TheComfortCorner | V.10

[WarriorcatKitty]

i feel like a horrible friend.

[memeaches]

i keep having dreams about my family members in really uncomfortable painful situations that are definitely against cs rules to talk about in detail lol. its about 50/50 when it comes to me doing awful things to them and them doing awful things to me. specifically about my parents too, which definitely isn't a coincidence. ever since i moved out its been pretty consistent, although i'm no stranger to intrusive thoughts and messed up dreams. these really mess me up though. it makes me not want to sleep at all, which is kind of a problem (not me posting this at 2am). the last like 6 months of my life has consisted of me really recognizing and making a conscious effort to end the cycle of generational trauma and unlearn a lot of the things i'd internalized as truth growing up. and the constant battle is me mentally pushing against these ideas but my old self fighting back because misery is all we have all known. and it makes me feel terrible because my parents are still stuck in that hole of depression and improving without them feels like a betrayal. even though it's nobodys fault. it's not my fault that i am trying to be better and it's not their fault for being sick. anyways these dreams have me feeling like the bad guy for trying to improve. its like theyre still in control of me and that i will never find peace from these feelings. and even in sleep i can't escape. my ocd brain says that this is karmic punishment for being so mentally unwell as a teen. its always the worst when my compulsions have something solid to hold onto so their nonsense feels a little more plausible. anyways thanks brain the dreams of me hurting the people i love is really helping my guilt :)

[gibbon]

I love waking up itchy after barely three hours of sleep. It's my favorite activity, trying to sleep when it feels like bugs are biting me.

[effie]

snip

[ChaoticGremlin]

I feel so stupid. Anytime I’m presented with a challenge, even if it’s easy, my head starts to hurt. Everything I’m working in I keep getting worse at the more time goes on and the more I do it. It feels like everything’s moving backwards. I’m deteriorating. I truly believe I’m nothing. I’m not an artist, I’m not smart, I’m not a musician, I’m not an athlete, I’m not good looking in the slightest not matter how hard I try or what I do. I used to give everything all I had because even though I didn’t love myself but I still believed I was good at things. And now what? I have nothing to show, nothing to contribute, for all the years I’ve lived. At least almost everyone is good at something, I’m good at nothing. I’m constantly surrounded by people who are all I’ve ever wanted to be. And I know comparing yourself is bad and that everyone goes at their own pace, but I’ve been working for so long at everything I love and I have nothing, am nothing. I can’t try anymore, it’s to much work that I don’t have the energy for and I don’t think I ever will. I’m nowhere near the end of my life and I’ve already given up. I’ll never amount to nothing no matter what I do, so why should I even try anymore? My friends don’t know what to say, my family thinks I’m stupid because I keep running around in circles in my own head, and I hate telling my therapist this because I’m supposed to be better already. I just want to be better. I just want to be something. I know it’s bad that sometimes, a lot of the time, I want to surround myself with people who really don’t do much, and I know it’s bad to assume, but sometimes I look at certain people and believe they’re lesser than me, and I want to be around them constantly because at least then I’m not the worst person there. God thats so toxic. I think if everything was a video game I would have quit a long time ago.

[Eneco]

-

[pisto pesto pasta]

why did u have to drop a bomb and change the topic like nothing happened. ur literal life is at risk and ur saying it doesnt matter?

i probably should not care as much . but. i dont want them 2 be gone, you know? and even if they told me they wont go anywhere its really not enough for me because they still get thoughts about doing that.

and they wont tell me why

aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

it hurts me so much though it probably hurts them even more

it would be easier if they simply told me whats wrong.

[nobxdy]

trigger warning: eye damage (I don't go into detail but I know some people don't like these things!)

i hate how im always getting injured at work. I try to be careful, i try to stay away from the dangers of this job, but of course something has to happen and i have to suffer for it. I damaged my eye and can't go to work until Monday, /and/ i have to stay in a dark room due to possibly irritating my eye or making it worse. I'm not supposed to be looking at a screen for long periods of time but what else am i supposed to do? Can't go outside unless it's dark, can't go to work or drive due to blurry vision, and on top of all of this my finals are coming up so how am i supposed to just- not be on a computer? My eye hurts so bad after just a few seconds in the light. I can't with this job anymore, they give us nothing to protect ourselves. And when it happened my boss was like "you can get checked out but you'll be fine and can come back" like stop downplaying everything. Stop thinking of only yourself. That's how i got hurt in the first place. I'm lucky something worse didn't happen to my eye. And if it did, it would've been your fault.

[vent'anni]

I can't get enough of the scratching. but at the same time.. god.. please go away. I'm so itchy when there's nothing there.. I don't want to leave marks. it's just that I'm itchy but not. I can't sleep. it's so satisfying to do yet.. horrible feeling. lord.

[qtip]

i hate you sm