by Kyles » Mon Jun 27, 2011 6:45 pm
Dear mom,
I try to please you, to make you smile. I try to make this life just a bit worth your while.
I know you're depressed, and you have a hard life. Being a moody teens mother and a sick man's wife.
I understand that you're lonely and hurt, feeling beat down into miles of dirt.
All I ask, all I plead, is that you please don't make my heart break or bleed.
I do things you ask, I do even more. Hoping some happiness from you is in store.
But it never works, you're always so mad. You're always crying and yelling, it makes me so sad.
I want to help you, to lift you back up. To get you on two stable feet and wipe off the dust.
But you push me away like I don't exist, with a razor blade voice and a hot iron fist.
So what can I do, when all that I say, makes me regret, makes me have to pay.
How can I show you, that you can still smile? That I can help you make this life worth your while?
How can I give back the sweet, golden sun. Give you the power to get up and run?
How can I tell you that you're really loved? That there's no need to get angry at the lord up above?
Don't you know it hurts me when you say I'm bad. That I never make you happy, just angry and sad?
Do I deserve to be pushed down, slapped in the heart? Stabbed in the chest with a poisonous dart?
We used to be best friends you know, or did you forget? Now is your heart only filled with regret?
Do I even matter? Do you even care? Would you shead any tears if I was no longer there?
You force me to ask all these questions each day. When you don't have any more kind words to say.
I've tried and I've tried to show you the light. But no matter what I say, you just want to fight.
The part of my heart where you used to be, you tore it out, you threw it at me.
So I'm giving up, I'll leave you be. I'm not the daughter you wanted to see.
I'm sorry I couldn't give you more love. Even though every night I gave you big hugs.
I said that I loved you with a genuine smile, because I was glad to be your one child.
But as the years passed, your hugs got weak. When I said I loved you, you didn't speak.
I realize now, that I'll never matter. Thanks for the heart, you should know that it's shattered.
"When one tries to master something, it ends in either success or failure. But it is in the attempt itself where you find the true value. Believe in your own power and walk your own path." ~Oki