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[paperjack.]

Here's a new idea for my Sonic FF, tell me what you think

Emerl is found by Amy and Sonic, and he scans their DNA, becoming part hedgehog, so there's Sonic, Young Silver, Shadow, Emerl, Sonic's son Nova, and Nova and Mina's unborn child to do the Super Sonic God ritual

Ooo, bit different from the original selection. Emerl is a good pick since he can adjust to anything, especially because his copying ability is quite useful. I like the characters you picked out! Is Shadow still going to be ineffective towards the ritual, and there is going to be a problem with him not being 'pure-hearted', or did you scrap that? I think it would make some interesting build-up instead of straight hopping into the ritual. I bet some readers would be questioning Shadow's personality unless he got 'reformed' or something.

But I do feel it is kinda weird having Nova and Mina be together...unless Mina is just a character you made. If that's the case, completely ignore this. It's strange because Mina was intentionally one of Sonic's love interests, and I'd think she'd be quite older in comparison to Nova, not that it's much different from it being Tails. It's still really strange that Tails even ended up with Mina in the future comics, like I would have never thought that'd happen. I've contradicted myself, perhaps that is an okay pairing you got there.

[Demon God Caelan]

Yeah, I'm still going to use Shadow's being ineffective, and yeah, I was worried about Mina and Nova, what character do you think I should use instead of Mina? I actually decided to scrap The Fiona/Tails shipping and replace Fiona with Cosmo, so there's still Cream, but she'd still be a bit older than Nova

[paperjack.]

Yeah, I'm still going to use Shadow's being ineffective, and yeah, I was worried about Mina and Nova, what character do you think I should use instead of Mina? I actually decided to scrap The Fiona/Tails shipping and replace Fiona with Cosmo, so there's still Cream, but she'd still be a bit older than Nova

I don't feel like any of the major characters should be paired with Nova just for continuity's sake--not that it's bad, whatever you wanna do. I think Cosmo is a more understandable matchup with Fiona; I always saw them as more of siblings, ignoring the utter betrayal involving Sonic and same species though.

A few characters that may be good to do pairings with, considering Nova is Sonic and Amy's son, are: Sonar (I quite liked her in the comics when she was introduced; a decent, out-there character.), Tangle (I haven't read all the new comic's pages yet, but she seems like a fun choice), Marine, and I would suggest Sasha, but that fits in the same context as Mina. I tried to give characters that didn't really have any romantic relationships, and I think Sonar is the best pick unless you wanna create a whole new character.

[Demon God Caelan]

I think I'll go with Sonar then, thanks for the help. Here's part of the draft for my first chapter, tell me what you think

Shadow was going through the documents in G.U.N. HQ. Topaz had given him and Team Dark some time off, so he thought he'd do some research. Besides him, Sonic, Amy, and their family were the only hedgehogs in Mobius, there weren't any others. Even though he wasn't purely hedgehog, Shadow still felt odd with no other hedgehogs besides Sonic's family. Rouge came into the room with a cup of coffee and said, "Shadow, are you still doing this whole crazy research thing? You've been at it for three days. We almost never get time off, and the moment we do, you'd rather look through some dusty papers instead of spending time with me and Silver."

[paperjack.]

I think I'll go with Sonar then, thanks for the help. Here's part of the draft for my first chapter, tell me what you think

Shadow was going through the documents in G.U.N. HQ. Topaz had given him and Team Dark some time off, so he thought he'd do some research. Besides him, Sonic, Amy, and their family were the only hedgehogs in Mobius, there weren't any others. Even though he wasn't purely hedgehog, Shadow still felt odd with no other hedgehogs besides Sonic's family. Rouge came into the room with a cup of coffee and said, "Shadow, are you still doing this whole crazy research thing? You've been at it for three days. We almost never get time off, and the moment we do, you'd rather look through some dusty papers instead of spend time with me and Silver."

I actually quite like it so far, I think you got the characters down perfectly. Just try not to drive straight into things, go at a medium pace--just some advice, it was a good pace though for a draft. Also, a smidge of grammar help, it should be "Silver and I", instead of "me and Silver". Other than that, it's done well! Personally, there is some punctuation I'd change since I'm a freak when it comes to writing, but you're fine with what you have now. Maybe try to describe how Rouge is feeling towards Shadow being like that [my edits are in red]:

Ex: Rouge came into the room with a cup of coffee in her hands, her face contoured into a look of displeasure in contrary to her usually provocative expression, "Shadow, are you still doing this whole crazy research thing..?" The bat spoke out, concerned for her partner and lover. "You've been at it for three whole days...we almost never get time off, and the moment we do, you'd rather be looking through some dusty papers instead of spend time with Silver and I."

I'm just spit-balling here, my edits are more set to my tastes, but that's just me, and it's good the way it already is. But, drafts are drafts, there is always room for improvement! I feel like a dipstick giving criticism, like I'm being mean cause I'm such a lousy perfectionist when it comes to everything but my own work.

Also, try to flesh stuff out a bit before diving into the whole "only hedgehogs" bizz, I think it would be easier on the reader.

Ex: [Add a sentence or two here to lean into the major plot point] Besides him, Sonic, Amy, and their family were the only hedgehogs in Mobius, there weren't any others.

[Demon God Caelan]

Thanks for the proofreading. Would you be willing to be my proofreader if you have the time?

[paperjack.]

Thanks for the proofreading. Would you be willing to be my proofreader if you have the time?

Oh yeah, definitely! If you ever have any grammatical questions or want to know some ways to improve something, feel free to ask! I'm on almost every day at this point, but in the afternoons--Mostly occupied on weekends if that gives you any insight.

I think your fan fiction will be great, and I'm enjoying talking with you about it! Do you have plans to post it on any story-sharing site such as fanfiction.net or Wattpad, or is it mostly private? Well if you do one of those sites, will it be put up when completed or through segments/chapters over a long period of time? I'm just curious is s'all; so if you do finish it, I can read it.

[Demon God Caelan]

I'm going to put it up on Fan Fiction, and you'll be able to read the chapters as I post them, I'm not going to post it as a completed story, since I always have ideas coming up. I'm glad you like the idea of my fan fiction.

[paperjack.]

I'm going to put it up on Fan Fiction, and you'll be able to read the chapters as I post them, I'm not going to post it as a completed story, since I always have ideas coming up. I'm glad you like the idea of my fan fiction.

Oh, no problem! I've always been reading fan fiction in my spare time, and some stories always just hit me just right--and I think this is one I can pre-guarantee will do that. I'm Spreat on fanfiction.net, if you're curious.

[Demon God Caelan]

Here's my account on Fan Fiction Kraken VS Octo-kun