TheComfortCorner | V.10

[amaoretto]

//grandma nearing end of life

my grandma is nearing the end of her life and im having such a hard time processing this. i’m an adult with no way to process this.
she hasn’t been fully awake since monday and hasn’t eaten/drank anything since then.
i’ve been visiting her these last few days with my family and when i left i sobbed the whole way home since it may have been the last time i’ll see her. this is sad, absolutely. but what really gets me is my dad is losing his mom, and my grandpa is losing his wife of 60 years im feeling so much for them right now

she’s just passed. i don’t know how to process this. she was the nicest lady in the world and now she’s gone.

[♥ mizu]

1. bro i cannot tell if i'm playing with my own feelings or not T.T having a crush feels so fun and silly and i forgot how fun it was. but i doubt anything will come of this, which sucks! i don't think i'll do anything about it, maybe... it's all i can think of sometimes. he's such a dork

2. math is.. so difficult. i don't understand it. you know, i can understand it when others explain it to me. i can even answer questions with prompting and it makes sense in the moment. but if you leave me alone? no. doesn't make sense to me. i cannot do it fully on my own.

and it kills me so much, because i used to be such a mathematical weapon. my teachers had to tell me to let others answer. but i moved to this school and everything changed. if little me could see how future her is in math, she would be so disappointed and frustrated. she never felt stupid, but i do. :(

3. a positive vent, but i love my friends so much :) they are so kind, so sweet. so silly. so accepting. i sat with [jenny] and [james] today. jenny and james were arguing about politics in their home country and i was trying to iron things out between them because they're both very passionate. it ended up turning into a discussion about how we will always love each other as friends despite our differences ToT </3 jenny and i were cuddling lol it was SO comfortable. i am so loved and so full of love at school. it truly makes me feel like i belong. even james (<3) says that i am smart when i was joking i was stupid today :) heart is constantly fluttering fr

another thing so i don't double post:

i really hate the social part of toyhouse. it feels SO unfriendly even though i've never technically had a negative interaction with anyone. everyone just feels so condescending idk how to describe it. every time i browse the threads i leave feeling uncomfortable even if the threads are positive. this is definitely a me thing tho

[sinensys]

i think my psychiatrist is starting to realize i don't like him. but maybe he shouldn't have brought in psionics and the bible, even as a metaphor, into a session without prior discussion. that's on him. when i told him i didn't like it this last session, he backpedaled and tried to justify that it was a metaphor and tried to bring up metaphysics again. to a damn electrical engineering student. idiot. but now i'm "combative" and "cutting" and i need to be looked at with pity and asked if everything's okay. i'm actually doing great! i can talk to people, i've got great friends, i can get myself to do things on time. sure, the bipolar lows get to me sometimes, but i'm actually really good. i'm just done playing nice now that i know he's delusional. i trusted him once, genuinely. what do you do if your psychiatrist is more of a nutjob than you are lmao? on monday i will call and demand a new one because my message in the portal went unanswered.

beyond that, my therapist is useless for the bipolar part, which is what i asked for. way back when, i asked for help identifying what what hypomania, she told me not to fight yet or even identify it. two weeks ago i had multiple occasions where i was able to pull myself out of bad states just by identifying that i was in them. instantly the severity begins to slowly subside because i can regain control instead of letting it control me. when i mentioned my frustration to my therapist, she had the gall to have this spooked sort of apologetic look on her face. like she didn't see this coming when i had been asking for it from the beginning. then when i said it helped, she cheered me on, telling me she was glad j found something that worked. so who's the bipolar 2 expert? i have to do all of my own homework you refuse to give me? get real. hopefully the new one i have will be less grating and will be more helpful.

the irony of needing a therapist to complain about your current therapist and psychiatrist.

[nobxdy]

i really need a therapist or something, just someone who i can talk to about the things that consistently plague my mind so i don't have to dump stuff on my friends. my one coworker has been trying to make me realize that i need to live in the present and stop living in the past, that the past is just and there's no going back, but that i also shouldn't consume myself with how my future is gonna be like because obviously we never know how that's gonna turn out. i've been trying to just live for now, and being present in my present, i just can't help but think of the things from back then that i either really loved or really hated. it's a vicious cycle. and i know im never going to get any of that back, nothing will ever be the same, i completely realize that. im trying to create a future for myself that's worthwhile. but yk, there's always that desire for what you once had or how things once were. right now i just feel like im stuck, but im trying to keep my head up high and hope that this place im stuck in will eventually subside. only time will tell.

[Clover_wolf]

I hate being an people pleaser while having the lowest self-esteem known to man.
I hate it because if I do one thing wrong that somebody doesn't like I immediately feel useless and stupid.
I called my friend by their real life name online and they freaked out.
They posted a whole thing on dont call them by their real name if you know them in real life, which didn't do too bad just made me feel a bit bad.
That was intill they said.
"Arkaane has a problem."
"why?" - Other user
"Arkaane has a problem for calling people by their real names."

I Know I shouldnt care about such a simple thing. But now I dont want to see my friend because Im scared they'll yell at me or get angry.
But at the same time I know if I don't I might make them sad or mad, which makes me go bonkers.
They're already trying to end it and I'm stressing over that, and they pull this which makes me even more stressed. What do I do?
im scared that if i do something about it and say something, they'll post our convo and I'll get attacked.
Maybe its just anxiety or something but im still stressed.

[GoodTimesWithScar]

Sometimes I sit here, doing something I really love
and then the utter fact that I'm alone hits me.
I have people that I love and stuff, and we talk a bit
but they're always busy with other people or in general, and i would kill to have someone in my life to be busy with
instead, i sit alone and do my own thing
sometimes I really wonder what in the world im even doing
i can be doing so many other things
yet im still not doing anyhting but playing a stupud kids game all day.
ive never in my life been busy with someone, it's very uosetting to me for an odd reason
i wish i could meet people who actualyl like me fo rme
i want to be liked for me
i dont want to make peop[le like me
but i want to be liked
i don t know
might draw this one out haha

[sputnikzero]

🪑🧍‍♂️
Here I am in the lonesome corner (this is my chair I’m a regular)

[ambiorix]

emotional yo-yo-ing is so weird man. trying to remind myself not to make any big decisions like dropping out of school or ending a relationship.

[.bluejay.]

trying to seriously get into writing as a career is kind of getting to me. I’ve always written and I’m never going to stop because I love it, but I’m just running up to a lot of rejection right now trying to get a book published, submitting short stories to literary magazines, entering competitions, etc. I knew I would because getting anything published is ridiculously hard, but what bothers me most is seeing what does win contests and does get published. It’s not that the stories aren’t good—they genuinely are often amazing pieces of work that deserve the recognition—but just that they all often fit a certain type of mold. Poetic prose, typically a literary bend, quietly emotional, that sort of thing.

I feel like I’m just hitting this crossroads where I either keep writing what I love and feel passionate about and enjoy but don’t see any success, or I give up what makes my writing my own and homogenize the stories that win and succeed to try and get that recognition. It just feels kind of bleh to see that if you don’t fit ‘x’ criteria, your shot at doing well goes down exponentially. I want to be unique and creative and have fun, not produce the same kind of work as everyone else, but it’s starting to feel like giving up that mindset is the only way to do well.

I don’t know, I think being in contest and publishing spaces for a while now, I’m starting to see some patterns I don’t like. It feels like you don’t get rewarded for being creative or different, which is what writing is all about for me. I work really hard on my stories, and it’s kind of demoralizing to see that they don’t really stand a chance, regardless of their quality, if they don’t fit the mold of what a ‘winner’ should be. I don’t mind losing or being rejected so much as I just dislike how same-y the industry has become.

[beignet]

^ hey there, i completely understand the feeling you're having and i have entered a lot of writing contests myself. i've been rejected from ALL of them too. and i was the student who had teachers writing me letters about how someday, they'd see my name published and be like, "hey, i knew that kid! i TAUGHT that kid!!" one of the things my professors told me was that i would face a TON of rejection, and often times having nothing to do with my writing itself but rather the readers/editors. it has to reach the right hands at the right time. every time i get rejected, it feels like a slap because of how sentimental i am about my work, but the other part is that i don't think they deserve my work if they can't appreciate it. i've also paid to have editors give me feedback on my prose or short stories and the ironic part is the feedback is almost entirely positive. to me that says, keep writing. ultimately, you have to write for you, because you love writing and you have a story to tell. keep submitting if you want to, but don't write for approval, and don't write/submit to "make a career out of it". all the people who have made it talk about having to be almost certifiably insane to make it. you have to keep going no matter what, no matter how many doors close; you have to keep going because you have a story to tell and rejection can only be the fuel that lights your fire.

---------
i'm personally feeling okay but i'm worried about my health. it's getting worse.
i'm just trying to take things one day at a time for now so as not to overwhelm myself.
i wish i had close friends to spend time with that i could vent to and not feel like i'm doing something wrong by being confused and trying to navigate life.