Good jokes, anyone have 'em?

[asexual pirate;;]

I love good jokes and have been trying to get some new ones to tell people.







There were 4 cows in the field.
One mama, and 3 babies.
The first one came up and asked: "Mama, why did you name me rose?"
The mother answer: "'Cause when you were born a rose petal fell on your nose."
The second cow came up and asked: "Mama, why did you name me daffedill?"
The mother answered: "'Cause when you born a daffedill petal fell on your nose."
The third cow comes up and says: "hgifhdsajgy!!!"
"SHUT UP CINDERBLOCK!"

[Erille]

Here's some Dumb Blonde Jokes (These are not went to be offending)

There are two women. One is a blonde and the other is brunette.They are hanging above a raging river from a log and they can't hold on much longer. A rescue team comes and says they can only rescue one woman. The brunette starts making a speech about how she should be the one to fall into the river. The blonde is so amazed and heartfelt that she starts clapping.

A dumb blonde walks into a store. She walks up to the manager and points to an item in the store. "I'd like to buy that microwave." The blonde says. "No, you're a dumb blonde." The manager says.
The blonde goes home and dies her hair brown so she can buy the microwave. She goes back to the store as a brunette and says to the manager, "I'd like to buy that microwave." The manager says, "No you're a dumb blonde."
The blonde goes home and dies her hair red. She comes back to the same store and says, "I want to buy that microwave!" The store manager says, "No you're a dumb blonde.
The blonde says, "I've died my hair brown and red to buy this microwave. Why won't you let me buy it?"
The manager says, "You're a dumb blonde. That's a TV, not a microwave.

Q: How do you drown a dumb blonde?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of a pool

Q: How did the dumb blonde kill a fish
A: She drowned it

Here's a joke that isn't about blondes

An airplane crashed and is still flying but half of the plane is missing. The only thing keeping the passengers inside the airplane is metal straps that they are hanging onto for dear life.
Then the pilot comes back into the cabin and says, "The plane is too heavy. We need to lose one passenger if we don't want to crash again." A little girl steps forward in front of the passengers and tells a speech about why she should be the one to jump out of the airplane. The passengers are so amazed at her bravery that they start clapping.

[black-wolf-jet]

Duck joke:

There was a man driving a truck full of ducks down a road.
A policeman stops him and asks "What are you doing with all these ducks?"
The man replies "I don't know what to do with them."
The policeman told the man "Why don't you take them to the zoo?"
The man thanked the policeman and carried on to the zoo.

The next day, the policeman stops the same man on the same road with the same load of ducks. Except, the ducks were wearing sunglasses.
"I thought you'd taken them to the zoo!"
The man replied: "I've taken them to the zoo, but now they want to go to the beach!"

<3