by *~.Imagination.~* » Thu Jun 18, 2015 4:28 pm
A friend i was very close to stopped talking to me after i couldn't go to a funeral that i was originally supposed to. Even though it wasn't my choice, and that i never definitively told her i could go in the first place, it became very clear that she no longer wanted anything to do with me. Three years of friendship, and she decided she was done. I follow her poetry blog- and she wrote a poem saying 'goodbye', basically. And that she had never really meant it when she told me she loved me. For basically the last three months i've lamented about this situation- the girl with the abandonment issues walked out on me, basically. She had told me before that she was always afraid of people leaving, and that she was never open about how she felt, because people always left when she opened up. I always promised her i never would. And eventually she did open up, and i kept my promise. I talked her off ledges, and she called me her safe space, and told me she needed me, and that she loved me. And now that's been gone. She replaced me with her boyfriend, basically. Despite being the cause of a lot of her panic attacks and mental instability in the past, she had basically decided she didn't need me anymore because she had him. She wrote him a lot of poetry, telling him all the things she used to tell me.
Now, she wrote to tell me she thinks she's ready to try again- she has the disclaimer that it will probably never be like before, because her boyfriend has filled ever crevice i left in her heart, but that she does think she might be ready to try again.
I'm finally adjusting to a life without her, and here she comes, writing the message i've been waiting for, but i'm not sure i want it anymore. besides the fact that she obviously still blames me for what was out of my control, she's still making it obvious that her boyfriend was my replacement, and that i can never have that spot in her life back. i don't know what to do anymore.