by Ioannis » Thu Apr 11, 2024 5:23 am
I feel so stupid. Anytime I’m presented with a challenge, even if it’s easy, my head starts to hurt. Everything I’m working in I keep getting worse at the more time goes on and the more I do it. It feels like everything’s moving backwards. I’m deteriorating. I truly believe I’m nothing. I’m not an artist, I’m not smart, I’m not a musician, I’m not an athlete, I’m not good looking in the slightest not matter how hard I try or what I do. I used to give everything all I had because even though I didn’t love myself but I still believed I was good at things. And now what? I have nothing to show, nothing to contribute, for all the years I’ve lived. At least almost everyone is good at something, I’m good at nothing. I’m constantly surrounded by people who are all I’ve ever wanted to be. And I know comparing yourself is bad and that everyone goes at their own pace, but I’ve been working for so long at everything I love and I have nothing, am nothing. I can’t try anymore, it’s to much work that I don’t have the energy for and I don’t think I ever will. I’m nowhere near the end of my life and I’ve already given up. I’ll never amount to nothing no matter what I do, so why should I even try anymore? My friends don’t know what to say, my family thinks I’m stupid because I keep running around in circles in my own head, and I hate telling my therapist this because I’m supposed to be better already. I just want to be better. I just want to be something. I know it’s bad that sometimes, a lot of the time, I want to surround myself with people who really don’t do much, and I know it’s bad to assume, but sometimes I look at certain people and believe they’re lesser than me, and I want to be around them constantly because at least then I’m not the worst person there. God thats so toxic. I think if everything was a video game I would have quit a long time ago.
xxxxxx" fibonacci ! ! "
Evan - He/She/They - credit
Have a good day/night!
You’re loved <3 TH