TheComfortCorner | V.8

[Shoe.]

The place I applied to a few weeks ago called me back for an interview... but I’m moving this week. I have the luck of the Devil, I swear.

[the sound]

i'm applying for my first job ahhhhhHHH

[torbie]

I'm just about ready to end it all... even the college/career center lady hates my guts... Crysta is my only friend in this entire school and she probably hates me too. I'm about to punch a window right now.

[kishu.]

i feel so uneasy. why do i feel so uneasy?
i know that she's okay now but..
there's no reason for me to be uneasy right?
my heart is pounding, my thoughts are constantly racing
my palms are sweaty, i'm shaking.
she lost another friend,
she lost all of her enthusiasm,
while i'm here
just being anxious
i can't bare it
what if she's lying to me
i'm overthinking,
aren't i?

[Valac]

I'm just so tired and am anticipating the arrival of summer. I really need a break ;w;
Unfortunately even when summer hits I am forced to go to an emotional support group. Just the thought tires and stresses me out. It's going to be rough and I know it will be all for nothing. I'm incapable of making relationships, even with people like me. I really don't want to go but I don't really have a say in the matter. Not to mention it's get in the way of my dogs training I was so looking forwards to.

bleh.

[0000007]

its fine its fine its fine but also no its not
i hope my body collapses in and i die lol
dont reply to me

[idiosyncrasy]

I feel like screaming. My life is a slow ball rolling down a long, long, long ramp. I've had depression ever since I was eight, and it just gets worse each year. I also have very severe social anxiety and a bunch of other problems. I'm not in school right now because of these issues, but I'll be back next year. It's gonna be hell, I know it will. But I'll try anyway, because there's never gonna be a "good time" to go. Things aren't gonna get better. I only have panic attacks and breakdowns in front of other people. I wish it weren't so. I beat myself up after any mistake, no matter how small. I embarrassed myself so many times at school, psych hospitals, groups, and just about any public place you can think of. Speaking of psych hospitals, I was in one for the first time earlier this year. It was so traumatic. I have nightmares and flashbacks. I had so many breakdowns in front of other patients, I would laugh hysterically because I was so nervous, I even had this really bad panic attack where I ended up crying for two hours straight. I was only there for five days, but it felt like years. I was sent there against my will and my parent's will. My psycho, drunk, drug addict aunt made up a bunch of lies about me and my family. I was very vulnerable, and she knew it was a good time to take advantage of me. The police and CPS came to my house 15+ times because my aunt called every day. Because of that, I'm terrified of police. But that's not the problem. I've always been a shy and quiet person, but after this, I vowed to never vent or express myself ever again. And if I do, it MUST be completely anonymous. I don't feel comfortable talking to my own family or friends about my feelings. I don't feel comfortable with doctors, either. Or other people my age. Or even myself. I bottle up my emotions until I have an emotional breakdown. Anyways, that's not the only problem. I haven't talked to my best friend in a while... I feel horrible about this since his mom passed away earlier this month. And waiting only makes it worse, because after a while the social anxiety kicks in. Now I don't even feel comfortable talking to my best friend. I've known this guy for over six years... I've tried calling him, but his dad is trying to keep him busy to keep his mind off him mom. I'm so scared... He's my ONLY FRIEND. I lost all the others. I would die for him, I love him so much. I really don't want to lose him. If I do, then that would be the end. I feel so effing petty. My friend lost his mom, yet he still goes to school? And I'm just sad and socially awkward! What do I do? NOTHING!!! People my age,, people YOUNGER than me are doing great things, and their problems are so much worse than mine... HAHA! ...Moving on. My mom is making me go to an outpatient program at a hospital. I was anxious at first, since it was a hospital and everyone was a stranger. The first day went well... The second time was hell. Like I said earlier, I have trouble talking about my feelings, even to those I trust. All the other people in the group have absolutely no problem ranting about their problems (which, of course, are worse than mine) while I just sit there. Silent. Why go to this group if I'm not gonna talk? Even if I did talk, I'd just be interrupted or something. I have so many things to say, most of which are too personal or messed up to talk about. There's so many words but not enough time. I feel so numb. I feel nothing. I could care less if someone were to die right now. I've already lost so much. I felt like screaming earlier, but I don't have nearly enough energy now. It took me 30-40 minutes to write this. Haha! You didn't actually read it all, now did you? I'm so tired of being hurt, I can't wait to hurt others. But I can't bring myself to do that. I can't get anything off my chest without making things worse. Talking to people and expressing myself no longer helps. I have no more coping skills, hobbies, skills, or passions. I wonder what kind of person I was like before all of this. Some say that I was funny, kind, and creative. It's funny how one minute you'd die for someone, but the next you don't care about them at all. It's funny how one moment you're so passionate about something, but the next you don't give a damn.

I doubt you read all this. But.... If you did... Thanks. You must really care. You must really be selfless. People must love you. Thanks for listening to my sob story. I really mean it. <3

[skyline]

so i know this is more of a funny sounding story but honestly i'm terrified cause of it??
so basically, my sleep schedule is horrible right now so i woke up at 11 pm due to my
friend calling me, so i answered, and i started talking to her, but then i heard a weird
scratching noise coming from my nightstand next to my bed. keep in mind i had so much
junk and some old food on it, i didn't know what could be making that sound, so i
stopped and turned to look, and inside one of the small chip bags there was a huge
palmetto bug, (which is a type of roach, they're very common here in florida,, unfortunately.

especially during the summer) and it's not one of those roaches that is specifically attracted
to food, they do eat food obviously, but food doesn't attract them as easy as a normal
roach. and what's worse, these ones fly. so i got up, screamed and dropped my phone on
the floor, (i'm absolutely terrified of them, so living in florida isn't always the greatest
thing for me) so my friend was all laughing and such and i was too, after i told her, and i
basically cleaned my entire room, and found some clothes to wash. so, i gather all the
clothes and head to the laundry room and then I STEP ON A DEAD ONE. so after that i stayed
in my room, and yet all night since i've had this feeling of unease and skittishness, and it
really sucks because like anything that i come in contact with makes me get goosebumps
and it overall i'm terrified, and sucks because i don't want to go in the kitchen or anything
afraid of seeing another one. they're nocturnal too. what's worse is i don't know if that thing
crawled over me or something while i was sleeping, and it just kills me thinking about it.

i'm all nervous now, and afraid to go back to sleep, it's currently 4:09 am, as i've been
talking to my friend all night, i don't know how i'm going to sleep, but i'm still lowkey
shaking after that happening like four hours ago, and my friend's gonna tell my other
friend about it, who likes to tease me more than she does, so i can't wait to deal with
that, cause according to her i was "overreacting" but i seriously have such a fear of
those things, and the fact that i had to kill that knowing it was right next to my bed
and could have very easily crawled over me to get there, and then stepping on a dead
one while walking to the laundry room. i didn't tell her about that one cause that's even
more for her to tell my other friend. wish me luck sleeping i guess, i'm honestly so scared
as stupid as that sounds, my fear of those things is serious.

[∘Raven∘]

I really need a hug. I just woke up, and it's already been a horrible day, and I am so emotionally broken I just don't even know how to process what happened anymore.

[Faded...]

I really need a hug. I just woke up, and it's already been a horrible day, and I am so emotionally broken I just don't even know how to process what happened anymore.

SAME. : Hug :