I don't hate you for having feelings... I don't.
I know this is hard for you, and I'm only hesitant to tell you things because I
know you already have so much going on without my problems, you might not even care if I tell them to you..
You should know I'd fall apart without you
I don't know how you do it
'Cause everything that doesn't make sense about me makes sense when I'm with you,
I want to make you feel wanted and never let you forget it
I don't feel the same about you than before, maybe it's because you led me on with those types of questions and then turned around and blatantly told me that you'd rather have someone else more than once, I don't really know... I only partly lied,
I do see you as a best friend and the feelings aren't the same...
But they've been shaped and molded by your words and actions, twisted to a kind of reluctant love.
I know, this probably would make you flinch, but it sounds worse than how it really is, so I'll try to break it down-
I love you, sorta, but I've dulled that feeling and locked her away so when you say stuff that would usually bring her running out shes stuck in place, just some distant heartbeat.. I'm still here, the same person, but I'm just your friend this time around.
I hope this broke it down instead of making it even more confusing..
It really is hard to explain and I tried my best, I love you in a different way than before.
I've fully accepted I'm not her, and I never will be, so I'll find someone who loves my clumsy, sometimes dumb, wild, sarcastic, short and stubborn self. Someone who has their priorities straight and knows what he wants. You're an amazing person and she should consider herself lucky to have you, because I do.
This wasn't meant to make you feel like crap, I felt the need to explain in an attempt to make you feel better and because I didn't like how things were left off the last time we spoke.. I only want the best for you, love, and I hope you understand this was just me explaining things in a very complicated drawn out way. 😌
