dear w,
why? why won't you talk to me? god, you said you loved me,
and you said that i was the best thing that's ever happened to
you, and you said that we could still be friends, but you're a
liar. now i'm listening to sad music, and now i'm pining over you, and
now i'm texting you eight different stupid paragraphs about how i
miss you, and, christ, you're toxic. you're like a dose of adrenaline
that i can't stop wanting. you're like a breath of fresh mountain air, you
clear my head, but you're also like a stupid puzzle. you make my mind
grasp at straws, trying to figure out what to do next. it's like a guessing
game with you, constantly trying to figure out whether or not there
will be that tiny, tiny notification, that quiet little bing! that tells
me that you're back, that you haven't left me after all, that you do still
love me somewhere in that tricky mind of yours.
oh, god, i miss you.
i miss you, sending pictures of your dog.
i miss you, sending pictures of yourself.
i miss talking to you.
i miss everything.
but i'm so mad.
i am so, so very angry at you for leaving me in the dark like this, for
making me scramble to pick up the pieces, for making me put all the
effort into this, whatever this is, this friendship, this weird, weird
relationship.
but i am also overwhelmingly sad.
i am so, so sad without you.
you brightened my life, you made me feel special, pretty, important.
now? now you've left me.
you've left me alone, with no explanation, no reason as to why you don't
even want to be my friend anymore. i wish you would just tell me.
tell me that you hate me.
tell me that you can never speak to me again.
tell me, and save me the pain of breaking down.
