassionate eyes pointed straight into mine. I didn't get the chance to ask anything, as he began to speak again. 'I know, you want to know what happened. But the worst is... It was totally unexpected. For me, for anyone else in Goodlock. The mayor...' His eyes were drawn towards a leaf, pushed by the wind off the bridge. A cold breeze made my hair flow up into the air, but I didn't pay attention. 'Kate, I'm sorry.' He sighed eventually. I looked into his eyes, knowing he really did. Ike always had been a friend of mine, since we met, on primary school. Though, I knew that from his side we were more than friends. That he wanted us to be more than friends. I knew he would grab every chance to meet me, to see me. It was more an obsession than a friendship. And I still didn't knew how he would react when I told him I would return to Goodlock. His words made me return to the present. 'Kate, your mother was shot down. They hostaged her, trying to get money from the paymaster. When it didn't worked...' His voice faded away, and I couldn't hear the last words. Shot down? I had read such things in papers... And I always had felt sorry for the relatives and of course for the victims, but I never thought it might happen in my own life. And now it did.

Fourty-seven minutes later I was in my car again, thinking about our conversation. Ike had told me everything he knew about it, and a vague intuition told me he was telling the truth. Ike wouldn't lie to me... Right?

Chapter Two
Comeback

After four days of hanging around, thinking about the family I've got left, and thinking about the friends I've got left, I decided to cut the rope. Cut the last pieces of rope that still tied me to my memories, to E-, that name. I would leave my past life behind me, now, totally. Nothing that would be in my new life will remind me of the first sixteen years. Expect the place. I will return to Goodlock, whatever Ike might say about that. I knew I had to do many things before it'd be the moment of truth, but I couldn't push myself to do something. Eventually, after two more days of hanging around, thinking about everything I still had to do, I begin to pack my stuff. Not that that is the first thing to do. I just want to stretch out the time before I had to do things I didn't wanted to do. I had to prepare myself mentally.

The same afternoon I went towards the city hall of Goodlock. As I walked through the enormous hall, I knew I had to put on a disguise. Though, the women at the office would probably not recognize me. I went in line, waiting for my turn. As the queue gets shorter, I saw her come into view. I held my breath as I saw who it was. Stephanie? Secretary? She'd definately recognize me, or at least know there was something strange. I got more nervous as the queue before me became shorter. What if she recognized me? Would she find out? Then, the man before me walks away, and we were eye to eye. 'I... I want to... register myself in the archives of Goodlock. I'm new, travelled from North...' What was it again? Did I forget from where I came? 'Northern Mexico to here.' I told her, hoping she wouldn't look through my thin veil of lies. Steph looked at me, with that face... 'What's it?' I asked her, trying to sound careless. 'Nothing. I thought I knew you, but apparently not.' She smiled friendly. 'What's the name?'
'Kate. Emma Kate Tygor.' I told her, knowing I would get used to the name quickly. 'Do you have an identification?' I nodded slowly, taking my fake passport out of my pocket. I gave it to her, and while she putted the data in the computer, I sighed from relief that she didn't recognize me.

When I walked to my car at the parking place, - I still needed a new one -, I was glad it was all over. I'd go to high school again, I'd maybe be putted in the same class as Steph... Wait. That wasn't really useful. If we got together again, including Carlynn, they'd know I was the same. They'd find out.
No.
We couldn't be together anymore. I had to cut these ropes also. It was my only chance on a normal life.

That night I slowly packed my stuff, and sat down on the bed, knowing I'd have to find a new home. I'd seen some things on the internet, but none of them were in the woods AND close to Goodlock High. Eventually, after a few more hours of searching, it was far after midnight, I found a cottage. Well, cottage. It was more a sort of castle. Without towers. I called the owner, and accepted his price. I knew I'd have enough money. Also I asked if I could get in it tomorrow. That was no problem, if I didn't wanted anything to be edited. But that was fine. After I hung up, I sat down on the bed again. I wasn't really looking forward to going back to Goodlock. From the inside, I was buried in nerves. What if they'd recognize me? That'd be the beginning of the end.

The next morning I slowly packed the rest of my stuff, and lengthened the time that I would have until I would go to Goodlock. I really didn't wanted to go there, but it was too late now. I couldn't scrabble back now.

Has anyone an idea how to continue this?

[Lasesi]

@ ssǝɹʇsıƜ
Some questions i have that might help you out?

1) Why did she go back to goodlock? I'm still a little fuzzy on that
2) What happened to her? (This big mystery that surrounds her - if i was to guess i'd say maybe werewolf or something of that ilk - perhaps you could have a chapter that explains that? unless you have plans for that later on X3)
3) Will she meet people like her? (Aka if she's a werewolf - other wolves)
4) Why do her and her mother have such a strained relationship?
5) Just a thing I noticed.. .in the prolouge you said " If I would walk right next to them, or in front of them, facing them, they wouldn't even recognize me." But then later go on to say that you had to wear a disguise out of fear of being recognized?
6) Out of curiosity - where did she get all that cash?! Fake passports are expensive, and a downpayment on a apartment is easily $1000 or so... Just as long as there's a reason she has that much money that isn't to sue-ish (aka just having cash because she has cash kind of thing... or parents were super rich etc etc)

Does anyone here have ideas for banshee names? These creatures are not traditional banshees, though. They remind me of Gollem from Lord of the Rings, but more screwed in the head (if that's possible o-o). Some banshees of mine include:
-Half-tail (who is dead)
-Broken-hand (who was first to die)
-Tequila-riser (who is also dead as a result of childbirth. Banshee litters claw their way out of their mother's body, so yes... o-o)
-Great-eye (who coincidently is dead)
-Small-tongue (who just happens to be dead)
-Moon-claw (who is actually alive! <3)

I'm looking for names similar to these. I've been thinking of Ghost-cutter and Shallow-rib for some time now... Any other suggestions? I'm pretty dense right now. x3

I like Ghost-cutter and Shallow-rib (just saying)
I've actually been dwelling on this for about a day you know, since i saw you post it yesterday. And i'm not gonna lie - coming up with names that aren't... stupid or cringe-worthy is HARD! but some suggestions (That are stupid and cringe-worthy o3o)

Black-tooth
Singe-breath
Green-nail
Old-Ore
Sun-Bark

Hehhhhhhh.... *goes to hide in my fail corner*

[~Celestia~]

Does anyone here have ideas for banshee names? These creatures are not traditional banshees, though. They remind me of Gollem from Lord of the Rings, but more screwed in the head (if that's possible o-o). Some banshees of mine include:
-Half-tail (who is dead)
-Broken-hand (who was first to die)
-Tequila-riser (who is also dead as a result of childbirth. Banshee litters claw their way out of their mother's body, so yes... o-o)
-Great-eye (who coincidently is dead)
-Small-tongue (who just happens to be dead)
-Moon-claw (who is actually alive! <3)

I'm looking for names similar to these. I've been thinking of Ghost-cutter and Shallow-rib for some time now... Any other suggestions? I'm pretty dense right now. x3

I like Ghost-cutter and Shallow-rib (just saying)
I've actually been dwelling on this for about a day you know, since i saw you post it yesterday. And i'm not gonna lie - coming up with names that aren't... stupid or cringe-worthy is HARD! but some suggestions (That are stupid and cringe-worthy o3o)

Black-tooth
Singe-breath
Green-nail
Old-Ore
Sun-Bark

Hehhhhhhh.... *goes to hide in my fail corner*

I reckon I could formulate something with those. Well, something based on those anyways. x3 I've barely had a name with 'tooth' in it before, nor 'nail'. And since Moon has just been shot, I'll have to sit down all day to create new banshees. Yay.

Yeas, it's excruciatingly painful comin' up with names that don't resemble 'warrior cats' (whatever they are, since I've never read any of the books). Thankyoou for the support. :3

[Lasesi]

Ok, So it's midnight, and i can't sleep. Of course, that being the case, my mind has been jumping all over the place until, suddenly, out of nowhere *POOF* New story idea.

My initial reaction: *Oh *insert swearword here*
My second reaction: "Go away, i don't want you."
My third reaction, after much pestering for a good hour, and complete non-sleepiness: "Fine. If you promise to let me sleep afterwards."

It's not very often that this happens to me with a completely new idea, but when it does... it can be somewhat refreshing X3 I've found that for this story (which I will probably not work on too much.. i've quelled my original urge o3o) i've had to step out of my comfort zone and write about a theme i particularly despise: The Apocalypse.

The first few lines:

It happened quickly. The end of the world. A single night, a single hour, hell, a single second was all it took. Nukes, that’s what I heard. Someone fired a nuke at Washington DC. I don’t even know if we retaliated. The only thing I know for sure is that it set off some chain reaction to each and every hidden warhead on the east coast. The result? Instant destruction of over half of America. The ones who died in that blast? They… They were the lucky ones. The rest of us? The rest of sit and await our fate.

I'm not even happy with it. Lol. It's awful, but i've managed to spew out about 3 pages in less than an hour, and i feel much better now ^_^ Still not sure what I want to do with it, but i have some ideas. I might keep it a short story... dunno... But let me tell you - writing about finding dead pets... not easy ¬.¬ i cried. Ha.

Hehe i feel like i'm writing a journal entry right now X3 i bet nobody will even care. But i is tired, so ima ramble cause i can! Whooosh!

*Flies away*