Write a Letter You Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[versemi]

dear n,

we've come a long way in 6 months of dating and who knows how many months on-top of that of just talking and being friends. i've opened up a lot to you and you've opened up a lot to me. you deal with my mood swings and depressive states almost perfectly. it would be perfect if you were here with me, but sadly neither of us can fix that at the moment. i don't have a hard time writing sweet things about you or to you when you don't ask for them, but when you ask for them my mind freezes up and it's almost as if i can't write how i feel anymore.
i remember when we first started snapchatting, and one of the very first things i said was something along the lines of "is that really your name? it's so unique, i love it!" now i know you get that a lot, but i meant it when i said that i loved it. so many people are named haley but i have never once met anyone else who shared a name with you.
i know i haven't been doing my best lately, but i want you to know that i've meant everything i've said recently, all the heartfelt stuff and lovey dovey stuff. you're a senior now and your school starts a whole week and a day before mine does, so it's been really hard not talking to you all day like i got use to over the summer. it doesn't help that i have volleyball practice pretty much right after you get out of school. i know you talk to other girls when i'm gone, i know i shouldn't worry about them because they really are just friends, but i can't help it. i know you're a natural flirt, but when i said "it's okay," i don't know if you realized that meant "it hurt but it's okay, just please try not to do it anymore" or if you thought it was a free pass to continue doing it. long distance relationships can be really hard, but i want you to know that you've been worth every second of it. i know that many people would probably just classify us as "dumb teenagers in love," but i want to spend the rest of my life with you. we met on a silly mouse game, the same one that i met one of the worst people i've met so far on. you helped me through that. i'll never be able to repay you or thank you enough for that.
i worry a lot that we won't last, that we won't meet next summer, that you'll either find someone better or new or not as boring or just wake up one morning and realize that you won't be happy with me long-term or that you're just no longer in love with me. i fear that every time i bring this up, i'm jinxing it so that it will happen which is a terrifying thought. i want to snap out of this thought process, i really do.
a few days ago i said that i wouldn't hold anything against you if you left, but i know i'd hold the promises and the future that we planned against you. it's human nature, right? i love you too much to lose you and not show the hurt and the pain.
i'm still a little upset that you cut your hair, but it'll grow back!! you said you'll grow it out for me which is so so nice. i'm sorry that i don't handle change very well, but you do really well with it.
it was so sweet when you first said that you wanted to have a future with me because that's what i want, a future with you. i know you couldn't be my first, and i'm still so sorry for that, but i want you to be my last.
we both have our insecurities and worries, but i want you to know that i love you for all of that. i love you for you. we share pretty much the same worries, but you handle mine so so much better than i can handle yours. i'm so so so thankful for you.
i regret saying that i couldn't handle it if you got mad and yelled again because that's a part of you that i need to embrace. things happen, i shouldn't have made you cover up that part of you. i did it because i was scared you were going to be just like joe, but you're not just like him. you just have a flaw that reminds me a lot of him. i'm sorry.
you've made me life so much better, and i'm excited yet anxious and scared and nervous to see what the future holds. i hope it holds you, babe.

with love, haley

maybe i'll write a follow-up later on

[nyctophilia]

Mom & Dad,
Where do I begin? Last night was... unexpected. In fact, it totally caught me off-guard. But it just felt right, I just felt-
I wanted to come clean. I wanted to tell you. I didn't want to hide behind this smile anymore, I didn't want to act like I was.
I want answers, I want to know Him, I want to have Him in my heart. I know all this time you've just assumed that, since I was raised in a family like ours,
that I had no shadow of a doubt. But I don't believe...
I don't, I don't fully, but I want to. I want to so badly. I have so many questions. There's so much I don't understand that I want to understand.
I want that connection, just like you, just like my brothers, just like everyone around me.
How can they make it look so easy? How can they seem like they know so much? How can they have no doubts at all,
how can they have such deep faith? I want that! Last night's conversation was so important to me. I want to keep talking about this. I'm sorry if I upset you somehow, with the things I said, with the questions
I asked. But I'm seeking. Because I want to know, I want to feel, I want to have Him in my heart, I want that connection, I want those tears of joy in my eyes. Last night... was so important.
This is the beginning of something so big for me. This is the beginning, and I know that with your help and guidance, I can figure this out.
Will you help me? Will you be patient? Will you be understanding? Do you judge me because of this...?
What will they all think of me, if they find out? Will you tell them about my struggle? Will you spread this like gossip?
I'm scared of that. I laid out my heart and my brain and everything I was feeling. I want to trust you with that,
I want to trust you to help me through this process. I know you will be there for me... right?

[LizzytheWolf]

Justin,

You're my sunshine, I'd do anything for you.

All my love,
- Lizzy

[Silverstar]

to: F.

thank you for always being there for me.
you are the best person in my life and I owe you so much.
I never want to lose you, because
you were the one that helped me to get out of my depression when it was at its worst.

you were the one that made me strong.

[regular;]

dear j,
look, i know you're with him & that you claim to love him
but something tells me you still love me.
and i'm not okay with you doing that while in a relationship.
your boyfriend deserves the world & i'm not sure he is your world.
maybe i'm wrong, but right before you dated him you said you liked both of us.
and even though you get into a relationship, doesn't mean feelings for others vanish.
be honest with yourself. do you still love me?
and if you do, please don't tell me. i'm straight & i don't want to go through this issue again with you.

dear r,
i love you, but when you said you loved me i didn't say it back.
and that's because i don't believe you.

dear t,
god do i miss you.
i miss hearing your laugh, seeing your smile,
and most importantly being the reason both of those things happen.
problem is i really like you, but our families are so close.
i just don't want something to happen between us
and then ruin it. it would cause so much tension and awkwardness.
at least, i think. plus you wouldn't tell me if you liked me anyway.
i don't know what i'm supposed to do.
i can't control feelings.

[vicasterology]

dear macy,

i'm so glad i cut you off. you were horrible to me and it's time i realized that. if things go as planned, this will be my last post about you on this thread. or on any thread.

dear ally,

i'm sorry i had to break up with you. i really liked you at first, but as time went on, i felt nothing. this relationship just made me sad and it was just best for my mental health if i left. you did nothing wrong, but please stop acting like we're still together. i miss when we were just friends, but now i find myself avoiding you whenever you text because you act the same way you did when we were together. i just want things to be back to normal.

dear teagan,

i miss you. god i miss you so much. we were perfect together. i know you said it would be best for me if i found someone else, but how am i supposed to do that when all i can think of is you? i wish i had tried harder to keep you in my life when you said those words, but i was terrified of overstepping my boundaries and saying something that was straight up abusive. i want you back, and we ended things on good terms, so i'm hoping you'll still want me back when i finally get the confidence to talk to you about it. i was my best self when we were together. we had nearly everything in common, and we worked to share the things we didn't have in common. we were perfect together, and my friends often said they were jealous of how good we were. sometimes i'll post things on my wattpad knowing that you still follow me, but i doubt you'll see it because you probably don't check my page as obsessively as i do yours. i love and miss you and i hope we can rekindle what we had.


-hayes

[Verbiage]

Dear D,

I hope your proud with who I've become. I know I'm not the son you wanted but if you could love me as who I am and who I want to be, that would mean the world to me. I know when I was younger you didn't think I would care, but I do. And even though M was right, you didn't listen and forgot about me. You didn't want anything to do with me, you treated my siblings like they were the greatest and most precious things to walk the earth and not me. that's fine. M still loves me for me and I'm fine with that.
Maybe one day you'll come around. :^)

Dean

[calculator]

dear jax,
it's been a long time, not even a warning was given. you went back to jail i heard? must have drained your mental health a lot.. i'm so sorry, but you have to pay the price for what you did even if it wasn't the most extreme thing in our eyes. love you always.. ♥

dear jeremy,
don't think you understand how many nights at summer camp this week i stayed up thinking about you, wondering if you were thinking about me too.. doubt it. good luck

[dearvo]

dear a,
i'm so sorry you got stuck with him as your dad? you're such a good and cool person and you deserve a good dad at the very least but instead you've got .. him. i wish we could all just disown him and never think about him ever again but i know you love him and that would probably hurt you .... i can't believe he sold all that stuff, that was part of our family's history and it wasn't his to sell but he did it anyway ?? i mean that's not the worst thing he's done and that's not why i think we should disown him but i still can't believe it
anyway, i'm happy knowing you'll be away from him soon, i hope things are going okay!
love, your cousin

dear k,
i can't believe you sold that stuff what's wrong with you . do you not care about your family history? your dad? your brother? how can you be so heartless? (that's a question for all your actions, not just the selling thing)
disrespectfully, me (someone who is ashamed to be related to you)

dear c,
i can't really tell what you think about most of the things i say so it's a bit hard for me to talk to you but i figure you must like me at least a little because you gave me takumi which is my dream ssr ???
thank you for being so generous, i promise to try harder to figure out what i should say around you!
your pal, g

dear r,
i'm sorry i can't figure out how to say my feelings in a meaningful way! i want to write nice paragraphs about why you're the best but i can't word my thoughts properly
also i might hold back my love a lot but it's always there
affectionately, gray

[kunikida]

Dear C,

What did I do? For months, that is all that's been on my mind. We had a perfect friendship, in my eyes. You made me so happy just with your presence. You know how I used to say how much I loved your cologne and you'd call me creepy and ask why I was sniffing you? That smell, that god awful smell. I can tell whenever you're around because it'll invade my sinuses. I've been coping quite well, but whenever you sit nearby me in a class, or walk past me in the courtyard, your cologne will hit me and I'll tear up. Every time. I don't know if you've found a new best friend yet, but I hope he/she treats you better than I did - even though I tried to give you the entire world.

Dear M,

You're the only loyal one I have left, the only one who I can trust to never ever hurt me. I love you. Also your boyfriend is a sulk.

Dear S,

Why do you act the way you do around me? You're a great friend, but you're being ridiculous. The bond we have currently is amazing, but I really doubt you'll be able to replace C. It happened a while back, sure. But it's still fresh in my mind that I don't have him anymore. Give me some time, please.

Dear D,

You hurt me sometimes, sure. But in the end it's worth the pain. You only ever really try to keep me happy and I know I'm high maintenance. So thank you for sticking around after all these years. You're the best boyfriend, and I love you.

Finally, Dear R.

You, are a god. You don't deserve anything that's happening to you right now. I hope I can meet you one day. You mean everything to me. I love you very, very much.