Crushes, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends | V4

[GrayStar51]

Dream come true. Someone pinch me.

I love horses, I started to lease my first horse this month at a very small, simple, adorable boarding stable. It only has 18 horses there. Its been my second week, and the only Western guy there has his horse's stall across from mine. I was talking to my horse (because everyone does) about all my friends having dates to homecoming and me not. So I asked my horse if he would be my date. I guess this western guy overheard me, and he came over and started talking to me. It ended up with I have a hot country date to homecoming who loves horses. x3

[Vampyrum Spectrum]

WARNING: long post. Someone please help though.

Okay, I was wrong. I'm not feeling better at all. I feel scared, sad, and sick. Once again I talked to my new ex-boyfriend. This time over the phone for an hour. I just kept asking him why he suddenly didn't love me anymore. He said that he did love me, but not as much as he initially thought. So I asked him, well what changed? You don't just wake up one day and not feel the same way about someone. Something had to have happened. What did I do wrong? He had little reason, but said that he regretted breaking up with me and hinted that it was possible we could get back together with time, but not likely this school year.

That just made everything worse. Now I feel like I need to keep hope and try to get him to love me like he used to again but it's probably false hope. My heart doesn't believe it though. It's convinced we'll be back together as soon as school starts tomorrow even though I know that's not true. I feel like I have hope, but I'm not really listening to what he said, am I? He tried breaking up with me at the beginning of this month with the same words; "I'm just not feeling it". But I talked him out of it then and we both agreed that we shouldn't break up and the very next day he told me he couldn't believe how he tried to break up with me. What happened on Monday is just the same thing, yes? That's what my heart keeps telling me to think. That this was a mistake and wasn't supposed to happen and we'll be back together again soon. Which, you have to admit, can be likely. But with time. Lots of time. And it will be painful if he dates someone else between now and then. He said that he wanted to date other people but the specific girl I was paranoid about this whole time and no one in particular he wanted to date. "I'm not that popular" he says.

And in saying that, it just makes me feel like if we did get back together, he'd be settling. Either he would be, or I will be. It almost feels like he inadvertently put me on hold so to speak. He is mistaken, surely. The love never went away, he's just over thinking things. He told me the over-thinking part at least.

My battle plan has been rendered useless by this piece of hope that may or may not be there that I'm clinging to. I just don't know what to do. I'm not ready to try moving on, and I'm not ready to try getting him back--not that I want him back right now anyway. He said right to my face (er... ear...) he didn't love me as much as he thought. And it was the second time he tried breaking up with me, this time succeeding. Who's to say he won't do it again? If we ever got back together, it will NEVER be the same and I might always be worried that I'm not making him happy enough or he's going to change his mind and 'over think things' again.

I know all the facts and emotions and everything laid down before me, but I still can't seem to convince myself or feel or accept that it's over. It doesn't feel like it's over. When you're usually in that denial stage, some part of you knows that it is the end. That part is either so suppressed that I can't feel it, or it's just not there. If it's not there, that gives me more hope that we can get back together.

He's afraid of commitment, but we only dated for three months. He brought up when breaking up with me that he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with me or marry me. Well, I told him that we had only been dating for a short while and you don't decide that you want to marry the person after three months. Especially in High School. But after he just continually said 'sorry'.

I just don't know what to do. I was his first girlfriend, so he doesn't have good--or bad--past relationships like I kind of do to go on. I partly want him to date someone else before we ever get back together but it will kill me to see him with someone else and it will ruin his self-confidence to see me with someone else even though he'd be happy I'm happy. I don't know if I should hold on to the hope, or try to convince myself it's over. Both are just too hard. If I hold onto the hope, I will get crushed if it really is fully over for good. If I try to convince myself it's over, my heart will resist and keep telling me to hold onto the hope and I'll just be back scared, sad, and sick again.

I've been trying to see and figure out what and where we went wrong. It literally doesn't make sense. In July, he said he was in love with me and we were both very happy with each other. Then, the first Sunday of August, he tries breaking up with me, fails, and then the next day regrets trying to break up. The only thing I can think of that happened between July and August is that I got really upset about an important birthday party I wasn't invited to but he was. His supporting argument to 'not feeling it' when he tried breaking up with me was that he thought he wasn't making me happy enough and that there must be someone better out there for me. He repeated the last part quite frequently for the rest of the month and brought up the day before he broke up with me asking "Do you and 'J' (a boyfriend before him) still get along after what you have been through?' And I said that we weren't very close anymore but we're pretty neutral with each other. I wasn't nearly as close or dated J as long as my new ex, plus I dumped J not the other way around so the situations aren't the same but that was really the only warning flag that he was going to break up with me. we went on the rest of that night texting just like normal.

I will say, looking back, I was getting really worried about the relationship. I could tell he was pulling away because he wasn't texting me as much or with the same quality he used to. I brushed it off as him being busy but I see now it was because he had changed. What changed? Still don't know fully. He said on the phone that he didn't like how impulsive I was and I called him a hypocrite because he admitted both break ups that he wasn't thinking or 'over thinking the wrong thing' about them. Still, I just feel like this never should have happened. We both don't seem to fully want it. He just doesn't make sense. He admits it was too fast, that he wasn't thinking or 'over thinking', that maybe it was a mistake, and said that it was likely that we could get back together but 'not before prom or immediately after as I can foresee. But maybe sooner.'

I don't think he's lying or saying what I want to hear. We never lied much to each other and the fact that he listened to me for an hour trying to keep it together, saying to take all the time I want talking to him, means that he cares about me still. He said he wants to help me get through this and that it really is hard for both of us, but again, at the same time, he doesn't seem as upset as I am (well, probably because he was the dumper, not the dumpee)

I just don't know what to do. To whomever actually bothers reading this whole thing, thank you first of all, and please help me figure out what to do. I love him so much and never been more in love with a person, so no matter what I decide or you help me figure out what to do, it will be hard. I know what you'll likely say 'let him go, he hurt you and can just do it again', but I just can't believe that. I know him too well and love him too much for it to be true. Please, please help me.

[Me <3]

I just don't know what to do. I was his first girlfriend, so he doesn't have good--or bad--past relationships like I kind of do to go on. I partly want him to date someone else before we ever get back together but it will kill me to see him with someone else and it will ruin his self-confidence to see me with someone else even though he'd be happy I'm happy. I don't know if I should hold on to the hope, or try to convince myself it's over. Both are just too hard. If I hold onto the hope, I will get crushed if it really is fully over for good. If I try to convince myself it's over, my heart will resist and keep telling me to hold onto the hope and I'll just be back scared, sad, and sick again.

I've been trying to see and figure out what and where we went wrong. It literally doesn't make sense. In July, he said he was in love with me and we were both very happy with each other. Then, the first Sunday of August, he tries breaking up with me, fails, and then the next day regrets trying to break up. The only thing I can think of that happened between July and August is that I got really upset about an important birthday party I wasn't invited to but he was. His supporting argument to 'not feeling it' when he tried breaking up with me was that he thought he wasn't making me happy enough and that there must be someone better out there for me. He repeated the last part quite frequently for the rest of the month and brought up the day before he broke up with me asking "Do you and 'J' (a boyfriend before him) still get along after what you have been through?' And I said that we weren't very close anymore but we're pretty neutral with each other. I wasn't nearly as close or dated J as long as my new ex, plus I dumped J not the other way around so the situations aren't the same but that was really the only warning flag that he was going to break up with me. we went on the rest of that night texting just like normal.

Sorry I took out like 20% of that is was just to long to quote but If you think he is happy when your happy but will be sad if you get a boy friend then don't I'm not saying never love again or jump in his arms and say I love you just let it go. Make some guy or gal friends that are just friends not love. Be with friends and try and get rid of all the love stuff. Just because your single does not mean your going to die I've been single for like ever and I'm just fine. If he loves you he'll try and make up and for if he gets a girl friend this may be hard but try and be friends with her she may be really cool and you may have a lot in common then you know he's in good hands but if she's mean and rude then let him find that out and realize how good you were. I'm sorry if this doesn't help like I've said never been in a relationship but I have been in love BTW.

[Vampyrum Spectrum]

No, that does make sense. It's kind of like a middle road you're giving me. Stay with friends and ignore love because it's okay being single. Problem is, I don't really have friends at school but I do at my tech school and outside of school so I'll stick with them. Then if he realizes he misses me and still loves me, like you said, he'll come after me and I don't need to go after him. However, he's not really a going after a girl kind of person, hence why he's never had a girlfriend before me but there are other reasons too. Then, if he does get a girlfriend, it will hurt but by that time (he'll take a while to get a girlfriend, I'm sure.) I might be over him or have a new crush (not new boyfriend, I'm sick of love and will be for a while.So, my new plan: cozy up to friends, ignore love, and see what happens with time.

Thank you for helping me figure out this elemental. I hope this will work but I'm not totally sure I'm strong enough to try taking this 'middle road' because I have a lot of friend problems at my main school and all my actual friends are outside of my main school, and now I don't even have my boyfriend to pal around with. I'm going to have to eat in the bathroom, literally. but i'll try hard to do this. Thank you again.

[Rated R]

No, that does make sense. It's kind of like a middle road you're giving me. Stay with friends and ignore love because it's okay being single. Problem is, I don't really have friends at school but I do at my tech school and outside of school so I'll stick with them. Then if he realizes he misses me and still loves me, like you said, he'll come after me and I don't need to go after him. However, he's not really a going after a girl kind of person, hence why he's never had a girlfriend before me but there are other reasons too. Then, if he does get a girlfriend, it will hurt but by that time (he'll take a while to get a girlfriend, I'm sure.) I might be over him or have a new crush (not new boyfriend, I'm sick of love and will be for a while.So, my new plan: cozy up to friends, ignore love, and see what happens with time.

Thank you for helping me figure out this elemental. I hope this will work but I'm not totally sure I'm strong enough to try taking this 'middle road' because I have a lot of friend problems at my main school and all my actual friends are outside of my main school, and now I don't even have my boyfriend to pal around with. :( I'm going to have to eat in the bathroom, literally. but i'll try hard to do this. Thank you again.

i read your post and lemme give you a hug
/large snuggly virtual hug to you/

and now, for my thoughts, though i'm glad someone else managed to help you c:
lemme just say something to you,
from one internet stranger/acquaintance to another:
YOU
ARE
SPECIAL.
okay? as wonderful as your guy might have been/might be, you are amazing.
and, you don't need him to keep BEING special.
you will always have a glowing aura around you of happiness and glitter and rainbows.
in fact, let me tell you another thing:
you are the one that probably made HIM special.
okay, now for other real stuff.
as hard as it can be, try to make a few friends.
i know how horribly tough and hard that can be. but you have to try.
go find your people. because, while it might seem like most are different from you, there has to be one person that just clicks.
i think that everyone has a certain eccentricity to them, and that you need to find someone who has an eccentricity that matches yours.
i have to say, i used to have several friends. but now, i have to admit that i have one or two real best friends.
in the end, most of your high school friends probably aren't going to be with you for life.
maybe one or two.
this is only four years of it all, and although it seems like it means a whole lot, in the grand scheme of things it's just a tiny portion.

but i approve of your plan that you described above.
and if you still happen to catch yourself feeling terrible, or having a tough night/day due to all this stuff,
you can either shoot me a pm OR
just think to yourself,
there is someone walking on Earth this very minute who will love me unconditionally. he might not know it yet, but he will soon.
there is someone for you, and if this guy can't see it every time he looks at you, then well, he's probably not it.
he might be partially it, but you are special.
always remember that.

hopefully this helped and not made you more upset or anything. i'm honestly trying to help c;

[Saren]

So my boyfriend and I were on the phone, not really talking about anything important.
Me: I should wash my hair tonight.
Him: I like what you do with your hair.
Me: what, brush it?
Him: Yeah.

...and this is why our relationship has lasted ten and a half months <3

[kay.]

Dunno anymore. Love is too difficult. Realised I still had miniature crushes on two guys I liked before, a huge crush on another guy [Robbie]. Today put an end to the two extra guys, Robbie isn't all that important to me anymore since about a week ago, can't get rid of the last bit of love for him though. Last night had a dream about this guy, I never liked him but we went out on a... REALLY good date in the dream. I woke up, was like awh, emailed my friend about it, she said she thinks he likes me and we should go out. Then I re-thought it, was like we have nothing in common with each other we probably won't even see each other again even though our two different schools aren't that far apart. I always thought him funny though. He is.

Now... I think I kinda like him. Cupid, you left me in confusion too many times, this is one of them. We never really talked, when we did, (he used to go out with a different friend, broke up with her because she had a friend, just a friend, that was a boy) it was threats. But still he never was *really* mean to me. I might hint at him, from experience I know I need to be more plain with boys (Robbie didn't notice me flirting with him when doing little hints).

[Vampyrum Spectrum]

Aw... thank you. ;-; *hug* it's going to be so hard even with my plan. I still want him, but at the same time I don't want him to hurt me again. Tomorrow is going to be rough.

[vanilla kitten]

i'm getting better at this whole ignoring-him thing..

i saw him at the open house, and i didn't talk to him. but i did talk to grandma kay, and he was talking to "our" sister, crystal. which was okay. i did say a thing or two to him, but he came up to us, so i figured it was okay. i'm just not allowing myself to say hi to him. so i guess it was okay. looking bad he kind of seemed a little more excited to see us than he normally is. not because of me though. i think we're friends though. i don't want him back, but i do want to be friends.

[.yuanfen]

-coughs- Does anyone's crush appear in their dreams on occasion? Or is it just me?