TheComfortCorner | V.10

[stardustreserve]

this will never end, i wish it didn’t have to define my whole life
why can’t, for once, i be happy
why does it happen to all these other people but not me?
why do i have to carry all these burdens on my back every single day?
why do i have to carry the weight of the world and drag it along with me every single second of my existence?
maybe it’s just a choice i made a long time ago, maybe it’s because i refuse to conform and be just like everyone else and that means i can’t even let myself be happy because part of it feels like letting yourself be soft and weak and vulnerable, it feels like conforming and becoming as simple and weak as everyone else
i just want it to be over
i don’t even care what my life looks like as long as i have peace of mind for once, as long as i’m not carrying this weight for once
i just want to rest

[♥ mizu]

i mourn the mother i should've had every day. i absolutely hate what you did to me. there are so many things you should've done and taught me how to do, but it's not fair to expect things of people. it's not good to compare.

there are so many ways you hurt the people around you, but right now my beloved horse is what comes to mind. harley was such a good boy. he was so kind, had such loving eyes. he was emotionally neglected in his old home, and, because of that, grew very attached to those around him. he had severe abandonment issues. but, you, being a first time buyer who knew nothing of horses and who wanted to surprise me, purchased him. of course i fell in love. i could feel his love, too. he was loved. so dearly loved.

but of course you did not know how to take care of him and refused to learn. your paranoia made you think people were trying to scam you and you didn't trust anyone's advice. we went through so many barns that the closest barn that'd take us was an hour away. it wasn't even a barn. it was a hobby farm and was so run down looking i didn't even want to go. i couldn't even ride him.

you are such a selfish fool. my poor, sweet boy should've been exercised at least twice weekly - at least. but we left him for months upon months - maybe even a year and a half at one point - without visiting. you refused to drive so far away because of the gas. i was so angry already. i missed my boy, and whenever he saw me i could tell he recognized me. that's the worst part. my sweet boy still loved me.

that was until i checked your phone. all you did was scroll on reels. i'm not exaggerating - 13 hours was your daily average, on instagram alone. you would've been an idiot to not see the mountain of texts the barn owner was sending you, detailing harley's deteriorating condition. he had a variety of issues and you hadn't paid for his farrier bills or anything. the lady had to do it, because you obviously can't just not trim a horse's feet. she had to pay for his grain, too. i was utterly distraught and you couldn't care less. you thought she was lying. you absolute imbecile. you know nothing about horses and yet you argued with me about the most basic care. you refused to sell him when i asked and when the lady offered to take him.

i had to beg on my hands and knees for you to let him go. i literally had to sob and grovel on the ground for you to listen to me because your ego wouldn't let you lose. "we'll take him elsewhere", except i didn't want anything to do with him anymore. i couldn't bear the thought of letting my sweet boy be so neglected by you. can you picture that? can you imagine how it felt? horses are the one thing in the world i love most. they are my entire identity. everyone knows this. my room is full of horses, i only play horse games, all i talk about are horses, i only read horse books. i LOVE horses. he was all i could've ever wanted, and to beg and plead and scream for you to sell my baby was traumatic and i don't use that word ever.

i was still young when this happened and i hate what you made me do and how you made me feel. you still argue that you did nothing wrong. i never was able to say goodbye to harley. not once. he has no idea what happened to me. my baby is out there and i have no idea what happened to him or where he went. i'm too ashamed to ask the woman because she asked for his papers and i told her i'd find them but they were lost in YOUR hoard. my sweet harley was such an incredible horse and he was ruined by you. an utterly gorgeous, registered paint horse with the kindest temperament and smoothest gaits.

but, when i think about it, you really did only buy him for yourself. you wanted to impress the other wives at my school by buying your daughter a horse. you thought it made you such a great mother, i know you did. he was my first horse, and you basically bought a rescue case? he had so many emotional issues and wasn't entirely safe. not only that, i ride strictly english... you bought a paint horse? for an english rider? his tack looked so odd on him. why would you buy this really exceptional western horse for an english rider? i know, because YOUR favourite breed was paints. that's the only breed you know! you know NOTHING and yet you think you know everything! it drives me insane because you still think you were the victim, but my sweet boy is out there somewhere. i'm terrified he went to the auction.

-

i hate having no relationship with my mother. all the girls at my school were clearly raised by other people but i raised myself because even my sister moved out before i remember. i don't know how to do my hair. i don't know anything about makeup. i have so few decent clothes. i don't know anything about skincare, or perfume, or the like. you would've never bought it for me anyway. you say that perfume and makeup and jewelry are your passions yet you never would've genuinely wanted to share them with me. you've always been such an insecure woman and your casual, demeaning comments on the appearance of both myself and others almost made me the same way. you bought me the first perfume i've ever gotten from you last christmas and even i could tell it was horribly cheap. it smelled of alcohol. i've worn it twice and even the other students at school asked what it was (thank god they didn't know it was me). never again. when you were younger, you spent so much on luxury products for yourself. i'm not entitled to the same treatment but for once in my life i wish you gave me something actually meaningful. you've never put thought into anything further than how it would benefit you and this is why you almost died alone in a hospital bed.

i didn't even want to come visit you. what a waste of gas. it's a bloody miracle you got out considering your karma.

[LittleMaple]

so the other week my best friend and their partner broke up and since i call them dad and mom i joked i was a child of divorce. well tonight over mcdonalds dinner my actual parents told me they're getting a divorce. its on good terms and they still love me and all that jazz, they just fell out of love with each other. and im happy that i wont have to deal with them arguing passive aggresively or being sad but. my whole life has been changed, the day before school starts. i dont know if i even trust myself to drive tomorrow, but i dont want either of them to drive me so yeah. im doing better after calling one of my friends but its like. a terrible dream i cant wake up from. my stomach hurts. i dont know how to feel.

[tom cruise]

Not only do feet look stupid, but they're easy to permanently damage and cause a domino effect of damage to the rest of the body. Man i love feet and i love bunions and hobbling around like a bowlegged geriatric when it isn't leg day

[scottermite]

i still feel empty but it's different now. i still think about him all the time but it's different now. it's impersonal and detached. i still say all things i said to myself before, but without the same weight. i try not to say things i don't mean, but if it's just to myself, i'm exploring the thoughts i could have; there's nobody around for it to affect. i suppose that's why he doesn't want to talk to me. i want a hug. it's been so cold for so long, but i think it's starting to warm up... maybe in the coming months i'll start to hate the warmth. hate the very thought of it. it's happened before. it's starting to look a lot like last time, actually. maybe it's too early to be so pessimistic, but what if it never goes right?

it sucks so much that i am the way i am. by my nature my feelings are useless and horrible and only cause problems. there's no point in asking why, because i know, i know in blatant detail why i am this way. everything's unfair, and it's unfair that i am this person, that i was this person, that i will continue to live this life. it's just the way it is. it's nearly impossible for someone to love me, nearly impossible for me to love someone (and, god, the strings attached...), completely impossible for it not to cause a thousand problems. well, he's not helping the situation. it's probably because he's in some way similar... or i hope so, because if not, then i'm clearly no longer a helpless victim. and i need to be a helpless victim. every time i step out of that comfortable role i am disgusted with myself. and besides, the only person i could say i had some kind of 'relationship' with made it clear what and how i ought to be. i had a dream where i found out he was 21, which really is quite telling in my opinion.

[Meowmocha]

Been longing to do something for a long while, but haven't because I've been trying to stick it out. But now I'm just gonna go for it.
But the thing is, the circumstances which finally led me make this move are just... it makes it hollow. When I walk away, it's not boldly, not simply because I said 'enough is enough'. It's because I'm being pushed in this direction now. It's because there's not much point staying any more, because it'll probably blow up in my face if I stay.
And I hate that it'll seem like I'm leaving with my tail between my legs. I hate that I made some stupid mistake that's apparently being blown to huge proportions. I hate that no matter what I did, it was wrong. I wanted to leave so badly, but I hate the reason I'm leaving. I wanted to leave this crummy situation on my terms, but instead I'm ashamed of myself. And I'm angry, and I'm frustrated, and I just want it over and done with, swept under the rug, don't have to deal with any of it anymore.
I'm so sick of this. So sick of everything to do with this whole mess. I wish I had burned that bridge already. I wish that trying to be responsible and not foolhardy hadn't all gone wrong anyhow, I wish I was stronger than this, wish I was a different person than this. I wish things had been different, wish I could have dealt with things better. I'm just tired.

[LittleMaple]

I have seen my father cry twice in the past two days. The only time I remember my father crying before this was my sister's wedding 6 years ago. He may be moving out as soon as this weekend. I dont know if I can go to school once he's gone. I dont know if I can live. Im thinking about the divorce almost every waking moment, especially when im home. I hage my life

Im in agony

[beignet]

i don't know how i will go to work tomorrow, if at all. if i feel better, surely i will. but i feel dreadfully
again, i just am feeling so disheartened by this sudden worsening of my health. it's so difficult to do anything, exhausting too.
and we are hardly staying afloat financially...it's all just overwhelming

[^RukaDog^]

I needa rant about something that annoyed me SO MUCH. I was at the shops with one of my friends who also likes K-pop. We were lining up to get boost juice (if u don’t know what that is since it’s an Australian thing google it lol, it’s rllyyyy good) and this girl comes up to us, maybe abt 15 years old, noticing my friend and me have photocards on our bags. She starts talking to my friend and I, she asks who my friends favourite is in stray kids. I’ll type it like a text if yk what I mean (my friend is A and the girl is G)
G: Oo I like stray kids too
A: omg that’s so cool
G: who’s ur bias?
A: Hyunjin! You?
G:😡😡😡😡😡😡 YOU CANT HAVE HIM AS A FAVOURITE HES MINE
A: *speechless*
Me:👁️👄👁️
THEN THIS GIRL STARTED HATING ON ITZY IN FRONT OF ME-LIKE GIRL I CAN HEAR U
This is prob the most stupidest rant on this, but it just really annoyed me and now I’m warning you..
STAY AWAY FROM DELULU KPOP STANS

THEN (OOHH YEAH THERES A PART TWO) we were going to this shop, it’s like a technology shop but they also sell some kpop albums, vinyls, cds and stuff like that. I bought an itzy album from their and my friend bought an aespa one (they had no skz ones so it was an impulse buy lol) and we see the girl again, she starts harassing my poor friend saying she’s not a real stray kids fan bc she was buying an aespa album. I can’t make this up…
Ok, the end now. Lol

[weak]

i just miss my cat. i feel so empty and my heart is in devastation.