meerkatgirl wrote:I haven't even been to this version of the thread, and didn't go on the old one for four or five months, I think. I told myself to stop posting because every single one is just me ranting anyways. Not that much has changed, but honestly, I have no one to actually talk to, because I've never even told anyone in real life about the guy I like - C.
It's not that I was confused, it's just that I haven't wanted to admit anything to myself. A lot's changed though. In four days, it will have been 4 years and 8 months since we met, and since I started to like him. I promised myself months ago that if five years passed and I still liked him, maybe I was in love with him. I broke that promise about a day later. I love him. It's been almost five years, and I still haven't given up, i still get that stupid feeling in my stomach when I see him, even for just a second. We haven't talked in 10 months so far, and I still can't breathe when I look at him. It's like the whole world stops and it's just him, or however the cliche goes.
And I hate it. I wish I could hate him or something, because it's much easier to pretend someone doesn't exist when you hate them, or at least feel nothing towards them. We've (or rather, he has)been pretending that we're complete strangers for 10 months, and he doesn't even glance at me anymore. Funny, I thought we were pretty good friend last year. Yes, he's being immature, but then again, I'm immature too. We both screwed it up, and we both know that, just don't want to admit it. There's still this part of me that thinks he still likes me, from the way he obviously forces himself to go out of his way to avoid me, but there's nothing I can do. I hate it, but it's the truth.
The thing that really sucks though, is that I can't move on. I've tried, trust me, but I compare everyone I meet to him. I've had simple crushes on a few guys, but they went away after a week or so, and it was more my brain trying to convince myself that I had moved on anyway. It really doesn't help that we're practically the same person - we like the same things, have the same sense of humor, same opinion - I sometimes think I have more things in common with him than any of my friends. He's just one of those people who really aren't that special, but to you they're just perfect. Yeah, you can see their imperfections and problems, but for some stupid reason that just makes them better. It makes them real, human. It's what makes them impossible to forget.
Honestly, I didn't mean to write this much, but I should probably cut myself off now anyway. I could go on for pages and pages about him though. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about him. I don't think I've forgotten him in years. It makes letting go that much harder. and in the end? I don't think I'm ever going to forget him. Or get over him for that matter. Yeah I've accepted it, but that doesn't mean I don't hate it. I don't even know why I'm posting this, other than the fact that I just want to tell someone, anyone. It's like I just want the reassurance that someone else is as stupid over someone as I am, even though they have no chance whatsoever at getting them.
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So, good luck everyone else. Don't make the same mistake I did and try to forget someone who's important. You'll grow up, get over yourself, and realize it was the stupidest thing you've ever done.
~MG
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