by _rιyα_ » Wed Nov 27, 2019 3:10 pm
hey guys, me (again) 💕
so, i thought about the note. i wrote it out and everything, but i can't bring myself to do it. he's just,,, too good. i feel like if i gave it to him, it'd just make things awkward & weird, and i really don't want to do that. yeah, i want things to happen, but not those things. i want to know if he likes me, but i don't want to be rejected badly (is there such thing as a good rejection? :')) i want to be able to have him know how i feel, but even thinking about giving the note is making me shake rn. i just really don't want to be disappointed or laughed at, even though he might consider liking me back.
today, i got him on the subject of prom. i asked if any of my friends in my fourth period were going to semi formal, and they all said no, because it's going to be full of underclassmen. well, i was kinda like "but it's our last year to go... i guess we have prom..." he asked if (more like said that) i went to prom last year, and i said "yeah, 3rd wheeling yet again." he kinda laughed (this is like an inside joke; i'm always third wheeling with my sis and her bf, and i've talked to him about it) he was like "so why don't you get a date, or bring a friend or something?" i said this: "dates? friends? what are those?" i felt so good about it atm, because he laughed pretty hard off of that, but now i feel like that was a subtle way of him asking why i don't have a bf/if i'm with anyone etc. maybe i'm reading too much into it?
anyways, i just,, can't really bring myself to tell him. I don't want things to change for the worse; god forbid he stop talking to me or smthn like that. and he's not really that type of person, but I feel like even if he did like me back, it'd make things soooo awkward, and we'd stop talking anyways. besides, what is there to like about me? (i know y'all are probably thinking, "oh, it's one of those girls, the ones who insist that they're ugly and fat and blah blah blah," but compared to him, i honestly am. and it doesn't matter how much people tell me I'm not; I just can't agree. I honestly don't see myself that way, and I know that I sound like a dumb teenager, but I can't help it). anyways, back to the point: I can't do it. I can't confess, I'm too afraid/nervous/self-deprecating.
do any of you guys have some cute success stories, to motivate me? if not, do any of you have any tips, for anything i've said? I know I don't always reply, but I appreciate each and every response 💕
((also, I'd appreciate thought out, mature responses. nothing against anyone, but the "it'll all be fine, just do it" responses don't really help, and I'd like a more mature, experienced take on this. but if you feel you know a solution, feel free to respond ❤ ))
⊱ 
