TheComfortCorner | V.10

[67Phlox]

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[screamingrainfrog]

I keep on thinking about death and time over and over again. It's genuinely disturbing me. I feel like I've wasted so much of my life, the years have flown by and they keep flying by. I have nothing to show for it either. I just have this desperate nagging fear that sometimes overwhelmes me. Im already grieving my life and it's barely even begun, I know that but I'm scared it never will begin. I've just been stuck for so long, I have no idea how to he tout of this.
I'm so lonely on top of that too, I love my online friends but I desperately need someone irl or at least someone I feel close to :(

[♥ mizu]

Sitting in the car rn, my mother is a jerk and there are a lot of negative adjectives I could use to describe her rn

Edit I'm so freaking mad rn I hate my life this MORON is so STUPID HOLY JESUS WHYIS SHE ALWAYS INSULTING EVERYONE. I CANT EVEN STICK UP FOR MYSELF. STUPID. FREAKING. BAG

[iHolli]

{ it's the response I expected.
I'm not surprised or angry or anything, of course.
I understand-- I get it.
and I respect their choices.
this will be better in the long run, probably.
but I underestimated how much it would hurt anyway.
I'm not sure what to do now.
back to putting up walls
and shutting myself down
and wondering what I'm supposed to do next.
it's been a long week.
maybe I can just sleep for the next few days, ha.

[67Phlox]

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[null.]

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[kotak]

it’s getting so bad. i trip over something mentally and i’m paralyzed for the rest of the day which hasn’t happened before, not like this. not incapacitating me to the point of not being able to move, i’m reaching levels of pain and anger that don’t feel natural and my response is to either get cruel (because it feels like that’s the only way people around me acknowledge that i’m suffering but i regret it so much) or shut down completely (as in not more for hours on end)
it’s getting scary and out of hand and no one knows but my partner and i’m afraid this whole thing is gonna lead to me losing her and our relationship. i’m in so much pain how can i make it better when everything hurts. it feels like no one likes me. like i don’t matter. even when people like family members and such like me they don’t like me enough to want to get to know me, not really. all of the friends i’ve had i’ve lost. all of my passion is gone. i’m a shell a pathetic sad shell of a person
i’m scared of my capacity to cause pain
it feels like it would be better if i weren’t a thing
no matter where i go i’m an extra, some optional background piece
i have no real value, no drive to matter either
please it hurts so bad i want it to stop hurting but i’m stuck and paralyzed
i can’t even self soothe because engaging with any of my comfort hobbies makes me feel like a horrible person who’s tainting all these wonderful things. i don’t want to be like this
i feel like the whole world wants me gone not in. rude way just in a it would be best if i sat life out way. and i have no one to tell. no one i havent told already. my family has no idea. they would not respond well and i would feel even worse because we just dont talk about things like that. oh my god im suffocating i just dont know how to keep going, what is this? i dont understand this pain or where its coming from

[67Phlox]

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[♥ mizu]

i'm not sad or anything i just wanted to write down my thoughts because reading some other posts (offsite) have made me realise something i've been wondering about recently.

so tiktok is super duper toxic. everyone knows that. but i've recently been thinking about the incredibly prevalent issue of people using death threats as insults/jokes. i can't say specifics but if you've been on tiktok i'm sure you've seen at least one person wish harm on somebody else because it's on EVERY. SINGLE. VIDEO. in every comment section. no matter what. inappropriate jokes run rampant on there. i'm not a sensitive person. i can handle edgy humour, i don't really get offended easily. but when you see it in every comment section, it starts to mess with your head. i've recently had issues where if something remotely bad happens, i'll automatically think "i'm gonna freaking [i can't say this here lol]" sarcastically in my head.

but it's not a joke and it shouldn't be. thoughts become words which become actions and this constant negativity is AWFUL. i love group discussions which is why i go to the comments. but seeing constant tasteless, crude humour is affecting my thought process. i hate when vulgar humour is overused. it looks cheap and it's not good to have that in my head. i want to keep watching tiktoks because i enjoy watching edits n stuff but seeing these negative nancys everywhere sucks

if anyone relates i wouldn't mind a pm just to discuss it but it's not like. something i need comfort on lol

[vist]

i feel like i’m not close enough to someone to be able to vent, lol
i’m alone again