sighh i came back from my vacation earlier (sunday afternoon) and honestly? i thought i was going to have a better time down there than i did, but it was nice getting away from everything for a little while. it helped me clear my head a bit.
however, as i was staying down there and trying to relax, one of my irl friends literally texted me and asked for money out of nowhere and that put a bad taste in my mouth. i have offered to help out when they need it, they just had a kid so i said anything they need they can always ask, but they knew i was on vacation and needing to use my money elsewhere. and then asked if i could get them something while i was down there. i did get them something, they're my best friend, but i had to reiterate that i was on vacation and can't just shell out money right now. just-??
anyway, i feel like it's wrong of me to feel this way after i told them that i don't mind helping out when they need it. if it was any other time i would've gladly done that for them, i've practically been supporting them since they got their house/had their kid, and they always tell me they appreciate me. but in a way i don't feel appreciated. i feel used. this isn't the only time they've randomly asked me for money like this (as well as going an entire week without talking to me before asking), so in a way i feel like they only view me as some kind of money machine. when we're all hanging out sometimes the subject would get brought up and they'd laugh about it, and i'd laugh with them but deep down i just feel like garbage. they're not helping me out with bills/food but if they were i wouldn't be joking about how much they just spent on me.
idk. maybe it's just me.