TheComfortCorner | V.10

[survira]

a little anxious because there's a lot coming up in the next month that i AM prepared for but still kinda overwhelmed by. not even bad things lol. literally just my usual work which always picks up at this time of year. on top of that though is this crush i'm dealing with that is literally reciprocated and we're planning to hang out together a lot more in the next month, but i literally make myself sick over it even though there's nothing but positivity going on lol. maybe i still have a pit in my stomach because of my best friend (who is my ex as of last yr) who's REALLY struggling with me being into someone else and he's been doing a poor job processing his feelings. it's only as of a week ago that we're having some "no contact" time so he can get over this stuff, but from what i've heard so far not a lot of progress has really been made. and if distance doesn't help at all i dont know what else will because we've kind of exhausted all other options. i do NOT want to lose him as a friend because that would suck so bad. and i know he doesnt want that either. he just needs to get over his ego as well as actually focus on himself for once because i'm only realizing now that his codependency on me for his happiness is a little concerning lol. like it's bad. i'm hoping this distance and my other closest friend being a shoulder for him to lean on through all this will help him. HOWEVER i also shouldn't let his own struggles affect things for me this much because that's unfair. i shouldn't feel guilt or shame for pursuing this new person that i'm genuinely so interested in and connected to and want to spend time with more. my friend's issue with thinking he's getting "replaced" by someone else or his jealousy getting in the way has already kind of soured some things for me tbh, which is hard to admit. i want to enjoy this time i have by myself right now and not feel shame over it or weird about it. and i'm hoping that it's sometime after Halloween that he reconnects with me again because i already know it'll be awkward if he ends up coming to my house for the party i'm hosting this year since my crush will be there as well, and idk what our relationship status will even be at that point. we could be together at that point for all we know. we're taking it slow which is nice. but i already know i don't really want my friend to be there for the party LOL and that's not because i don't actually want him there, but because i know he'll see me being close with this other person and he'll likely fall off the wagon again completely. and i don't want to have to pick up the pieces

[halo]

>:( ughhhhh, either i have a major bellyache or my pms is flaring up. i haven’t gotten my period in nearly four months. STAY AWAYYYYYYYYYY

[sinensys]

i guess i really am constantly workshopping how i move: how i point, how i smile, how i tilt my head and how i hum are things i actively reexamine and adjust if needed. feels like i just keep trading masks the way i can see where i got each from, each mannerism plucked from tangible sources, from other people. it looks like others, but when i wear them, i feel like me. it's strange. i sometimes wonder if others can pick out my sources.

how many do the same? intentionally? will finding out even make me feel better about it?

i feel like a puppet's shadow, shaped to appeal to me and hopefully others. i like how i do this, but i fear sounding insane when i say i've practiced my smile and laughing face.

[nobxdy]

im at my sister's house right now, staying here until tomorrow then heading back home, and i should be happy to see her and having a good time but little things here and there are just annoying me. Like she used to be understanding and open-minded before she had this whole "awakening" but now she just attributes everything to religion no matter what we're talking about. Like it's okay to be proud of where you're at and how you're living your life, there's nothing wrong with that, but she revolves her life around it and condemns others who don't when she was never like that before. And it seems like all she wants to talk about is religion. I want to talk about other things and just have a good time without all of that. Like we were driving to the mall and saw someone had a trans pride sticker on their bumper infront of us, and just had to point it out in a snotty way. She was like "and look, they have a trans pride sticker" and all i said was "good." Like let others be how they want to be. She even knows I'm bi, and never had an issue with it, but now it seems like she's trying to get me to change and I don't like that at all. She says that her "work bestie" is proudly genderfluid and a furry so "they're weird for that" and "it's just wrong." She says the devil is making them this way. That doesn't make me feel good at all 'cause obviously I have fursonas and i feel genderfluid in a number of ways. It just hurts and I don't feel welcomed or appreciated. I kind of cant wait until im back home.

[Lexadaisy]

New manager is rude and only ever criticizes instead of praises. It’s made me dread going to work and honestly I’m this close to quitting despite not having anything else lined up.

[lukes]

all things considered this is probably just a mild inconvenience but the fact that my internet has suddenly dipped to an all time low speed that resembles dial up is so annoying and frustrating for me right now... im trying to manage my online gallery and i cant do so when the speed is so bad... barely anything loads. i feel like i should just attempt another day but my stupid neurodivergent brain wants me to keep hyperfocusing on it so im just.. wasting time, staring, waiting, endlessly hoping to no avail
i had a really bad day yesterday so im just. sigh

[sinensys]

today i have felt restless. i wish i could say it is for reasons unknown, but i suspect this is a lie. i haven't been diligent enough, consistent enough, tempered enough. today my heart has raced, and my body has refused to sit still in my chair to work, and my hands have begun shaking. i feel fast, yet slow, a reminder that the brain matter yields to chemical whims within. i know i should fear its consequences and try to control it. should, however, never comes --- only don't does.

tldr; hypomania sucks. remember, if a man in a dark alley approaches you and, upon opening his trench coat, asks, "hey kid, wanna buy some bipolar 2?" tell him no lmao

[tom cruise]

I injured my knee over-exercising, so I have to be sedentary a few weeks until it gets better. But I don't like NOT moving. Sitting around makes me feel depressed.

[Beetle3ite]

I can’t believe I associated that song with you

[NiightCult]

im so tired of fighting with people. im tired of being around people who do nothing but drain me. im tired of people pleasing and living for others instead of myself. i want to change, i want to break free and heal from this but i feel so chained here, like i can't leave. if i did leave it'd make everything worse. im barely coping anymore im barely getting by i haven't slept properly or eaten properly in weeks im constantly in pain and super tired i just want a break y'know? i want somebody to just..hold me and calm me down and let me just exist. just simply exist. the people im around are so draining i really can't take much more of it. i want to be around people who care. who really care. the way my "friend" is treating me is really weighing so heavy on me too. i should allow myself to move on but i can't. i was doing so well. i was healing. i came crashing down so hard. i know people say healing isn't linear but i can't help but feel so discouraged by my failure. it's so hard to get over a loss that's still living. god. i just want to disappear.