cнαяαcтɛя cяιтιզʋɛƨ // closed :c

[team free kick sass]

ωɛℓcσмɛ!

I'm extremely excited to see you've stopped by! You're here to have your character and form critiqued and fixed-up to a literate level? You've come to the right place, in that case! Generous CS players have offered their time to help you with your character/fursona/role-play character forms! Though many players on the site have previously offered their helpful serviced, a special bunch here, including myself, will be happy to help you through an official form critique thread c:

If you're wondering exactly what we do here, we critique forms and characters for free! Please, if you have time, read on!

[team free kick sass]

Яʋℓɛƨ αи∂ Ғσям

Rules
* don't spam the thread
* respect and listen to the staff
* be kind to everyone here
* myself and staff have right to add/delete rules
* use common sense, seriously

Form


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[size=85][color=#804080]Username:[/color]
[color=#804080]Are you needing help with an RP character or character?:[/color]
[color=#804080]Preferred staff:[/color]
[color=#804080]Anything else:[/color][/size]



Staff form [not accepting!]

[team free kick sass]

Ƨтαғғ

.cheetah;


Hi. ^_^ I'm an average girl living in Canada with a whole lot of energy and interests. I've been role-playing since June 2012, but don't fear, I had a lot of writing experience before I started role-playing, and also a lot of character making experience. I'm going to take you through a step by step basis of how to make a character:

wipppppppppppppppppppppp c:



нer


How to Create a good Character.
Written by my English Teacher, and Myself

[size=85]Well, I've discovered a fantastic way to create a character. I was given this paper for an English assignment, and right after, our magical owner made this thread so ... Here I am! I'll show you the six steps to creating a fairly pulled together character!

Step One - Actions


How would you describe your character's personality? What are some actions they would take to demonstrate their personality?

For example, if I were to describe my character as brave, I could describe a time they fought off a pack of zombies.


Acelin is a unnatural leader, turned into one by her situation. She never put herself into the position where taking charge was inevitable, but it happened anyways. Her calm collected logic pushed her above Ralessa's popularity and into being a well thought of leader. She was always overshadowed by her friends good looks in school, so she was forced to figure of how to present herself, and that requires a different type of thinking -- one that made you observant. Turns out those traits are great for the zombie apocalypse. Ace is also fairly light hearted, and comes up with all kinds of jokes -- good or bad -- to tell when her group is feeling down in the dumps. Though, she won't tolerate laziness when they're all sad.



Step Two - Language


how does your character talk? Do they use specific words when they talk? Do they have a different accent because they're not locally born or are from a different era?


"Rainy," she said, chiding the child in a gentle way. "It's time for bed." Rainy obviously protested, but when Ace wrapped her calloused and burned hands around Rainy's thin and soft ones, the little girl caved. "Good choice," Ace smiled. "Now, do you want me to read you a story."


Step Three - Thoughts & Beleifs


Basically, what does your character think like / believe in?


Acelin frowned at Wingman. He wasn't being a team player for once, and that bothered her deeply. Attitude changes meant everything, including a chance at survival for him and those around him. She was worried about him, because she felt she had to watch Wingman like a mother watched her son. Ace was their leader, and it was time for her to act like it. But his loathing stares threw her off.


Step Four - Body Language


What are the mannerisms, or behaviors of your character? For example, do they have a tendency to flip their hair or fidget with their clothes when they're nervous?


The Raiders crossed into the room, cornering Acelin and Two. She struggled to keep her face blank, and barely succeeded. The one thing that helped her keep her sanity was the steady pressure of Two's arm against hers, and her weapon, which she continued to fidget with. "Ready to talk?" Asked the meaner if the two Raiders. Acelin crossed her arms -- a defensive habit -- and kept her mouth clamped shut. She refused to speak with them and give them any satisfaction.


Step Five - Descriptions


What do they look like? How old are they? What clothes do they normally wear?


Acelin is merely average. Normal height, slightly underweight [please take into consideration her situation], and pale, normal, lighter brown Midwestern eyes. The only thing different about her is her dark, relatively straight burgundy hair. Normally, it's called red, but description is important, so crimson it is. Barely eighteen, Acelin has pale, but tanned skin from the years she spent outside with friends on the streets if New York. Her hair is naturally the deep, dark color I've described, and rather fine. Her attire usually consists if tighter jeans [they're normally warmer], heavy jackets, and combat boots she found in the beginning of the apocalypse.



Step Six - How Others Relate


What would others think about your character?


The moment Ace woke up, she was "ambushed" by Rain and Red [little Anikah and elder Ralessa]. Her best friend and her friends sibling adored her -- but you couldn't tell with the other three. Two and Middle merely looked at her before turning back to their hand drawn map of the town. Acelin smiled at the youngest girl. "Rainy, would you set the table?" Rainy giggled, and rushed off for her newly assigned task. With one look from Ace, Red set to cooking their food in a secluded area inside the Stock Exchange, as it had been their agreement for a while. Ace would be out in a moment. She grabbed a can from their small pile on a table, and had begun to walk over to their fire when she met Wingman's eyes. He was glaring with a deep, undying passion. It was legitimately unnerving. Before he caused her to loose her appetite. That was different.







Leaf & Moose


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abandoned.


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Demotivated_bear


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[/size]

[city;]

Username: нer
Are you needing help with an RP character or character?: role play one!
Preferred staff: All of you. c:
Anything else: Can I just post him here and get some feedback? I just kinda wanna see what everybody does and how we all respond. c:

[team free kick sass]

Accepted, and sure, city c: That's a good idea. ^^

[city;]

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[ elιαѕ αleхαɴder cαrтer ] [ 19 ] [ тнe d e α d l y oɴe ]


↘↘ ι'м ɴoт тнe вαd ɢυy.

ғιrѕт ιмpreѕѕιoɴѕ αre ιмporтαɴт, вυт we αll deѕerve α ѕ e c o ɴ d cнαɴce.

ɴ α м e : Elias [ee-LIE-us] Alexander [al-EKS-sander] Carter [Kar-ter]is the name he was gifted. He doesn't really have any nicknames, just because Eli, Alex, and Xander

don't sound like its him. The name Elias means "God is Lord" in Greek, while Alexander means "Defending Mankind" in the same language. And finally, Carter means "To drive or pull a cart". Elias's mom was born in Greece, but moved to the United States when she was two. After she found out where she came from, she began a life-long obsession with it. Not long after, Aella married a man named Jonathan Carter, and convinced him to name their son Elias Alexander.
ɢ e ɴ d e r : Elias is a male/guy/dude/heartbreaker [ok, not really the latter], and doesn't plan on changing that any time soon.
α ɢ e : Elias is nineteen [19] years young, born on July seventh [7-7] making him a Gemini [♊].




тнe cαмerα αlwαyѕ αddѕ т e ɴ poυɴdѕ.

н e ι ɢ н т : At an appropriate height of sixty nine inches [69 in.], or five foot nine inches [5 ft. 9 in.] Elias is fairly normal. Most of his height comes from his legs, but yet another half comes from his torso, neck and head. A few times, it's been pointed out




that his arms are roughly the same length as his height is, and roughly is very, very true. Elias would be considered a vertical rectangle; his arms seen as long as he is tall.
w e ι ɢ н т : Again for weight, Elias hits the average mark -- maybe a little more because he likes to build up his muscles -- at one hundred forty seven pounds [147 lbs.] even. No extra ounces or anything. Elias packs most of his weight which are more muscle than anything, but he does permit himself to have a little bit of fat on his stomach for when he can't eat for a few days. You never know when you'll need it.
н α ι r : Cinnamon is the first word [or food] that comes to mind when describing his hair. So would cinnamon-sugar, because he has lighter grey flecks all over. Now, Elias's hair is naturally curly [when it's longer], but not so twisty that he's forced to deal with ringlets all the time. So, to counter-attack, Elias keeps the hair closer to his head, and uses a straightener for its wilder days. He's always had shorter hair because of this. His mom used to tease him and say his hair had a mind of its own.
e y e s : Elias's eyes are a shade of blue, similar to the ocean's color. Around his iris, there's a small, very thin bright green line, like a pixie's eye color. When he smiles, they do tend to twinkle a little, but only when it's not forced. His eyes have never needed glasses, because he's always done everything he can to prevent it from eating carrots constantly to wearing shades out in the sun.
ѕ ĸ ι ɴ : Now, for his skin tone, let's start at the top and work our way down; Elias's face can be pale, but only to a certain extent. More often than not, it's blushed with excitement, or blood pumping from a run. Next are his shoulders; these are pale from about an inch away from his neck to when his shoulder starts to give way to his arm, because he doesn't believe in tanning. Why ruin a perfectly healthy body with crappy lotions and radiation that leads to skin cancer? He plans on living a long life, and that means taking care of his body. On his torso, he is also very pale, because yet again, he doesn't want to go tanning. He isn't the type to walk shirtless down the street screaming "LOOK AT ME!!!". That's really not how Elias works. Next, we hit the legs; from about two inches above the knee and down is tan, but the higher up on his leg he observes is lighter. I won't even explain why, because you're already guessing the reason. But, since Elias does wear shorts in the summer, he allows himself to get a purely natural tan. His arms are very similar. Although, he does wear tank-tops in the summer, his arms always have trouble keeping up with the coloration his legs pick up. Despite his immaculate care of his skin, Elias still has a few blemishes; a small spot on his arm. It's not a mole or anything, but it is a cluster of darker brown spots. Almost like freckles. Speaking of, he also has freckles [not many] on the bridge of his nose and right under his eyes. A few on the cheekbones too, if you look closely.
м o d ι ғ ι c α т ι o ɴ ѕ : He's never been a fan of stabbing yourself with a metal rod or jabbing needles into your skin, leaving ink where it can never be removed, so tattoos, and piercings are out of the question. He prefers drawing with sharpie, if anything. He doesn't mind them on girls, though. They can do whatever they want to themselves. Same with guys too, but he isn't going to pop out loud and go, "Man. That looks beautiful on your manly self."

нαĸυɴα мα-ғreαĸιɴɢ-тαтα, мαɴ

p e r ѕ o ɴ α : Elias really shouldn't be considered an average Joe. Nor, is he a narcissist. Yet, not the sickly-sweet lover-boy. The main thing we all need to know about Elias is that he's very suspicious; it just comes naturally, really. He tends to think that people are always up to something, and it's not that bad that he does. It keeps him on his toes. Another thing about Elias; he does have a sharp tongue. Witty, and quick, he won't be afraid to speak the first thing that comes to that creative head of his. Though, the many phrases he speaks do go through quite a few filters, so he doesn't sound like a total jerk. When at first you meet Elias, you will be confronted with a boy that's rather closed; no emotions leaking through. A blank face. Something that's a little nerve wracking. The best tip is to keep going at it. He doesn't trust people who give up easily, so if you continue to talk, and get a few responses, the more likely you are to pass his small test.
The next trademark symbol of Elias; his motto is Act first, think later. As a normal thing for a boy, many girls he's met just brush it off as Oh, he's just excited, or I think he's just being a little rebellious, when really, he just hates all the thoughts that people have to think about before putting a piece of bread into toast. Just check if you're hungry, and if you are, fix what sounds good to you. Keeping score annoys him too, because that means too much thinking on your part, and not enough action. He's also very prone to accidents when he doesn't evaluate the situation carefully [which is rarely], because his mind whirs at a million miles a minute. He says he hates other people thinking too much, and he does, but it's because they think so slowly. By the time most have said a really obvious comment, Elias has already answered the issue, and has begun taking action. He's always quick on his toes. Due to this, many people brush him off as impulsive. Elias's motto always gets him into trouble, whether it be wit the law or his parents. No, he hasn't gotten into trouble with cops yet, but he's pushing his limits. While many think of him as impulsive,


Elias tells them all he was just acting according to the situation's demands. He wasn't trying to do such and such, but was trying to fix this and this instead. Mainly, this just frustrates people, thinking he's just trying to give excuses. Elias has this ... obsession with things that go BOOM! If it's a gun, awesome. If it's another explosive, even better. He loves things that explode, cause mass destruction, or other giant h--l wreaking machines. He's very energetic, and is always on the move. Many would [and usually do] call him restless, or a wandering spirit. Most of the time, when he's forced to be cooped up for hours and hours on end, Elias will go down to his family's basement and box. Just to keep his nerves cool, and make sure he's less stressed. Working out like that always helps keep the body in prime condition too. Boxing is something that's always helped him from being too ... too wound up. Gemini's are often characterized as people with high-wound nerves, and that's definitely true for him. Just moving calms him down. When Elias looses his temper -- and it's not often that he does -- he will take a walk, or he will go and do something that requires hand-eye coordination.One more thing is that he relies on is his feet. Obviously, we all need them to get around easier, and to take us in and out of dangerous situations, but Elias really, really relies on them. I mean, if you didn't have feet, and you got into a fight, you would get knocked out, yes? Well, with his chosen hobby, moving around a lot means you don't get hit as often. It's something he really likes the idea of; move now, hit and jab a few times, don't get hit, and you win. The more you move, the more you're going to win. Elias has a strong case of Thanatophobia; the fear of death. In his rationality, we don't know what's after death. It's the plunging into the unknown that scares him the most. Really, it's just rooted in the fact that he doesn't know what's going to happen.



While he's not afraid of near death experiences, he's afraid of the part after life. Dying itself doesn't make him nervous. It's just the afterlife, as some of the consequences. His biggest fear of how he would die would have to be surgery. People fiddling around with your body, just to sew it back up? The thought always makes him nauseous. And another fear; loosing a limb. This is the major reason he hates sharks. They're just endless pits with .. an end. Confusing, yes? He fears their mouth the most. They're just teeth attached to a circle with an organ or two thrown in there. Screw evolution; he wants them all dead and gone. Hence the reason he's never been to the ocean. Elias likes a lot of things, including things that include the internet, hunting, and other activities his father used to do with him. Elias values family above anything a friend or girl friend could offer, unless he proposed or something. But he's a little too young for that. He wants a chance at college before settling down with that perfect girl. And who knows; if he settles too early, he could have married the wrong one, and end up getting divorced. Another thing he likes -- girls. He loves their hair, in a non-stalkerish way. If he could have picked a profession besides boxing to try, it would've been a woman's hair stylist. A deep loathing of his; blood and war. Elias sees absolutely no reason it should ever be spilled, unless it's for a very good reason. You start it, he'll finish it. Hammurabi's an eye for an eye makes so much sense to him; you kill, you die too. That's why he thinks most of the United States are great; they use the death penalty. Other than that, the only thing you can do to get on his mental blacklist is annoy him.
н ι ѕ т o r y : Now, Elias was born in the United States, unlike his mother. You could say he's a first generation American, with no accent, and you would be correct. Elias was born in a small, clean hospital just around the corner from his house, because, well, it was closest and that's where his mother's doctor was located. At six fifteen a.m., Elias Alexander Carter was born to Aella Lucielle Carter and Johnathan Jones Carter. Soon after, his family encountered some problems. The hospital tried naming Elias Ellie Alexandria Carter instead of the name he has today. Quite frankly, it wasn't that funny. Elias was clearly a male, while the nurse insisted he needed a girl's name. That bugged the family, even when they shared the story with their son when he was older. Later on in his years, Elias was a good child, though displayed signs of his reckless, carefree personality early on. In preschool, he was often called out for refusing to take a nap. In first grade, it was for talking. In second, it was for ignoring discipline. It didn't go much further from there, because Elias knew his dad would take away their weekend hunting trips that started when he was six. His dad taught him how to hold a small Squirrel and fire it. This also taught Elias a little bit of patience, but not much. When Elias was four, his mother and father surprised him with the fact that he was going to get a little sister. They didn't tell him until his mother was six months in. Another three months later, they were gifted with a beautiful little girl they named Elsbeth Anne. Without further ado, and with consideration on how Elias was doing with the child, they tried again. Elias found out again at month six that they were having another sibling. Elsbeth was healthy, Elias was happy, and the rest of the family was ready. Except his mother miscarried. This time, Elias had gone with. He waited on the small hard chair while his mother cried and his father hugged her, and let a tear fall too. That was the first time He'd ever seen either of them sob. It scared his small, five year old mind. When his father later explained what had happened, he had also said that it wasn't that uncommon for mommies to not get their little kids. Elias hated it. When he and Elsbeth were older, they had a lot of fun, despite the gender and age difference. His dad took both of them hunting, but Elias always did better at the tracking than Els, but she did better at the actual aiming. When Elias turned eighteen, Elsbeth and himself simply went out by themselves. Her being fourteen, and him being a legal adult, they had fun. Meanwhile, this was also the year that his father taught him how to box. Whenever he became frustrated, he would practice. And as always, practice makes perfect. His life was all a great, happy time. Elias wasn't exactly meaning to, but he ran across the pack while hunting with his sister. Quick as a dart, Elias fired a shot into the air, scattering the wolves, half of them turning back to human. That freaked him out. He took Elsbeth by the arm, and took her back to his house as quickly as he could, refusing to let he ever hurt by the freaks. Though, he has a fantastic plan to assassinate the Alpha ... That means he has to get close to the pack. Very close.
т н e м e ѕ o ɴ ɢ : Higher, by Taio Cruz

eαт. prαy. love. oĸ, ѕĸιp тнe eαтιɴɢ αɴd prαyιɴɢ.

l o v e : And finally, we hit his love life; Elias is what's known as heterosexual, or straight [as the common term implies]. He's never really had a girl friend, so, really, a lot of people think he has no interest in the opposite gender [or his own] for that matter. He had a simple schoolboy crush on a girl back in elementary, but she moved away to a different city and had to transfer, so he just stopped liking girls for a while.

He's also never had a girlfriend, so everything about the feminine gender is very unfamiliar and dangerous territory for him. Elias has never had an ex, because of how he lost interest in any gender for quite a while. He however did maintain many good friendships. Mainly with his sister and family, but there were other things too. As for enemies, Elias isn't one to pick a fight, but his recklessness has caused a fair few bullies to come down upon him. And no. Elias is too young to want to be married.


we нαve α ... υѕer.

υ ѕ e r ɴ α м e : нer. I respond to the names Kota, city, Ronnie, and whatever else pops up! c:
l ι т e r α c y : Well ... Depends on your definition. If you consider high semi-literate two paragraphs, I'm your gal! And, if you consider literate three paragraphs with writer's block, you can count on me. [my paragraph is a minimum of six sentences.] Just give me enough time to reply. c:
e х α м p l e ѕ : If you find yourself wondering what my role playing looks like, go ahead and click either of the "x"s in my siggy. They're there for this reason. If it counts for anything, I'm the owner of "Illiterate to literate; a role play school thread".
c r e d ι т ѕ : Ok. Credit for the character goes to me. Credit for formatting of this form goes to me. Credit to pictures to to their proper owners. I take no ownership.

[/list]

Critique away!

[shay ;]

Username: Hi, my name's shay&&&, nice to meet you!
Are you needing help with an RP character or character?: a roleplay charrie, please.
Preferred staff: anyone actually.
Anything else: nope, just please critique here and anyother person in the link. if you want of course.

da link

[abandoned.]

I need to post on this so I can keep track of it ono''

um, shay/lady/ariel I can't decide what to call you
probably just shay

I would help you, but I have a lot on my plate right now ono''
if no one helps you by the time I'm done [which will be quite some time >_<]
I'll try to help c:

[shay ;]

Shay or Missy will do anyways, take your time, lie. I have like a million things to do anyway.

[team free kick sass]

May I just take the time to say your forms are to die for?
You need to make me another one because the one I ordered through your art shop is so great ;w;

Anyway, links for me don't always go to the actual post and always slide up, so it is Xenia you need crit one, right? Just want to make sure.